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Landovers CERTIFIED SLUT SHAMING INITIATIVE for promiscuous daughters
Friends,
Landover Baptist Church has waged a relentless war on teenage female promiscuity since our Godly doors opened (with respectable results, and a few unfortunate.... "mishaps"). However, it is my observation that this generation of teenaged girls are out of control and can hardly keep their legs closed. This generation has produced monstrous sexual predators such as Amanda Todd and Rehtaeh Parsons, whose sexual deviancy lead to their own demise.
I just can't stand idle any longer! So I have taken it upon myself to start Landover's first Certified Slut Shaming Initiative© in an effort to ward off wanton teenage female promiscuity. World renowned certified slut shamer Pam Stenzel has agreed to help us get started. Don't know who Pam is? Meet Pam. A fine example of a True Christian™ woman!
Pam has been quoted as saying:
Truer words have never been spoken!!
Pam has also been blessed by God with the gift of telling whether or not your daughter is going to be a whore!
SING HOSANNA!! It truly is a miracle!
I'd like to remind the teenaged females of Freehold that the Bible is crystal clear on your role as a woman. Let me refresh you:
1st Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
1st Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
YOU DO NOT HAVE S*X OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE. GET MARRIED!!
1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
DO NOT DRESS LIKE A WHORE OR YOU WILL GET RAPED AND YOU WILL ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME!!
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
I'll let those verses speak for themselves as I am sure even the women folk can understand them.
I am so excited to have Pam here in Freehold!! Captain Portway is flying her in on Monday June the 3rd and there is a lot of work to do before she arrives. So I am looking for any volunteers to help in the interim. The first thing we need to do is set up a registry of all teenaged girls in Freehold and schedule medical examinations to make sure the plumbing is intact (I'm thinking ages 10 to 19).
Who is willing to help me? Any suggestions?
Landover Baptist Church has waged a relentless war on teenage female promiscuity since our Godly doors opened (with respectable results, and a few unfortunate.... "mishaps"). However, it is my observation that this generation of teenaged girls are out of control and can hardly keep their legs closed. This generation has produced monstrous sexual predators such as Amanda Todd and Rehtaeh Parsons, whose sexual deviancy lead to their own demise.
I just can't stand idle any longer! So I have taken it upon myself to start Landover's first Certified Slut Shaming Initiative© in an effort to ward off wanton teenage female promiscuity. World renowned certified slut shamer Pam Stenzel has agreed to help us get started. Don't know who Pam is? Meet Pam. A fine example of a True Christian™ woman!
Pam has been quoted as saying:
"If you take birth control, your mother probably hates you,"
Pam has also been blessed by God with the gift of telling whether or not your daughter is going to be a whore!
"I could look at any one of you in the eyes right now and tell if you're going to be promiscuous."
I'd like to remind the teenaged females of Freehold that the Bible is crystal clear on your role as a woman. Let me refresh you:
1st Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
1st Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
YOU DO NOT HAVE S*X OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE. GET MARRIED!!
1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
DO NOT DRESS LIKE A WHORE OR YOU WILL GET RAPED AND YOU WILL ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME!!
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
I'll let those verses speak for themselves as I am sure even the women folk can understand them.
I am so excited to have Pam here in Freehold!! Captain Portway is flying her in on Monday June the 3rd and there is a lot of work to do before she arrives. So I am looking for any volunteers to help in the interim. The first thing we need to do is set up a registry of all teenaged girls in Freehold and schedule medical examinations to make sure the plumbing is intact (I'm thinking ages 10 to 19).
Who is willing to help me? Any suggestions?
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