It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

[Patrick1990]

PRAISE THE LORD AND HALLELUJA

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

It IS a Miracle! I found Him in just the same place, my Bible!

What's your favorite verse?

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Oh boy Jenny D, am I glad to see another fellow warrior in Christ! Together us true Christians will destroy everything that does not suit our particular beliefs!

And for my favourite Bible verse, it is definitely this:

Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

For God, we must eliminate the hate-mongering infidels! This planet was created for US and for GOD, not for delusional maniacs!

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Oh boy Jenny D, am I glad to see another fellow warrior in Christ! Together us true Christians will destroy everything that does not suit our particular beliefs!

Oh, it's not OUR beliefs, Patrick! It's GOD'S COMMANDS.

He created the Universe. Who are we to question Him?

And for my favourite Bible verse, it is definitely this:

Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. "The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him." (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)

While that's an uplifting verse, it's from a false Bible. Here at Landover, as at any Bible-believing Christian church, we use only the KJV.

I believe you meant:

13 Certain men, the children of Belial, are gone out from among you, and have withdrawn the inhabitants of their city, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known;

14 Then shalt thou enquire, and make search, and ask diligently; and, behold, if it be truth, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought among you;

15 Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword.

16 And thou shalt gather all the spoil of it into the midst of the street thereof, and shalt burn with fire the city, and all the spoil thereof every whit, for the LORD thy God: and it shall be an heap for ever; it shall not be built again.

17 And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers;

18 When thou shalt hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep all his commandments which I command thee this day, to do that which is right in the eyes of the LORD thy God.

For God, we must eliminate the hate-mongering infidels! This planet was created for US and for GOD, not for delusional maniacs!

Well, it was created for US BY God. I'm glad to see your heart's in the right place, Patrick! You have no idea how many people we get here who only want to mock Jesus and make Christianity look "silly" or "unreasonable" or "extremist".

It's so depressing, the sheer number of Hellbound sinners who hate the Lord, when all He wants to do is give them Unconditional Love.

Instead, they force Him to condemn them to an eternity in the fires of His Hell. Isn't that sad?

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Oh, it's not OUR beliefs, Patrick! It's GOD'S COMMANDS.

He created the Universe. Who are we to question Him?

While that's an uplifting verse, it's from a false Bible. Here at Landover, as at any Bible-believing Christian church, we use only the KJV.

I believe you meant:

13 Certain men, the children of Belial, are gone out from among you, and have withdrawn the inhabitants of their city, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known;

14 Then shalt thou enquire, and make search, and ask diligently; and, behold, if it be truth, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought among you;

15 Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword.

16 And thou shalt gather all the spoil of it into the midst of the street thereof, and shalt burn with fire the city, and all the spoil thereof every whit, for the LORD thy God: and it shall be an heap for ever; it shall not be built again.

17 And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers;

18 When thou shalt hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep all his commandments which I command thee this day, to do that which is right in the eyes of the LORD thy God.

Well, it was created for US BY God. I'm glad to see your heart's in the right place, Patrick! You have no idea how many people we get here who only want to mock Jesus and make Christianity look "silly" or "unreasonable" or "extremist".

It's so depressing, the sheer number of Hellbound sinners who hate the Lord, when all He wants to do is give them Unconditional Love.

Instead, they force Him to condemn them to an eternity in the fires of His Hell. Isn't that sad?

Oh GOD bless you for correcting my mistake! As a faulty, inheriantly flawed creation and servant of GOD the ALMIGHTY, I accidentally quoted a verse from a false Bible! It is obvious that the KJV is the epitome of Truth, straight from the Kingdom of Heaven that is God's holy, metaphysical grounds in which only REAL Christians who wants to move back to the Dark Ages may even contemplate entering.

And for the record, the image which I posted earlier is not false! Jesus Christ Himself appeared right on the <censored> of my beloved pet, another of God's incredibly complex designs!

Those who dare mock Jesus OR his followers, they shall surely be put to death!

GOD bless you, JennyD!

UnChristian term removed -JD

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Oh GOD bless you for correcting my mistake! As a faulty, inheriantly flawed creation and servant of GOD the ALMIGHTY, I accidentally quoted a verse from a false Bible! It is obvious that the KJV is the epitome of Truth, straight from the Kingdom of Heaven that is God's holy, metaphysical grounds in which only REAL Christians who wants to move back to the Dark Ages may even contemplate entering.

Well, we need not give up our modern conveniences; we just need to follow all of God's Laws! Every single one. So we would have to give up blended fabrics and homosexuals, but that's a small price to pay for Salvation!

And for the record, the image which I posted earlier is not false! Jesus Christ Himself appeared right on the <censored> of my beloved pet, another of God's incredibly complex designs!

Are you on the drugs, son? The image you posted is right there in your first post. There are no images of pets or Catholic-style apparitions.

Perhaps, in your drug-addled state, you have confused Landover with something from 4chan or Deviantart?

Those who dare mock Jesus OR his followers, they shall surely be put to death!

Praise!

And I see our beloved Pastor Pistle is working his way down the board in this direction. Do you know of anyone who mocks Jesus and His followers who may find himself put to virtual death?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Friend, I think you are a God-mocker. First you use a false Bible, and then you have your face in your dog's scrotum looking for JESUS. That's more CATHOLIC than Christian. Those knuckleheads find the Virgin Mary in salsa, on taco shells, in moldy shanties, and wherever they can get a few tequila shooters.

Be careful lest you end up in the isolation ward.

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Well, we need not give up our modern conveniences; we just need to follow all of God's Laws! Every single one. So we would have to give up blended fabrics and homosexuals, but that's a small price to pay for Salvation!

Indeed, it is! All filthy sodomites must be stoned to death for their moral misconduct and rebellion towards our Christian family values!

Are you on the drugs, son? The image you posted is right there in your first post. There are no images of pets or Catholic-style apparitions.

Hello again JennyD! Am sorry to tell you, but you have broken the 9th commandment that states that thou shalt not bear false witness! You must ask for forgiveness, or you will burn in the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity! For GOD says so, and nobody but GOD has the right to condemn anyone to eternal hellfire! I surely did post a legitimate image of my terrier named Jerry (after Jerry Falwell), and you added an infraction for posting lewd/pornographic material, and for this you oughta be ashamed. You may be able to lie to me and all other potential readers of this very thread, but you will not, however, be capable of lying to your LORD and SAVIOUR on the day of rapture!

Perhaps, in your drug-addled state, you have confused Landover with something from 4chan or Deviantart?

Dear JennyD, the only mind-altering substances currently messing up my rationality is the LOVE for GOD and JESUS and the loathe of sinners and all that is not Christian, because all that is not Christian is the tools of Satan, the prince of darkness!

GOD bless!

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Indeed, it is! All filthy sodomites must be stoned to death for their moral misconduct and rebellion towards our Christian family values!

And adulterers, and wearers of mixed fabrics, and disobedient children, and those who follow other religions, and fornicators . . . it's not just sodomites, friend.

Hello again JennyD! Am sorry to tell you, but you have broken the 9th commandment that states that thou shalt not bear false witness!

Er, no. I asked you a question about your apparent drug use. Bearing false witness refers to giving false testimony.

Dear JennyD, the only mind-altering substances currently messing up my rationality is the LOVE for GOD and JESUS and the loathe of sinners and all that is not Christian, because all that is not Christian is the tools of Satan, the prince of darkness!

GOD bless!

That's a relief! Your accusations of false witness are most disturbing, as is your obsession with a dog-photo you never posted.

Perhaps you would like to take a break in Quarantine, so you can come down from your Jesus-induced high, calm down, and gather your thoughts?

I can arrange it for you. Just speak the word, friend!

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Friend, I think you are a God-mocker. First you use a false Bible, and then you have your face in your dog's scrotum looking for JESUS. That's more CATHOLIC than Christian. Those knuckleheads find the Virgin Mary in salsa, on taco shells, in moldy shanties, and wherever they can get a few tequila shooters.

Be careful lest you end up in the isolation ward.

Pastor, I am insulted, outraged and sincerely saddened that you would accuse me, a fellow spiritual warrior in Christ, of mocking our loving GOD, the CREATOR of the Universe and all that is! It is evident that the other Bibles does not exist, for there is only ONE true Bible, the King James Version! Those CATHOLICS and their child-molesting tendencies will surely be laughed upon once God rejects them the keys to the Kingdom and ships them directly to Hell where they came from!

GOD bless!

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

And adulterers, and wearers of mixed fabrics, and disobedient children, and those who follow other religions, and fornicators . . . it's not just sodomites, friend.

Lest we forget; people whom consumes Crustacean fish! For it is within God's indisputable will, that eating shell-fish is an abomination unto our Earthly flesh!

Leviticus 11:9-12
9These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination.
12Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

Er, no. I asked you a question. Bearing false witness refers to giving false testimony.

And so you did, by denying the existence of my previously posted image of Christ Himself appearing on the <censored> of my pet!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Paddy,
It is very late and I am very tired, but reading your posts is making me a bit edgy. I can't put my finger on it, but you somehow write in such a way as to make the mind accelerate when it ought not do so.

I am going to have to agree with Pastor Al and Sister Jenny. You need to take a Godly "chill pill" son. Take it down a notch. Breath for a minute, use your inside voice.

You are blazing along at 300 MPH, making spelling errors simply because you are thinking too fast. Jesus brought you to us for a reason boy, just calm down and tell us about yourself. What church do you attend? How many children has your wife produced? How much do you weigh?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

I For GOD says so, and nobody but GOD has the right to condemn anyone to eternal hellfire!

Ahhhhh.....no.
We can pass judgment upon you.

Leviticus 19:15 In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

1 Corinthians 2:15But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

1 Corinthians 5:12-13 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

1 Corinthians 6:2-3 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

[JennyD]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

And so you did, by denying the existence of my previously posted image of Christ Himself appearing on the <censored> of my pet!

Patrick, my friend, every time you say something Godly, and offer some Scripture, you follow it with these delusions of yours.

I'm really concerned that if I head off to bed and leave you unattended, you may injure yourself on Pastor Pistle's righteous judgment.

Maybe it would be best if I fixed you up a spot in Quarantine, where you need not worry about having an unfortunate accident. Then, if I remember, I could let you out tomorrow!

Sound good? Or have your delusions subsided?

[Patrick1990]

Re: It's A Miracle, I've Found Christ!

Paddy,
It is very late and I am very tired, but reading your posts is making me a bit edgy. I can't put my finger on it, but you somehow write in such a way as to make the mind accelerate when it ought not do so.

I am going to have to agree with Pastor Al and Sister Jenny. You need to take a Godly "chill pill" son. Take it down a notch. Breath for a minute, use your inside voice.

You are blazing along at 300 MPH, making spelling errors simply because you are thinking too fast. Jesus brought you to us for a reason boy, just calm down and tell us about yourself. What church do you attend? How many children has your wife produced? How much do you weigh?

Thank you very much for participating in my thread, Capt. A. Portway! With such a noble name, you must be a Godly Man! Oh GOD yes, my senses never ceases to amaze! You are indeed a Godly Man!

Yes, I am well aware that I write in such virulent, overhyped manners, but this is all just an extra effort I go through to display my excitement of spreading the Word of God, KJV-style! GOD approves!

If you do not mind me asking, where may I acquire one of these Godly "chill pills", o noble Capt. A. Portway?

Alas, I may unintentionally make obnoxious errors in my grammar, however, you must keep in mind that English is not my mother language as I am from Denmark, which is located in northern Europe!

I attend a local church named Faderhuset (The Father House), and I do not currently possess a wife as I am merely eigtheen (18) years of age! I weigh 86 kg, (we use kilograms in Europe!) which is approximately 190 pounds!

GOD bless!