[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Policing Freehold

The things an Officier or the Law has to put up with. Amazing.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

"At this point Mr. Borders was really putting on a show of bravado

I'll just bet he was!

Sadly, the apple never seems to fall very far from the tree, does it?

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 2, 2010

Apparently over Memorial Day weekend, somebody vandalized the grave of one of Freehold's only known (and now dead) gay persons.

He died before I moved here to Freehold, but apparently the young man was shot during an unfortunate indoor hunting accident while visiting another town. (I would of course argue that it was God's will.)

When dispatch sent an Officer to the scene, I was unfortunately in the bathroom and couldn't finish my business in time to stop Officer Borders from taking the call! (I keep the radio on me at all times.)

It's just like that bleeding-heart liberal to volunteer for something like this. Well you better believe I finished up as quickly as possible and followed him to the cemetery.

When we both arrived he put on a very unexpected display of assertiveness.

"Get lost, Richards, I know what you're doing here."

Well, I don't take lip off nobody, so I got up real close to his face and said,

"Oh yeah?"

He didn't back down, and that really made me mad, because usually when I puff out my chest he listens.

"I know you're a Christian and whatever and you think he deserved to be shot, but going to rub salt in his family's freshly opened wound isn't going to prove a damned thing." This guy just knows NOTHING about what Christianity is really about.

He turned and walked away. I was stunned this little weasel had the fortitude speak to an actual man like that.

I followed closely on his heels.

We arrived in the south end of the cemetery. (Where all the trash is buried.)

The family was gathered together in a small huddle near the head stone, which had the word "FAGGIT" painted across it in neon-green and a rather obscene (yet strangely amusing) penis and testicles dangling above the last name.

A man, the deviant's father, stepped forward. He explained that the family gets together once-a-year on Memorial Day to decorate various family graves, and of course visit their homo son's girly remains.

The mother, in wavering tones, said, "We figured something like this would happen sooner or later, and now it has."

"Not as bad as what's happening to him right now in hell" I said under my breath.

Borders gave me a quick glare and then proceeded.

"Has your family made any enemies recently?"

"No" was the blunt reply.

"I can think of one up in Heaven they made when they let their son become a homosexual." I said.

At this point the waterworks started up and mommy dearest started crying.

"I honestly thought Iowa was moving past some of this" said the father angrily. Apparently they all want to go to hell and be with their kid.

"You can't move past God, he's everywhere." I said.

They had a younger boy with them, it was likely a little brother.

"You know," I said, "it must be rough to lose a kid like that, but if you think about it, you actually SAVED a kid by not having a perverted older influence around to recruit his little brother to the same perverted life style."

At this point Mr. Borders was really putting on a show of bravado and told me he could "handle it from there." This would be funny.

Borders proceeded with the report. I quoted the Bible in his ear as he did, reminding him what God says about those who support gays.

He promised a "swift investigation."

I didn't understand it. The investigation was already closed before it started, and God was the Judge, Jury and Executioner.

I talked to him about that later and he insisted that trials be "tangible and public" and everybody have a right to confront their accusers before a sentence is passed. I am actually starting to believe there is no hope for Borders ever becoming a Christian.

Oh well, I gave some Chick Tracts to the family, so maybe they'll come around at least.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ossifer, my door is Always™ open and the Donuts are always warm

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

1989 + 2010 = 19, duh.

(I already have these equations written out on a poster board in bright red ink for Monday.)...

...Well this day was almost a complete waste of everyone's time and energy. That kid found a pretty scummy lawyer to lie to an entire court that 1989 to 2010 is 21 years. (And how the judge LAUGHED at my poster board was unprofessional and insulting!)

If it hadn't been for the unlikely phone call from the Mayor of Freehold that took place after our recess I might have lost the case altogether!

This just proves what I've always said: public schools should be disbanded altogether. All that wacky "new math" is polluting the students' brains. And don't me started on all those other crazy liberal propaganda things they teach, like evolution and global warming. We could save billions of dollars in taxes if all public schools were closed.

Now some people talk about giving vouchers for private schools, but actually I don't think that's necessary, and indeed it would be an enormously expensive waste. For most Americans home schooling is the way to go. Of course, I know that lots of parents don't have time to teach their kids, but actually I don't think that's a problem either. Really, when you think about it, why do kids need a formal education?

Look, the vast majority of jobs in America today don't require you to read and write. Flipping burgers at McDonald's, coal mining, cleaning oil spills off of beaches, greeting people at Wal-Mart, selling drugs, prison guard, mercenary - all perfect examples of the great careers that await your children. Outside of learning to sign their names on credit card applications, your kids don't even need to know what an "alphabet" is, and in fact they can just use a thumb-print so they don't even need to know that.

Furthermore, I'd like to point out that some of the greatest leaders in world history - Genghis Khan, Attila-the-Hun, Ronald Reagan, George W Bush - were illiterate, but that didn't prevent them from doing wonderful things. For example, here's President Bush at a photo-op helping to rebuild New Orleans:


Heck of a job

I've heard liberals say that the public needs to be literate so that they can vote, but we've already proven in our staged Afghan-Iraqi elections that this is not necessary. Just put a picture of a candidate on the ballot, and people can mark an "X" next to it. Then we dab some purple ink on their thumbs to show they voted. All those years of studying just to learn how to read and write just so you can mark an "X" - what's the point? In fact, our research has shown that the more book learning people get, the more likely they are to vote for liberal candidates like Jimmy Carter - that just proves that education makes you stupider.


Democracy in action: "We don't need no education."

Of course, responsible citizens should be well-informed, so they'll understand who to vote for. Back in the old days before the 20th century, people had to become literate so they could read newspapers to understand what was going on. But these days, we've got AM talk radio, Fox News, and audio books by Ann Coulter, so reading is redundant. And as for studying the Bible, that problem is solved with both audio and video - you can get the whole King James Bible on mp3, or watch movies like Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.

In short, public school education is one of those elitist, liberal schemes to make your kids into communists. Either give your kids home schooling, or better yet don't even bother and just put them to work in a garment factory where they can get on-the-job training (my company can help - we're training 8-year-old seamstresses in Bangladesh right now!). Sure, some people ought to go to school - mainly the off-spring of the wealthy, who attend private academies where they learn how to scam stocks and bonds - but most Americans should just understand that God intended them to work with their hands and allow the ruling CEO class to make all the big decisions.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well this day was almost a complete waste of everyone's time and energy. That kid found a pretty scummy lawyer to lie to an entire court that 1989 to 2010 is 21 years. (And how the judge LAUGHED at my poster board was unprofessional and insulting!)

If it hadn't been for the unlikely phone call from the Mayor of Freehold that took place after our recess I might have lost the case altogether!

Still, the only outcome is that this kid has to pay a fine. I was hoping for some more jail time, or community service. Who knew we had our own liberal activist judge right here in Freehold?

My blood pressure is still pounding from the whole thing.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

As always, Ofc. Richards, if you need the court room filled with character references, witnesses (we'll need to brief them forst) or what ever you need, you got it. I still owe you big time. It is Jesus's way of sharing the love.

I am very well-known in Freehold, but a few extra character references never hurt. You can always find a witness or two if you know just where to look. Will see you Monday.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

As always, Ofc. Richards, if you need the court room filled with character references, witnesses (we'll need to brief them forst) or what ever you need, you got it. I still owe you big time. It is Jesus's way of sharing the love.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Bless all of you Mens once again for ciphering up all of those nerve-wracking mathematical calculations, Officer Don.

Why, just imagine what might happen if We Ladies were called upon to do such! JESUS!

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: Policing Freehold

I expect that all my good True Christian friends will be there to cheer me on and watch me beat the false accusations and allegations of "brutality" this little queer is slandering me with.

Over and out.

You are darned-tootin right Officer Don!!! I and the rest of my clan will be there to cheer the good ol' Freehold PD on at this sham of a trial!!!! Keep up the good work Officer Don, all of us here appreciate the good police-work y'all do every day by keeping them queers, meth-heads, and other cathlicks out of our community!!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Policing Freehold

I can tell you, Officer Richards, the citizens of Freehold appreciate the work you do.

No one wants to live in a City where alcohol is consumed by young people who are, or are close to, being underage.

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Policing Freehold

I bet the punk has a GED. Make sure the judge knows that and you have a degree in law enforcement.

No need for expert witnesses, just impugn his credentials.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

I apologize for being away for so long. Over the last month I've been preparing for a court case that is taking place next Monday.

For those of you that didn't hear about it directly from me, I was on a routine patrol last month on 4/24/2010 when I saw a young man who was working on a pickup truck parked in his driveway.

At first glance nothing was out of the ordinary, but Officers of the Law can see things normal people don't. As I inspected the scene a glint caught my eye. There was an open can of beer sitting on the roof of the pickup.

I pulled over and approached the hooligan.

"I see you've got an open container there."

He responded plainly, "I'm on my own property."

"You got an ID?" I asked.

He presented me a driver's license. The DOB was 4/2/1989. I added it up in my head.

"You're too young to drink alcohol. Put your hands behind your back."

"Are you crazy?" He snapped.

"You were born on April 2nd, 1989. This is April 24, 2010. You are 20 years old."

"I turned 21 on the second of this month! That was 22 days ago!"

I added it again on my fingers just to double-check. This time I actually found out I had made an error and he was only 19!

"Nice try, but you just screwed the pooch mister. You're actually 19!"

"DUDE! What the f***!" He exclaimed. Now we had a charge of public profanity to add to the list.

He attempted to reason: "Okay look, April 2, 1989 to April 2, 1999 is how many years? 10 right? So, 1999 to 2010 is what? 11. So 10 plus 11 equals what?"

He was trying to confuse me with numbers. But it wasn't going to work. I had already figured out that 1989 to 2010 is 19 years, and he was just being argumentative. After all, what's 9 plus 10?

1989 + 2010 = 19, duh.

(I already have these equations written out on a poster board in bright red ink for Monday.)

He was resisting at this point so I had to take him down in the old Richards way. When we got back to the PD, I booked the little punk and he was given his own little cell. He demanded a lawyer, like all criminals do.

We were very busy with paper work and it was Pizza Night, and his request for a lawyer was simply forgotten. We had to let him out the next day anyway, and we just told him the phone wasn't working so he couldn't call a lawyer anyway. (That was my idea.)

However, I insisted that I get to write him a citation, and all of my friends in the locker room agreed that I should, so I did.

Now, he's taking me to court over the matter. The court date is this Monday, and I am certain that I am going to win. I expect that all my good True Christian friends will be there to cheer me on and watch me beat the false accusations and allegations of "brutality" this little queer is slandering me with.

Over and out.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

A white woman allowing her young daughter to play with a darkie - well, we shouldn't be surprised. Liberals have been advocating for years that the races should be mixed. It all started with freeing the slaves, then school busing, allowing mixed marriages - and we've got Obama as the result.

Of course, True Christians home-school their kids, which helps to avoid contact with the darker races (not to mention learning blasphemy like socialism and the global warming hoax). But if you really want to prevent your children from getting dangerous ideas, you need to take stronger action.

That's why my company recently started a juvenile boot camp. Conveniently located in the Dominican Republic (where child abuse laws are lax), your son or daughter can enjoy warm tropical weather while getting a good Christian education and strict discipline.



Our rigorous curriculum includes Bible study, Republican indoctrination, abstinence-only sex education, plus fun activities such as target shooting and water boarding. Good news: If your child suffers from obesity, we can cure that too - most of our students lose 30% of their body weight in just a few months.


Formerly obese 18-year-old
after only 3 weeks of study

Prices begin at only $3000/month, but there are discounts if you enroll 3 or more children. I hope you'll take advantage of this exciting program. I can assure you that your children will never forgive forget it!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

It was that monster SHANE, all stooped over and in "blackface." I Know® it must have been him!

Yams in Cream,

SUV

You know I hadn't thought of that until just now. I should've asked for an ID.

I am going to be keeping a lot closer eye on Shane than ever before, I hadn't taken into consideration that he was a sex pervert child molester. I wonder if he's Catholic?