[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Brother Cranky, I have ordered you a new microwave. Just remember you don't turn it on to warm up for 10 minutes. You just put the food in and press the button. Also, don't use metal pots - I'm not sure of the reason but it's probably demons.

As for the work-shy wife... have you tried physical correction?

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I have been unable to sleep (don’t tell my Pa please) because I have been anxious to hear about the latest update on your wife. What would cause a faithful housewife to go completely still and silent for a few days now? Not even a shriek when having The Bible thrown at her is worrisome. What has Landover’s faith police force said about the situation Old Cranky Man?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.

[ATTACH]27628[/ATTACH]

Perhaps Cranky would prefer instead a Simple Man's Zombie: A can of beer with a blade of grass on top. Maybe even hold the grass.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

If green rum is not readily available, 1 shot each of Benetictine & Cointreau is a good substitute. Served in a frosted glass, ice-cream float garnished with mint leaves optional.

That sounds delicious, Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks. Otherwise it might make Brother Cranky unwell. I shall try it out on my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I wouldn't want to meddle in your private business, Brother Cranky, but have you tried prayer?

No, that would be the easy way out. I assume Jesus want's me to suffer and I refuse to be weak.

It's been a day, how is she looking now Cranky?

I don't know. I decided I have better things to do than waiting for my wife to remember Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24.

have you tried physical correction?

I hit her with my favorite Bible in accordance with Proverbs 26:3 and Proverbs 20:30. This usually works but it didn't work this time.

I have been unable to sleep (don’t tell my Pa please) because I have been anxious to hear about the latest update on your wife. What would cause a faithful housewife to go completely still and silent for a few days now?

I blame the democrats and the fake news media for ruining my wife. I tweeted The Donald about this but he was too busy angrily running out of the oval office to respond. A normal reaction if you are in the same room as Nancy Pelosi.

The zombie was mentioned and this can be a great way to consume eggs. Simply combine 2 measures each of white rum, dark rum & golden run, 1 measure each of green rum (if available) and crème de menthe, 1 egg (whisked) and topped up with ½/½ pineapple juice/soda water.

That sounds complicated but it gave me an idea. I combined raw eggs with American whiskey and that worked out fine.

A can of beer with a blade of grass on top. Maybe even hold the grass.

I could use a beer, but I can not for the life of me figure out where my wife stored the beer. I am not a cow so I refuse to eat grass.

Romans 14:2
One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables.

Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks.

I get my eggs straight from the chicken, so they are fresh enough. Then I kill the chicken and roast it on a fire. I can keep this up for a few more weeks until I run out of chickens.

my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice

Are they all gay?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I combined raw eggs with American whiskey and that worked out fine.

That sounds great, glad to be of help.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

That sounds delicious, Sister, though it's important to ensure that the egg is freshly-laid from healthy, salmonella-free chooks. Otherwise it might make Brother Cranky unwell. I shall try it out on my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice.

Yes. Rum is really just a type of fruit juice - or sugar cane juice at any rate. Often available where mint tea is served. I looked at a kitchen device recently which although better than the outdoor models nevertheless seemed unsuitable, where loose clothing is worn.

I decided to stick with what I've got but for others of course, provided there's no conflict with God's requirements as endorsed by Jesus, a different decision would be appropriate.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

my husband's business associates next time they're here: they are very partial to mint tea and fruit juice

Are they all gay?

No, Brother Cranky. My husband tells me that in their sandy land, the gayness is punishable by death, in accordance with Leviticus 20:13.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

It's been about three days now. If Mrs. Cranky is still sitting there without moving, talking, eating, drinking, blinking, or breathing, it can only mean one thing.

She's really committed to this little joke of hers. Mr. Cranky, my wife likes to pull a few boners every now and then, but she's never crossed a line like this. I think you should tell her that enough is enough, remind her of Ecclesiastes 7:6, and drag her off that couch and into the kitchen.

[Didymus Much]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Remember when your old dog stopped barking at all the squirrels outside, and just lay there quietly by the patio door? How you were just starting to enjoy the peace and tranquility after all those years of near-constant yapping at shit like leaves simply blowing in the wind? Even if it was really needing a bath, which you thought was strange as it hadn't been outside for a few days so couldn't have got into anything and how your daughter came by a few days later and made a huge fuss and even made you turn the TV off for almost an hour while they took the dog off to get washed or something (it didn't come back) and put a new rug down?

Is your house starting to smell kinda like it did that week?

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

If it did, I'm sure he'd be the last to know.

I haven't had a sense of smell since 1977. I decided to ignore my wife until she decides to start working again.

Brother Cranky Old Man, maybe it's time she be institutionalized be put somewhere safe. I'm sure Brother Lukes' friendly motel has some vacancies for permanent residencies?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

It's been about three days now. If Mrs. Cranky is still sitting there without moving, talking, eating, drinking, blinking, or breathing, it can only mean one thing.

I have no idea if she is drinking, eating or blinking. I stopped caring once she stopped doing her duties.

Remember when your old dog stopped barking at all the squirrels outside, and just lay there quietly by the patio door? How you were just starting to enjoy the peace and tranquility after all those years of near-constant yapping at shit like leaves simply blowing in the wind? Even if it was really needing a bath, which you thought was strange as it hadn't been outside for a few days so couldn't have got into anything and how your daughter came by a few days later and made a huge fuss and even made you turn the TV off for almost an hour while they took the dog off to get washed or something (it didn't come back) and put a new rug down?

No, I don't remember that at all. It's almost as if you are making this up on the spot.

Brother Cranky Old Man, maybe it's time she be institutionalized be put somewhere safe.

She is somewhere safe. She is with me.

The new microwave arrived but I decided not to use it. It sucks at boiling eggs anyway and roasting chicken on a fire is way better. Instead of being annoyed at my wife's refusal to do her work, I decided to treat this like a hunting trip. The only problem is that I have no idea where my wife has hidden the salt.

Genesis 9:3
Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I think a call to Brother Alan Swallows won't hurt. Just saying.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The only problem is that I have no idea where my wife has hidden the salt.

My wife hides our salt in an odd little jar. Have you seen something that looks like this lying around in the kitchen?