9 Step Program for Curing Homers

[Witch Hammer]

1. Admit to yourself that you are powerless against the demons of sodomy, and that you are a wretched homer with zero self worth.

2. Admit to God, your friends, your family and everyone you meet on the street just exactly what kind of filthy depraved homer you are. Spare no details.

3. Believe that a Higher Power (Jesus Christ, He is the ONLY Power...false gods will only lead you to further buggery) can restore you to a Godly state of heterosexuality.

4. Brace yourself for your newfound hatred of the manly BUTTOCKS

5. Accept the Lord Christ into your heart, give him a VERY GENEROUS financial love offering, and beg him to drive the prostate tickling demons from your bowels.

6. Go to hospital and have your prostate surgically removed immediately, lest the demons return to infest it. The offending gland should then be rushed to the incinerator and destroyed.

7. Make a list of all persons you have sodomized, or have been sodomized by, and be willing to make amends to them all.

8. Thank God, Keep Jesus in your heart...then go out, get yourself a timid, mousy wife and seed her vigorously and frequently, as God has commanded!

9. You're cured! Praise The Lord!






There's also the 1 step program...which involves a Bible, a ski mask and a baseball bat (or was that a sock with a billiard ball in it?). I'll let Brother Mike elaborate on that if he wishes to.

[Brother_Mike]

Excellent program, brother. I'll make it part of our edification classes for recovering homers.

We are planning a new ministry called H.A.T.E. Ministry.

It stands for Homosexuality Abandonment Theology and Edification.

Basically we sneak up on homers who meet at public truckstop bathrooms. We wear a ceremonial ski mask or stocking and armed with a baseball bat and a KJV1611 Bible we basically minister to these lost souls of the devil.

Usually after we minister to them and they are lying unconcious on the ground we'll slip a chick tract or a mini KJV1611 Bible in their pockets.

PRAISE JESUS for HE has bestowed upon us this great priviledge of doing HIS work.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Brothers, if you get your prostate removed you aren't going to be 'seeding' anyone. I know this for a fact....er.....having heard it from Vgrid.

[Brother_Mike]

Brothers, if you get your prostate removed you aren't going to be 'seeding' anyone. I know this for a fact....er.....having heard it from Vgrid.

I don't know what a prostrate is but it sounds pretty homer to me. Better have it removed just to be safe.

[Talitha]

I don't know what a prostrate is but it sounds pretty homer to me. Better have it removed just to be safe.

Oh Brother Mikey, Pastor meand Prostate. It's that "little place" that Steve Irwin used to try and find while making Wild Animals perform for him.

My dear late departed husband used to have problems in that "department".

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Good heavens, Tali.....I said 'prostate'. BM said 'prostrate'. God will punish him for that!

[Talitha]

Good heavens, Tali.....I said 'prostate'. BM said 'prostrate'. God will punish him for that!

I shall "demonstrate" the difference at Church on Sunday. Hopefully God will forgive him.

[~Sofa~ (Recalcitrant)]

Ahem... retards...

You're not going to be seeding anyone without a prostate, and buttocks is not spelt buttox!
By the way I'm giving free human castrations to all LBC members, to stop the stupidity, this week. Please come by, although it may take a while... This butter knife is a little blunt and rusty.

[Bobby-Joe]

Ahem... retards...

You're not going to be seeding anyone without a prostate, and buttocks is not spelt buttox!
By the way I'm giving free human castrations to all LBC members, to stop the stupidity, this week. Please come by, although it may take a while... This butter knife is a little blunt and rusty.

Listen Thespian mommy cave worshiper; were are Christians, not your homer guy friends. We do not have castration fantasies like those homers at the illegal clinic in North Carolina.

Try to open your mind sinner.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Brothers, if you get your prostate removed you aren't going to be 'seeding' anyone. I know this for a fact....er.....having heard it from Vgrid.

Of course, heard it from Vgrid.

I don't know what a prostrate is but it sounds pretty homer to me. Better have it removed just to be safe.

Definitely. I agree 100% Better to be safe than sorry!
And you know 'epidermis' is a pretty 'homer' sounding word too, maybe you should see if you can get that removed too because then there would be NO chance of you being a homer or even alive for that matter...

[Brother Temperance]

There's also the 1 step program...which involves a Bible, a ski mask and a baseball bat (or was that a sock with a billiard ball in it?). I'll let Brother Mike elaborate on that if he wishes to.

WHY DO NONE OF THOSE STEPS INCLUDE PURCHASING A LANDOVER APPROVED 1611 KING JAMES VERSION HOLY BIBLE AND READING IT FROM COVER TO COVER?