[Noah Dint]

Re: Policing Freehold

Erh, those are my students. We were having a good laugh about something funny in the Bible. Erh, you know, that part about the snake eating an apple, or something like that.

This is one of my body guards. She was teaching me how to use a whip to defend myself:



Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

I'm with you Brother Fred. Praise the Lord!

-ND

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

Those are your body guards? They don't look very dangerous to me. They actually look like they may promote bad entities to approach you.

Hmmmmmm.

-ND

Erh, those are my students. We were having a good laugh about something funny in the Bible. Erh, you know, that part about the snake eating an apple, or something like that.

This is one of my body guards. She was teaching me how to use a whip to defend myself:



Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

[Noah Dint]

Re: Policing Freehold

Those are your body guards? They don't look very dangerous to me. They actually look like they may promote bad entities to approach you.

Hmmmmmm.

-ND

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

I've been home for 20 minutes and I just realized that Vickie is not here. WHERE IS SHE?!

Gee, Ofc Don, I think it's actually been something like two months, now.....

Poor Man. Being kept so busy policing the secular that your Family Life is Suffering

Yeah, work can be hectic and family life can suffer as a result. But I have to sympathize with Officer Don. My wife was gone for three years before I noticed.

I also got a couple of kids..can't remember their names right off-hand. Anyway, I haven't seen them around for awhile either. I wonder where they're at?

Right now, I'm on vacation in Cambodia for the Christmas holidays. When I get back to Hong Kong next week, I'll have to ask my security people to see if they can locate my family. Thanks for reminding me, Sister SUV.



Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred, promoting family values in Cambodia

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

EDIT: I've been home for 20 minutes and I just realized that Vickie is not here. WHERE IS SHE?!

Gee, Ofc Don, I think it's actually been something like two months, now.....

Poor Man. Being kept so busy policing the secular that your Family Life is Suffering

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2009

People just do not know how to drive on snow and ice.

Main street has been taken good care of by our Godly city workers, but some of the residential areas still need some work.

I was on patrol this morning, and I was just rolling down 12th street, when I got a call to go to a fender bender two streets over. Great I thought, another mormon who doesn't know how to cope with a little ice.

Well, I turned around and was getting ready to respond when somehow I ended up rear-ending a very poorly parked Dodge truck. It was probably one of the worst parallel parking jobs I'd ever seen, and you know how wide those trucks are anyway. I stepped out to write them a ticket and let them know that they should not expect the FPD to pay for their mistake.

After leaving the ticket in the windshield wipers, I got back in the cruiser and set it in reverse. Unfortunately, I think the accelerator stuck, and I ended up backing into a Lincoln that was also badly parked. I was getting pretty frustrated at this point because now I had to write another ticket, get out in the cold and plaster it to the windshield, and then get to the scene of the accident I said I would be at within five minutes.

Well, I got to the scene, and just as I suspected, some idiot who doesn't know how to drive a car on snow and ice had plowed into the back of another idiot.

It was a pretty stressful morning, but lucrative for the city. When I got back to the station, chief said to take the rest of the day off, which I am doing. (With pay, of course.)

EDIT: I've been home for 20 minutes and I just realized that Vickie is not here. WHERE IS SHE?!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

What do you think about stringing a length of piano wire across the areas where the punks skateboard? I'd even pay good money to see that.

America's next "Reality" show!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

I just wanted to drop in and let you all know that I haven't forgotten about my church family, but have been really busy over the holidays taking in vagrants and rowdy children making scenes in the mall.

Officer Don, I'm glad you mentioned this problem of rowdy children at the mall. I don't think that anything upsets me more than when these young punks come careening through the mall on their skateboards. Of course, there are rules against skateboarding in public places, but the elderly shopping mall security guards are in no condition to catch violators.

Of course, they could take them out with a hunting rifle, but there's always the risk that they'll miss and hit an innocent bystander, which would invite a lawsuit. So I guess firearms are not the answer.

What do you think about stringing a length of piano wire across the areas where the punks skateboard? I'd even pay good money to see that.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

I just wanted to drop in and let you all know that I haven't forgotten about my church family, but have been really busy over the holidays taking in vagrants and rowdy children making scenes in the mall.

The holidays may be all fun and games for you, but for the boys in blue, it's a rough part of the year.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don,

I imagine that you might have already seen this story:

Cop Brings Gun to Snowball Fight

And here's a photo of the terrorists in action:



I certainly hope that you'll be on the lookout for these dangerous thugs in Freehold. The cop in DC didn't open fire, only used his gun to threaten "the vermin," but personally I don't see any reason why you should be so restrained. Of course, the liberal Supreme Court will probably claim that snowball throwers "got rights," just like homos and illegal aliens. Those liberals are always trying to tie the hands of our police officers. That's what's ruined this country - liberal do-gooders coddling criminals. Maybe you need to deputize Chuck Norris and break some heads - enough is enough!

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I imagine that his mouth is full of Blessings right now. Jesus is receiving Oral even as we speak.

LORDY! I do Hope He keeps His Robe clean!

(All those ink smears on Brother Roberts' hands from Bible-reading, you know.)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Policing Freehold

Any Word from Oral Roberts yet, Brother?

I imagine that his mouth is full of Blessings right now. Jesus is receiving Oral even as we speak.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I also frequently talk to God, and He answers, especially on days when I forget to take my thorazine. He sends me radio transmissions which I receive through the fillings in my teeth. At times, I also get messages from Ronald Reagan, Adolf Hitler and other prominent Republicans who now reside in Heaven.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

Any Word from Oral Roberts yet, Brother?

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I also frequently talk to God, and He answers, especially on days when I forget to take my thorazine. He sends me radio transmissions which I receive through the fillings in my teeth. At times, I also get messages from Ronald Reagan, Adolf Hitler and other prominent Republicans who now reside in Heaven.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2009

Something very special happened to me today. Traffic duty is one of my favorite shifts, because I get to drive around town keeping the peace, eating donuts and talking to Jesus.

I talk to Jesus a lot in the patrol car. Sometimes he talks back.

Well, this evening Jesus was especially talkative. He was filling me with his spirit. Suddenly, I had this profound urge, a calling to go to 110 West Ark street. I can't explain why. All I know is that God was telling me, "Don, I want you to go to 110 West Ark street."

So I did. Who am I to question the will of my God?

When I arrived, I heard God's voice again, saying "Don, I want you to go knock on the door and ask if everything is okay."

I got out of the cruiser, banged on the front door and after 30 seconds, a distraught woman opened answered.

"Is everthing okay ma'am?" I asked.

"Oh thank God you've arrived Officer!" she said. "My husband came home drunk, and he's threatening me and our children!"

Right then, the drunken husband came stumbling out of the door, yelling and spilling beer all over himself.

He sort of just stumbled right into my hands where I could slap the cuffs on him. I threw him in the back of patrol car and returned to the house.

"He's going to be spending the night with us, ma'am." I said.

She was so grateful, and praising God: "Oh officer, Jesus must have sent you to us! When my husband came home drunk, I started praying that God would keep him calm, that he would protect me and the children. When my husband started yelling and became threatening, I prayed to Jesus saying, 'Oh lord, please protect us! Please send your angels to keep us safe!' Ten minutes later, YOU showed up Officer!"

This was truly one of the most profound and spiritual experiences of my life. This is going to be the story I tell from now on when people ask me how I know there is a God.

We knelt down right there on her front porch and both thanked God for sending me to save this poor, innocent family from the evils of the devil's drink.

It was when I was returning to my patrol car that another unit arrived on the scene. It was that nincompoop, Officer Borders.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm responding to the domestic disturbance call at 110 West Ark. The neighbors called it in, said there was a lot of screaming and yelling going on, and that there's kids involved."

I was stunned at his attempt to disprove my religious experience: "What are you talking about? I never heard any call on the radio about a disturbance at 110 West Ark. You just followed me here, didn't you! And you waited until everything was taken care of to show your face! Now you're trying to explain away this amazing proof that God has just given me that he is actually real and does intervene in our lives!"

Borders kept insisting that there HAD been a call on the radio and I must not have consciously acknowledged it because I was too "distracted with my thoughts."

Well I was pretty digusted with the lack of faith on his part. Obviously he hates God and will do anything to try and undermine the awesome evidence that keeps cropping up in support of our Creator.

A lot of the people at the station also said that there had been a disturbance call on the radio this evening, but at least they, being decent Christians, were rational enough to agree that God probably sent me there ahead of time, before the call was even made. It was placed at 6:14 PM. I don't remembe what time it was exactly when I felt the urge to go to the scene, but I'm sure it was probably before that. God works in mysterious ways, and no rookie atheist young punk of a "cop" is going to convince me otherwise.