Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

[maverickxeo]

The topic title should be answered, as well as the following:

Edited for security reasons.

[Enobarbus]

Re: Why is Freehold not on the map?

The topic title should be answered, as well as the following:

Edited.

My friend, these are not questions that are appropriate on the forum. There are security and legal problems involved. Landover has a permanent injunction enjoining the unsaved from coming within a ten-mile radius of the church and we must keep certain matters secret.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Why is Freehold not on the map?

My friend, these are not questions that are appropriate on the forum. There are security and legal problems involved. Landover has a permanent injunction enjoining the unsaved from coming within a ten-mile radius of the church and we must keep certain matters secret.

Not to mention we are a primary target of Al Quida along with all the pie stealers, fem nazis and other anti-Christian scum of the world. Our enemies are so frantic in their hatred and so petty they have hack this forum at lest three times now. Since we are loved by Christ we are hated by the world Mav, so we TRUE Christians have to vigilant at all times.

[lilith]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

The topic title should be answered, as well as the following:

Edited for security reasons.

Obvious,surely - they're petrified someone might escape.


Of course....some have managed it in spite of the attack pastors.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

Obvious,surely - they're petrified someone might escape.


Of course....some have managed it in spite of the attack pastors.

I always thought our security was for keeping folks like Lilith OUT!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

I always thought our security was for keeping folks like Lilith OUT!

Perhaps a kind and thoughtful pastor will share with us the story of Lilith's capture (doubtless engaged in an act of witchery) and eventual escape?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

Perhaps a kind and thoughtful pastor will share with us the story of Lilith's capture (doubtless engaged in an act of witchery) and eventual escape?

Most of it is confidental but what I can say is Litith was captured during a standard wicker DoF population survey. Her weight was then taken and she was tagged to track further movement. She was then remitted by the DoF to Landover Wicker Rehab for experimental drug therapy. Unfortunately it was discovered previous heavy recreational drug use undermined any therapeutic value of the drug program. This combined with her instance of keep a bobcat as a pet (that is suspected in the disappearance of two of the Church’s Mexican gardeners) and a sexual assault on one of the Church’s security staff during drug crazed frenzy it was decided to return her to the DoF Wicker population survey. A GPS transponder was then surgically implanted into Lilith as she was released back into the wild.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

Most of it is confidental but what I can say is Litith was captured during a standard wicker DoF population survey. Her weight was then taken and she was tagged to track further movement. She was then remitted by the DoF to Landover Wicker Rehab for experimental drug therapy. Unfortunately it was discovered previous heavy recreational drug use undermined any therapeutic value of the drug program. This combined with her instance of keep a bobcat as a pet (that is suspected in the disappearance of two of the Church’s Mexican gardeners) and a sexual assault on one of the Church’s security staff during drug crazed frenzy it was decided to return her to the DoF Wicker population survey. A GPS transponder was then surgically implanted into Lilith as she was released back into the wild.

What a horrifying story!

I never knew . . . Lilith, you poor dear, was it as horrible as it sounds?

How can I ask this delicately . . . Oh, but I must know the gory details!

Well, out with it, I suppose! Did you feel great anguish and terrible pain when that female security guard rejected your advances, or, being a heathen harlot, did you just try to move on to the next in line, male or female?

[maverickxeo]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

So no one can answer?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

So no one can answer?

We have. But since you are too much of vegetable molesting idiot to understand we are going to make it simple and just ban you.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

So no one can answer?

The answer is simpler than Baptist turnip picker.


Subpoena!!


They are desperate to keep from being served court papers. There are more than a few family trusts litigating against these flimflammers who prey on unsuspecting Christian tithers while spending millions on lawyers, lavish living and licentious largesse.


Such abuse of religious office brings tears to this old Padre’s eye.



Bless you, my banned belligerent,
Father Mo

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

The answer is simpler than Baptist turnip picker.


Subpoena!!


They are desperate to keep from being served court papers. There are more than a few family trusts litigating against these flimflammers who prey on unsuspecting Christian tithers while spending millions on lawyers, lavish living and licentious largesse.


Such abuse of religious office brings tears to this old Padre’s eye.



Bless you, my banned belligerent,
Father Mo

Ah, Father Mo.

You say this as your Pontiff hides in Vatican City, surrounded by Bishops and Cardinals and Rooks and Queens, all to avoid anyone successfully naming him in one of thousands of lawsuits against the Catlicker Cult!

Someday, we at Landover will have our own sovereign nation, like the Catlicks! Except ours will have a military, not some freaks in fancy dress parading up and down.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

...will have a military, not some freaks in fancy dress parading up and down.

Do you mean like Bobby-Joe?



Bless you, my misser of the obvious,
Father Mo

[lilith]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

Most of it is confidental but what I can say is Litith was captured during a standard wicker DoF population survey. Her weight was then taken and she was tagged to track further movement. She was then remitted by the DoF to Landover Wicker Rehab for experimental drug therapy. Unfortunately it was discovered previous heavy recreational drug use undermined any therapeutic value of the drug program. **This combined with her instance of keep a bobcat as a pet (that is suspected in the disappearance of two of the Church’s Mexican gardeners)* and a sexual assault on one of the Church’s security staff during drug crazed frenzy it was decided to return her to the DoF Wicker population survey. A GPS transponder was then surgically implanted into Lilith as she was released back into the wild.***

* There's absolutely NO evidence to connect TCFH with the disappearence of Juan & Carlos. When last seen,they were selling Burritos (or something) from their highly successful Mexican restaurant.

** So,BJ - no mention of your little hollowed out bible,filled with...um..herbal cigarettes,then? Or your fluffy handcuffs?

***Which my technowhizz subsequently removed - luckily the Landover "highly technical" equates to last century's equipment - a cellphone with beeps to "phone home" every 30 minutes was unlikely to work.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Why is Security at Freehold so tight?

Do you mean like Bobby-Joe?

B-J is clearly on a horse, blind one.