Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's toda

[Bobby-Joe]

Greetings Brethren,

Yet again as head of Landover Pastoral Security Services I have to step forward and squelch some rumors.

TRUE: There was a medical emergency at Sister Talitha today.

Sister Talitha was not injure herself. Last I time I saw her, 2:30pm CST, she was in good health and getting over the shock.

FACTS: Brother T.M. Franklin Cownie was in for his weekly pre-circumcision therapy with Sister Taltiha when he suffered a massive and fatal heart attack. Apparently Brother Cownie was in one of the standard restart harness for his routine demonic-purge colonic when he accidentally choked himself self on the leather collar and suffered a heart attack. Sister Talitha immediately cut away the wet suite Brother Cownie was wearing and administered CPR but despite her best efforts and prayers the good Lord chose to call Brother Cownie to His side and Glory. Brother Cownie was pronounced dead at the scene and the Freehold county corner has declared Cownie's death accidental.

Please join me in offering our deepest condolences to Sister Talitha and Cownie family for this tragedy. I do hope those who were spreading those horrible rumors abouSister Talitha's are ashamed of themselves. As you see this was a perfectly ordinary and Godly procedure performed in responsible Christian manner. As Jesus reminded us we should not judge lest we be judged ourselves.

YIC
Bobby-Joe Tabor

[Little Amy]

Re: Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's

Oh that is so horrible. My deepest condolences Sister Talitiha.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's

My sincerest condolences to the Cownie family as well as to Sister Talitha. Brother Cownie appeared to be so healthy when he came by the other week to buy part of my son-in-law's collection of vintage health magazines. I am sure that he is now in the bosom of Abraham; in addition to his tithing level, he was committed to the life of the church and did such a wonderful job with the church teen club.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's

Well, I didn't understand one iota of what you said but I is sorry!

[Talitha]

Re: Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's

Thank you for clearing this up for me Bobby Joe.

It's only today that I feel able to talk about it.
Brother Cownie was very chirpy when he arrived at my Clinic and seemed more eager than ever to have his treatments.
He had only been in his Harness for 45 minutes when he started to go very red in the face and seemed to be having difficulty breathing.
He then started foaming at the mouth.
It was most unfortunate that at that very same moment I had an important call and had to leave the room.
When I got back just 30 minutes later the poor man had expired.

Certain persons who shall be nameless (until my Joo Lawyers have finished with them) have been spreading some malicious rumors about this terrible tragedy.
To clarify: Brother Cownie HAD NO PLANS to leave his wife for a much more attractive Woman and there were NO SIGNED DOCUMENTS leaving all of his vast wealth to this certain other very attractive, Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm other lady.

Jesus knows the truth and shall be my witness

[Wide-Open]

Re: Rumor Control: Explanation of emergency at Sister Talithia's

He then started foaming at the mouth.

Stop right there Sister!

Foaming? That's Satan. Clearly.

I hope your lawyers will sue his family for putting your tender self in such a dangerous situation.