[Basilissa]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The new microwave arrived but I decided not to use it. It sucks at boiling eggs anyway and roasting chicken on a fire is way better. Instead of being annoyed at my wife's refusal to do her work, I decided to treat this like a hunting trip.

Brother Cranky, you are the master of your household so you know what's best. Have you tried using your fireplace as the source of heat to cook things? I wouldn't try eggs, but potatoes roast very nicely in the ashes. (That's assuming you don't have one of these gas imitations of a fireplace).

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

My Pa was reading through and was shocked at the recommendations not including a bar-b-que grill. He said Cranky Old Man is a MAN and should be cooking with MAN tools like a grill and that no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.

[Basilissa]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

My Pa was reading through and was shocked at the recommendations not including a bar-b-que grill. He said Cranky Old Man is a MAN and should be cooking with MAN tools like a grill and that no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.

In this weather, dear? Does your father want Brother Cranky to freeze to death???

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

While we pray for Mr. Cranky's deliverance, let us take comfort in the knowledge that, as a True Christian, he CANNOT starve (John 6:35, 1 Corinthians 8:8). In Jesus's name, amen.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I think a call to Brother Alan Swallows won't hurt. Just saying.

I tried calling him but it seems he is in prison for hitting some illegal immigrant. I blame Obama.

My wife hides our salt in an odd little jar. Have you seen something that looks like this lying around in the kitchen?

The kitchen, could be. I haven't been there in years. Maybe that is also where my wife stored the beer.

Brother Cranky, you are the master of your household so you know what's best. Have you tried using your fireplace as the source of heat to cook things?

no man would be caught dead slaving over a hot stove.

In this weather, dear? Does your father want Brother Cranky to freeze to death???

I am using the in house fireplace to roast the chickens. I gave up on boiling eggs, I now mix the raw eggs with American whiskey.

let us take comfort in the knowledge that, as a True Christian, he CANNOT starve (John 6:35, 1 Corinthians 8:8). In Jesus's name, amen.

Amen to that!

I have to say I am surprised how little I miss my wife doing her work. She always complained about how hard she worked but it turns out to be surprisingly simple. Woman are even more useless than I always thought.

[Basilissa]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

The kitchen, could be. I haven't been there in years. Maybe that is also where my wife stored the beer.

If you go to the kitchen, you might be able to find more edible things there. All of the canned stuff should be somewhere there, and these are safe to eat long after their expiration date.

Now, regarding the contents of the refrigerator (that's a bulky furniture in the kitchen, you should feel cool air coming out after opening its door). In any other circumstances I'd say that you're much safer not eating what's inside, and I'd suggest going to the supermarket to buy more fresh food instead. However, now, because of the government shutdown, lazy bums in the Food and Drugs Administration are not doing any food inspections, so you have an equal chance of getting salmonella from food that gone bad in your fridge and before hitting the supermarket shelves. So just place your trust in Jesus and eat whatever you want.

I am using the in house fireplace to roast the chickens.

Great! I created a thread for simple hunting recipes which can also be prepared in the fireplace, thinking of you.

I have to say I am surprised how little I miss my wife doing her work. She always complained about how hard she worked but it turns out to be surprisingly simple. Woman are even more useless than I always thought.

Maybe that was Jesus' plan all along, to show you tat you are self sufficient and don't need a helpmeet. God works in mysterious ways, after all.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Now, regarding the contents of the refrigerator (that's a bulky furniture in the kitchen, you should feel cool air coming out after opening its door).

I found it! It contained cold beer. I threw everything else away to make room for more beer.

So just place your trust in Jesus and eat whatever you want.

I always do. I always do.

Great! I created a thread for simple hunting recipes which can also be prepared in the fireplace, thinking of you.

Thank you! Step 7 was most helpful.

God works in mysterious ways, after all.

To the tiny brain of a woman perhaps. The male mind can comprehend that Jesus does exactly what the Bible says he does. In my case making me suffer to prove my worth for Heaven!

My wife's sister came by after I called her and explained how annoyed I was about my wife's laziness and her parent's lack of properly raising her. After a few minutes with my wife she became very angry and left in a hurry. So that was a complete waste of time. Yet more proof all women are utterly useless.

Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

If your wife is still being defiant why not just drag her body out into the woods? If she is still silent after being left on the side of the road then she is either A) A bitch who doesn’t know her place (as my Pa puts it) or Really stupid (Also as my Pa puts it). Are all women at Ames Cranky’s age this useless? I am scared about not wanting to cook anymore.....

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

If your wife is still being defiant why not just drag her body out into the woods?

I was actually considering that but her sister returned and took her with her. Her sister was yelling and screaming all the time, like women tend to do, but I didn't bother to listen to what she said.

I assume she will send my wife back as soon as she is ready to perform her Godly duties again in accordance with Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24. Having to make my own food is annoying but I don't miss the constant whining about the headaches I caused by hitting my wife on the head with my Bible.

Proverbs 20:30
The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Mister Cranky, I am more than happy to come help you out in your time of need if you ever need anything. I know how to cook and do laundry. I also do a good job of ironing clothes and beating his meat (to make it tender for later) according to my Pa.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Mister Cranky, I am more than happy to come help you out in your time of need if you ever need anything. I know how to cook and do laundry. I also do a good job of ironing clothes and beating his meat (to make it tender for later) according to my Pa.

If, as it seems to be the case, Mr. Cranky is in the market for a new bride soon, have you considered asking your father to make him an offer? You're already 17, you really ought to get hitched before it's too late.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

My Pa dictates when I am to be married. I made no such offer to Mister Cranky. I’m no hussy that’d hit on a married man. It’s customary for women to help men in their times of hardship (i.e bake a pie or casserole). I am pretty offended you assumed that I was asking to be married even. Not my place sir!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

My Pa dictates when I am to be married. I made no such offer to Mister Cranky. I’m no hussy that’d hit on a married man. It’s customary for women to help men in their times of hardship (i.e bake a pie or casserole). I am pretty offended you assumed that I was asking to be married even. Not my place sir!

You seem to have misunderstood me, girl. I was merely saying that, if Mr. Cranky becomes a widower, that perhaps your father should offer you as a bride. I was not insinuating that you would do anything untoward.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

You seem to have misunderstood me, girl. I was merely saying that, if Mr. Cranky becomes a widower, that perhaps your father should offer you as a bride. I was not insinuating that you would do anything untoward.

If Brother Cranky is ever looking for a new wife, he would be far more likely to choose a True Christian(tm) widow, a woman of good sense with her childbearing years long behind her, rather than some chit of a silly girl. Has he not suffered enough?

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Hold on, Mister Dennis is making it seem as though Mrs Cranky is dead or dying. Who said anything of that sort?