Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

[H. Montague Worthington]

As you all know from the church bulletin board and my ad in the weekly souvenir program, I'll be in Haiti next week on my mission to "adopt" young Haitian children. If you're interested, please remember to get your orders in by 5 p.m. Friday. Remember, my prices are based entirely on supply and demand.

Boys 0-5 $1500 each
Boys 6-12 $3500 each
Boys 13-15 $2500 each
Boys 16-18 $1250 each

Girls under 0-5 $500 each
Girls 5-10 $1500 each
Girls 10-14 $2750 ($750 more without teeth) each
Girls 15 and over (Negotiable, I should have two dozen or so to choose from, twins add 40%)

Order yours today. Documentation optional. Cash and carry.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

Will they be house broken Brother Montague? I don't want any repeats of that Myanmar and his PTSD nonsense.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

Brother Monte, I think you need to make it clearer that the figures listed are simply the costs and expenses of these expedited adoptions. We would not want another misunderstanding with the authorities like the one after our mission to Thailand after the Godly tsunami. Remember how long it took to get those poor innocent Thai boys and girls through customs?

Also, as I stated in this post below, tropical coloreds are usually covered with parasites. You will want to make sure all the orphans are fumigated and deloused. I would recommend Methyl Bromide as a fumigant. Just make sure the children are told to hold their breathes while inside the fumigation chamber.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=465573&postcount=3

I would also suggest a series of broad spectrum antibiotic injections. To save on costs, you could probably order them through this website:

http://www.jefferslivestock.com/ssc/

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary.

And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.
And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver. And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. (Leviticus 27:3-7)

You may want to re-think your prices. Why do boys decrease in value as they get older? You should probably take a shekel or two off of each child as well because they're negroes...

[Christy]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

You sould start a Haitian Baby auction site. Something like Ebay.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary.

And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.
And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver. And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels. (Leviticus 27:3-7)

You may want to re-think your prices. Why do boys decrease in value as they get older? You should probably take a shekel or two off of each child as well because they're negroes...

You sould start a Haitian Baby auction site. Something like Ebay.

Let me reiterate for the newer members. These are ADOPTIONS*

No member of Landover is involved in any way in the trafficking of human beings for any purpose. We are simply facilitating expedited private adoptions of young, healthy, strong, obedient, disease-free Hatian orphans.

If any international laws are accidently overlooked in the process, it would be pure happenstance and is not due to malice aforethought or willful negligence.




*We may or may not have had trouble in a similar situation in the recent past. If there was any wrongdoing, and I am not admitting or suggesting anything of the kind, the authorities might or might not have various members of our church under constant surveillance. This may or may not be the case as I personally have no knowledge of any wrongdoing whatsoever by any member or Pastor of Landover Baptist Church.

[Freeks-Angel]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

I think it would be great do adopt these children, since the parents are willing to let them go to have a better life rather than starve in Hati.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

You sould start a Haitian Baby auction site. Something like Ebay.

Selling innocent children online? They should be adopted by nice True Christian families, not be sold like cattle. Saving their souls is going to be a very tough job though. Especially since they probably do no speak proper American yet so the poor souls can not even read the KJV1611 Bible.

[Talitha]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

If there are any who understand just a little American, I would be interested in Adopting at least 2.
I can get them some worthwhile tasks to do whilst they are here. I'm sure they will love learning about Jesus and cleaning.
My house is still a mess after the Christmas Celebrations and my Flipper Houseboys are hopeless. They can go back on to the street where I found them.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

I'll tell you what, I've just had a helluva time in the Des Moines lockup, and I really need to unwind. I'll take a couple of them for an upcoming 10 day retreat I'm planning. They need to be strong enough to carry my weapons cases.

[Christy]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

You are right. I feel like giving myself 20 lashes for even considering selling little Haitian babies online. I would like to adopt 18 Haitian children and possibly start my own t.v. show. 18 Haitian kids and counting... Thanks everyone for setting me straight.

Selling innocent children online? They should be adopted by nice True Christian families, not be sold like cattle. Saving their souls is going to be a very tough job though. Especially since they probably do no speak proper American yet so the poor souls can not even read the KJV1611 Bible.

[Paul Jeffery]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

Reverend, do you think it would be possible to affect a couple of...well..."reverse" adoptions? I mean, my two daughters aren't exactly children, but they are my shameful offspring and - just sort of thinking out loud here - they might well be of "value" to some of the more upscale Haitian citizens. Both daughters - hardcore liberals - are apparently well versed in being godless heathens and, with a little cosmetic touch-up, they could blend in and contribute meaningfully to that devil-contracted society in "exchange" for one or two more malleable souls who would doubtlessly enjoy servitude growing up in the cooler temperatures of the upper Midwest. Thanks in advance for your attention to my inquiry.

Yours in Christ,
Paul Jeffery

[Aristotle]

Don't discount eBay

Selling innocent children online? They should be adopted by nice True Christian families, not be sold like cattle. Saving their souls is going to be a very tough job though. Especially since they probably do no speak proper American yet so the poor souls can not even read the KJV1611 Bible.

I agree that using the 'bid' option on eBay would be wrong since these are adoptions. However,, if you used the 'best offer' format, you could allow good Christian couples of limited means to participate. Also, if payment was done through PayPal there would be a mechanism for a refund if the child wasn't as described in the announcement.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

I'm tempted, but I was burned a couple of years ago when I adopted a child unseen. Apparently there were a lot of orphan children in Sierra Leonne for some reason, and they were going cheap. I mean the adoption fees, for paperwork etc, were reasonable. We ordered a 14 year old girl, to help the wife with chores, and babysit and whatnot. Had the whole family there at the airport to welcome her.

Then she got off the plane. Fine looking niglet and possible eventual Christian. But, guess what? No hands. Apparently when you order children from Sierra Leone hands are extra. She's incapable of any household chores, but we're stuck with her. No returns policy, apparently. So we barely make enough money to feed her by charging the neighborhood kids a dollar to look at her, 2 dollars to play a game of catch the egg with her.

Caveat emptor, I guess.

[Jedediah]

Re: Taking Orders Now for Hatian Children

May I ask how you were able to bring the chattle State-side? Along with my missionary friends from Idaho, we have quite a few at a reeducation camp in the Dominican.

My wife is busy baking, cleaning, bearing children and homeschooling, and my sons are all too young to be of much help. I could really use the extra help around the ranch, but they aren't doing me much good on that pagan island! I'd like to see a return on my investment of time and risk.