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  • Wide-Open
    Director of European Evangelical Outreach
    A Shining Example of Christ's Love
    Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2007
    • 18449
    #1

    German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

    Friends, Sisters, and others.

    I tried to witness on a German forum today, spreading the love and light of Jesus, our Savior®.

    To my utter dismay, they didn't even believe that I was real, let alone our Lord Jesus Christ.

    These people only want to kill other people. Digitally when they feel like it, in real life when they feel like it as well. Buy a German GPS, and it will point to Poland all day long.

    When you sign up, you have to choose a weapon. And a second weapon. Now my only weapon is Jesus, and it wasn't even included in the list.

    Let's pray for these heathens. Amen.
    Psalm 81:10:
    I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
    open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
    Tags: None
    • Bob4God
      Moderator
      Arms Dealer for CHRIST
      Hands folded for Jesus
       
      • Apr 2008
      • 5274
      #2
      Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

      It's truly heartbreaking. All we want to do is involve JESUS in everything they enjoy and this is how they thank us.
      sigpic
      The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
      - Proverbs 15:3

      CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


      CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


        Comment

        • Nobar King
          Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
          Christ's Guardian
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2007
          • 23748
          #3
          Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

          Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
          To my utter dismay, they didn't even believe that I was real, let alone our Lord Jesus Christ.
          You don't look anything like Him.
          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • Ezekiel Bathfire
              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
              Christ's Rottweiler
               
              • Jan 2008
              • 22878
              #4
              Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

              Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
              You don't look anything like Him.
              That's what the Germans said.
              sigpic


              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

              Author of such illuminating essays as,
              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                Comment

                • Brother Temperance
                  Senior Usher
                  True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                  A very nice young man
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 15621
                  #5
                  Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

                  Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                  Friends, Sisters, and others.

                  I tried to witness on a German forum today, spreading the love and light of Jesus, our Savior®.

                  To my utter dismay, they didn't even believe that I was real, let alone our Lord Jesus Christ.
                  As much as I hate to defend the Krauts, surely the fact that they don't believe in the Belgium hoax proves their heads must be screwed on at least some of the way? It's only after they've rejected irrational superstitions like Belgians that they can be persuaded to accept the Truth of Our Lord. I think their rejection of the concept of "Belgians" is a very positive sign.
                  O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                  God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78555
                      #6
                      Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

                      What I don't like about the krauts is that they are all either Mary worshipers or Lutherans, which is basically the same thing. Also they eat far too many sausages, which I've always maintained will turn people queer.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                        Comment

                        • Brother Temperance
                          Senior Usher
                          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                          A very nice young man
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 15621
                          #7
                          Re: German gamertards don't believe in Jesus... or in me!

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          What I don't like about the krauts is that they are all either Mary worshipers or Lutherans, which is basically the same thing. Also they eat far too many sausages, which I've always maintained will turn people queer.
                          Did you know that their vile, gutteral language has a "neuter" case? Instead of being feminine or masculine, like all God's normal creations, the Germans can just stick "Das" in front of any word and it instantly becomes transgendered. This explains a lot. Maybe if they could tell the difference between the mustachioed, lederhosen-sporting women and the mustachioed, lederhosen-sporting men, they wouldn't need to relieve the stress by invading Poland every ten minutes.
                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                            Comment

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