[Nobar King]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I have masturbated a few times during my fifty three years on this earth but I have NEVER had a blister on my hand from doing it so much. Maybe the person in this picture had the herpers, or something.

WHY ME O'LORD?

I'm more worried about the long fingernail on the little finger of this masturbater. He's been snorting coke and that is just as bad for your pecker.

[Deaner]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Have you considered a penile clamp?

I can't stand the screaming when he's trying to sleep.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Have you considered a penile clamp?

[Deaner]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

LOOK AT HIS HAND!!!! JUST LOOK AT IT!! What am I going to do now? Is he going to hell??? I don't know I can face any of you in Church this Sunday.



WHY ME O'LORD?

Relax Brother John. We've seen these things before. When a child masturbates, while it is not normal, a few rocks to the face usually straightens out the behaviour.

It could also be the "straight shooter" syndrome where a child ejaculates with such forcefullness the spooge blows a hole in the skin and lodges underneath. See the little hole at the entrance? C'mon, what the hell does that look like?

In any case you got him "balls to palm". He's up to somethng.

My advice; keep your lid on right now. We do not want to ruin a possible Warriror for Christ.

What I would do, is when he is working in the field, heave a large 10-15lb rock at his head. Don't miss. This will just stun him. He will be a little dazed but will ususally start calling "Papa, Papa... a rock just fell out of the sky and hit me straight in the mouth, I've lost five teeth!!"

Run over, and feigning concern, ask your son if he has been doing anything antibiblical lately. Give him the discerning, penetrating "evil eye" only a parent inherits. Your son, in his shameful condition will plead innocence. This is ok. Just pat him on the back and say "sometimes these things just happen son."

Next day, as you work in the fields, grab another rock but this time hit him straight in the nuts. As the child catches his breath, first thing he will say is "Papa, Papa,... it just happened again! A rock came out from nowhere and hit me right in my mama's bread!"

Again, showing not too much concern, ask him if has been doing anything sinful. His response will be no.

After a few days of this happening, your son will come screaming to you for fogiveness as he tells you the story of how he touches his wiener while looking at the underwear section of the Sears Catalouge.

Approach him sternly and get the buggy whip. After fifty or so whacks (each time screaming "Jesus and all of us hate your face, body and gonads. Go and sleep with the dogs in the shed until I tell you to come out".

I swear your son will come back to you; glowing and with a smile on his face knowing that you are, indeed, his father here on earth. Good luck my Brother Cresser, we are with you.

YIC

Deaner

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I.....I just didn't notice until today. I am devastated beyond words, it's like my son is Judas to me now.

I mean, who pays attention to the underside of their sons hands. I have failed as a True Christian™ father for thinking my son would never....spill seed

LOOK AT HIS HAND!!!! JUST LOOK AT IT!! What am I going to do now? Is he going to hell??? I don't know I can face any of you in Church this Sunday.



WHY ME O'LORD?

If that's what his hand looks like, I dread to think what the more tender part of his anatomy looks like.

Deut 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

I presume your son had a godly upbringing and has already entered the church, the congregation of the Lord. Sadly, he no longer belongs among God's people. The church is not to tolerate sin in its midst.

1 Cor 5:1-13 1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife [masturbation in your son's case].
2 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.
3 For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,
4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,
5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?
7 Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:
8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

Removing someone from the church is not just a simple matter of kicking them out. There are steps involved.

Mat 18:15-19 15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

I suggest you initiate the process set out in Mat 18. Approach your son in private first and urge him to repent. For that is the whole purpose of church discipline, that when your son sees how much you love him by threatening to expel him from the church, shun him and hand him over to satan for the destruction of the flesh, he will be moved to repentance. If that fails, gather two or three witnesses to confirm your rebuke. If there are no witnesses to the actual act of masturbation, that's okay. The blisters on your son's hands should be enough. How else did they get there? If that fails, tell a pastor and have him name and shame your son in front of the church. I hope it doesn't come to that, though. Good luck with the whole situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

PS In the meantime, better make sure your son abstains from the Lord's table lest he eat and drink judgement on himself. He might die.

1 Cor 11:27-30 27 Wherefore whosoever shall eat this bread, and drink this cup of the Lord, unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord.
28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup.
29 For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body.
30 For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep.

I know the passage exhorts a man to examine himself, but sometimes if someone cannot see his own sin, the leaders of the church need to step in and bar someone from communion for their own safety until the matter is resolved. At least, that's what sometimes happens in my church.

I hope you find this helpful.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Thank you! People just do this. you can't stop it, and quite frankly.... nobody should care.

Before digging your self-abuse hole any deeper, please make a thread of your own in the Introduction Forum. We want to get to know you!

YiC,

Zech

[Liarthaniel777]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

you. are a faggot. its natural to masturbate.

Thank you! People just do this. you can't stop it, and quite frankly.... nobody should care.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Hi Mr. Person, and welcome to our friendly forums!



Generally people introduce themselves when they join in a conversation so others know who they are talking to. Why not share yourself with us in our Introduction Forum? There you can tell us what church you go to, what your favorite Bible verse is, and how you came to know Jesus.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

you. are a faggot. its natural to masturbate.

Dear Godmocking Whore;

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule of worshiping satan and spreading your legs for anyone with a dollar to post this hateful message. The Holy Bible tells us that we are actually Blessed by your persecution! Thanks for proving that we're right.

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Enjoy hell. I know that Jesus and I can't wait to watch you burn in hell for all eternity. Oh, how we'll laugh at you as you scream in agony! Shout Glory!!

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[irrational queer]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

you. are a faggot. its natural to masturbate.

[John Creeser]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I.....I just didn't notice until today. I am devastated beyond words, it's like my son is Judas to me now.

I mean, who pays attention to the underside of their sons hands. I have failed as a True Christian(tm) father for thinking my son would never....spill seed

LOOK AT HIS HAND!!!! JUST LOOK AT IT!! What am I going to do now? Is he going to hell??? I don't know I can face any of you in Church this Sunday.



WHY ME O'LORD?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Cought my son masturbating, what should I do?

if no change then why make a new testament? if aint broke and all that

Both Testaments are critical for the True Christian™, my friend. In the Old Testament, we learn of God's beautiful and perfect creation that was ruined by a simpleton idiot woman that tricked Adam into sin, and the sinful nature of all that then came from their loins. That all living things became so wicked in just the first 600 years, only a hydraulic purge of the filth could cleanse the Earth. Abraham so devoted to God that he was ready to disembowel his son if the Lord wanted it. Inspirational accounts that teach us to always put God's wishes above our sinful urges in order to receive His unconditional love.

The New Testament is all about how God sent Himself to Earth as His only Son to suffer torture on the cross and then temporarily die before returning to His Father in Heaven so that we can join Him once this insignificant mortal life has passed. Praise Jesus!

I will pray for you on this wonderful day of Thanksgiving that the blinders come off and you realize the simple beauty and love of God's Holy Word.

In Christ

[Deaner]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

You caught your son masturbating and you are wondering what to do?

Clean it up you fucking pig.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Cought my son masturbating, what should I do?

The New Testament was added just to make the Great Bible even Greater. Just like when the Amendments were added to the Constitution. That's how my Daddy explained it to me when I was younger.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Cought my son masturbating, what should I do?

if no change then why make a new testament? if aint broke and all that

Read it and find out!

You can get a KJV at Walmart for as little as $5. Don't have $5? Ask at your local Baptist church, they should give you one for free. Until you get your hands on a hardcopy, you can start reading online here.