[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Brother Faith--Just trying to help here, don't forget Publisher's Clearinghouse. I get telephone calls telling me it has lots of money and is giving it away.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Although I only read a couple of lines from Eck's "Hu" dogma, one thing stood out. Co-Worker with God. I almost vomited.

Philippians 2:5-7 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men

There are two states of being described here. Co-equal with God and the wretched nothingness of humans. If we were running around being co-workers with God, why would Jesus need to be so savagely and duplicitously murdered? If, as a co-worker with God already, He became human and humans are co-workers with God too, in what sense did He make Himself of no reputation?

Clearly this "Eck" and "Hu" are manifestations of someone or something opposed to Christianity and therefore opposed to God. Something or someone with a name. Satan. He could almost be running a mail-order firm with a Money Back Guarantee called

"I TELL LIES • I ONLY TELL LIES • LIES IS ALL I WANT TO TELL AND THIS IDIOT BELIEVED ME • WHAT A PATHETIC MORON!"

and although your initial payment might show up as Starline Bagels, your refund will turn up on a giant-sized financial instrument (probably bright orange which you'll have to pay in to your bank) emblazoned with the real name of the business.

I will definitely be avoiding entreaties from this source.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Mayor Joe Hold, I have been assured I can experience Christ's love through diligent Eckankar practice. I'd love for you to meet my new friends and decide for yourself. They've put me to work! The hours are long, and they are keeping my paychecks for now, pending my ability to prove I can be trusted with money, but they say I'm showing a real aptitude for this sort of labor.
In June I might be allowed to meet the living Eck Master!

Faith, I called a meeting of the LBC Finance Committee and expressed my concern you are paying money to Eckankar which Eckanbar will use and provide you with no benefits. That church cannot forgive sins nor speak on your behalf to guardians of Heaven's door. The entire Board now shares my concern for you.

We did make some progress on your behalf. The Board voted to loan you your entire late tithe. It will be paid in full. However, you will have to pay it back with interest. The sooner the better, of course.

We're so pleased to provide you with this benefit from LBC. Sign the loan agreement and celebrate your return to God's Favorite Church.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Mayor Joe Hold, I have been assured I can experience Christ's love through diligent Eckankar practice. I'd love for you to meet my new friends and decide for yourself. They've put me to work! The hours are long, and they are keeping my paychecks for now, pending my ability to prove I can be trusted with money, but they say I'm showing a real aptitude for this sort of labor.

In June I might be allowed to meet the living Eck Master!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Arabian nights have a slippery reputation. Don't go there. Any straw palliasse provides as much comfort and one's beloved completes the deficiency.

Song of Solomon 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.

[handmaiden]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

I live in a quaint little cabin on the outskirts of Freehold. Why didn’t you ask me first? I have some extra straw mats laying outside somewhere and a nice river a half a mile away for you to wash up in (provided the PFAS God laid there for us doesn’t kill you).

PFAS = Forever Chemicals


"Forever Chemicals"?! Where to begin listing the sins? Hubris, laziness, lack of faith--only The Lord and His Word and Will last forever. Manmade things may take a long, loooooooooooooooooonnnnnnng time to transform, but we are dealing with eternity here, folks.


Salvation and damnation last forever. Everything else is a molecule of steam on its way to becoming ice.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!
The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.

Brother Faith, "Heard of it?", my goodness yes. Only bad things. They will take you in, find you food and housing and teach you to chant. In all of this they will never mention the word "sin" or the word "punishment."

We are on guard for members of this cult moving into Freehold. Its new headquarters is right north of us on I-35 N. Being close they might try to recruit in the LBC neighborhood.

The thing is, Brother Faith, we here at your real church, LCB, have reached out offering all manner of help. Don't be embarrassed with your circumstances. Make progress on your tithe and things will work out.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.

I live in a quaint little cabin on the outskirts of Freehold. Why didn’t you ask me first? I have some extra straw mats laying outside somewhere and a nice river a half a mile away for you to wash up in (provided the PFAS God laid there for us doesn’t kill you).

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

I must say I'm disheartened to hear about Brother Faith Machine's fall in the eyes of the lord and the loss of his good standing as a member of the congregation. As we remember 1 Samuel 2:7, I find comfort in knowing that God has a plan for all of us. Will His plan for Faith Machine's reduce him to the status of Unsaved Trash? Taking all bets. Amen.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Things are looking up! I haven't been forced to sleep outdoors, because some very nice people from a church in Redwood City/Menlo Park have taken me in!

The church is called Eckankar. Have you heard of it? I think it's Dutch or Swedish or something.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.

I’m sure Mayor Hold means to never reveal Pastor Zeke’s secrets lest you become unsaved. It’s a word of caution for Brother FM to follow.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

Unsure, but it wouldn't really help FM in this case. Yes, he could put that towards this month's tithe, but he can't go selling himself again to pay next month's, can he?

True... true... but I note you've not come up with any better ideas, for example, does he have a painting that he could sell?

[BrotherLarry]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

On more than one occasion I have posted money making miracle ideas in which our FM could have participated. Alas I see no evidence of his interest in those. I find it hard to find extra funds for helping someone who won’t help themselves. So sorry. But Jesus tells us to give away our possessions and serve Him. What a great opportunity for you! Blessings!

[Roland]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

"Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place"


What is wrong with that? It seems like a smart thing to do.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: URGENT: How do I change my tithe amount?

As an ex nigra I work hard and still tithe what I can in the hopes that I will have the same bountiful blessings as the wonderful white people of Freehold. I expect you to reach that salvation before I do.

I think Uncle Rutherford is on to a solution here. It is to work off the tithe. Sweeping Pastor Zeke's driveway--all kinds of work to be done.

The only caution is this. Uncle Rutherford never shares what he sees or hears around Pastor Zeke's place. Uncle may know things the rest of us should not know. Jesus knows and will take care of it. Do like Uncle Rutherford and keep your secrets.