My wife stopped doing her duties!?

[Cranky Old Man]

This is a first in the 91 years Jesus has granted me so far. I yelled at my wife, I screamed at my wife, I hit her with my favorite Bible, but nothing! Even reading Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 from my Bible had no effect whatsoever. All she does is stare without blinking her eyes.

Is there anyone with similar experience who has any advice on how to deal with this? I am hungry and no one is cooking diner.

[Dana723]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Sounds like she's just being stubborn. You'll just have to be stubborner.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Staring without blinking it's usually a sign of watching too much Netflix. It's also an explanation for the laziness.Could that be it, Brother?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Whenever any of my offspring get lazy, I scream the following verses at them: Proverbs 13:4, Colossians 3:23, 1 Timothy 5:8, and 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Sounds like she's just being stubborn. You'll just have to be stubborner.

That won't be a problem.

Staring without blinking it's usually a sign of watching too much Netflix. It's also an explanation for the laziness. Could that be it, Brother?

I have no idea. What does a Netflix look like?

Whenever any of my offspring get lazy, I scream the following verses at them: Proverbs 13:4, Colossians 3:23, 1 Timothy 5:8, and 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

Excellent suggestion, unfortunately it didn't help.

My wife still refuses to do her duties. As a temporary solution I was forced to ask my daughters for help but all of them hanged up as soon as they heard it was me.

I blame Hillary Clinton. She has changed all women who used to obey Genesis 3:16 and Ephesians 5:22-24 into disobedient Hell bound sluts.

Life is hard for a white male American True Cristian™ in 2019. But I am sure Jesus has a purpose for my suffering.

Does anyone here know how to boil an egg?

[Phil Ander]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Does anyone here know how to boil an egg?

On your behalf I did I ask the help. She was incredulous that I wanted to know about this task, until I explained the circumstances. Her eyes bulged and she started to sweat. She said "I'm afread Mrs Cranky has been made a a zombie by the voodoo". "Nonsense" I said, "She's most likely dead. Keep your native superstitions to yourself. Just tell me how to boil an egg".


After crossing herself several times, and mumbling some jungle incantation she told me that you boil some water on the stove and put the egg in, turn the heat down and cook for about 90 seconds, then remove it, let it cool down, crack the shell. The help likes it to be a little bit runny in the middle so she can feed me with egg dipped toast soldiers coated with melted butter and a sprinkling of ground peppercorns.


Cranky, if you prefer a harder egg, just leave it another minute or so.


Phil

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

If the room starts to smell soon, my guess it won't be the egg.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

she told me that you boil some water on the stove and put the egg in, turn the heat down and cook for about 90 seconds, then remove it, let it cool down, crack the shell

That sounds way too complicated. Clearly God invented woman for this kind of work. I'll simply put the egg in the microwave.

If the room starts to smell soon, my guess it won't be the egg.

I haven't had a sense of smell since 1977. I decided to ignore my wife until she decides to start working again.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I have no idea. What does a Netflix look like?

From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds. But I'm not too familiar with this millennial things.

[BibleReader2231]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

Asked my Pa. if your wife’s skin turned cold, it’s a sign she is possessed by the devil. If this is true sir, have you considered calling Landover’s police force and see if they can issue an emergency spiritual enema on your wife to see if it cleanses the “bitchiness” (as my Pa puts it) out of her?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds. But I'm not too familiar with this millennial things.

At the Lukes home, the kids wanted it. I did some research. Long story short, the answer was an unequivocal "NO!" However, I did come across a Godly alternative: PureFlix. Instead of pre-screening every film to make sure it's acceptable, like you'd have to do with Netflix, you can just let the kids watch whatever "quality Christ-centered movies" they want because they've all been preapproved for the public's viewing pleasure by Christians who know better.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

That reminded me. Some time back, a neighbor of mine told me his wife was not well, and he was needing all the time he could to spend time with her family, yadayadayada. Lately, I asked him how she was and he did not reply. I spoke (a little too close to his earshot), "She must be dead." I have not heard from him since.

What does this have to do with Madam Cranky? Oh, nothing at all! Excuse me. Carry on.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

From what I'm hearing lately, it's like a box of birds.

I hate birds so we don't have those.

Asked my Pa. if your wife’s skin turned cold, it’s a sign she is possessed by the devil. If this is true sir, have you considered calling Landover’s police force and see if they can issue an emergency spiritual enema on your wife to see if it cleanses the “bitchiness” (as my Pa puts it) out of her?

That is a great idea. I suggested this and they promised me I will be called back on the matter.

a Godly alternative: PureFlix

I didn't know that. It will be the only thing the grandchildren are allowed to watch from now on.

My microwave broke down. Does anyone have a spare? My wife still refuses to cook and apparently you can not use a microwave to boil eggs.

[Basilissa]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

I wouldn't want to meddle in your private business, Brother Cranky, but have you tried prayer? It should be equally effective regarding getting you a new microwave and producing boiled eggs!

Mark 11:24 - Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: My wife stopped doing her duties!?

It's been a day, how is she looking now Cranky? (As far as your eyesight can gauge) If her lips are starting curl over her teeth, it means she's jeering at you and pulling your leg with this limp act of hers. Best administer a beating!