HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

[SUV]

That's Right - Happy, Happy, Happy! Don't bother Weeping for Dead and disabled vets, because if they were any part of a True Christian, they'll be proud to have given it ALL - or at least a body part or so - for GOD and Country!!!


This is why it's always so important to claim we've WON whatever War we've been in whether we actually did or not. Does anyone remember Confederate General John Bell Hood?



Well if you do, SHAME ON YOU!!! Because though he'd lost an arm at Gettysburg and a leg at Chickamauga and had to be strapped into the saddle, still, at the end, against all odds, he nearly pulled it off. (SHUT UP, all you dirty-minded heethens!) But he DIDN'T. He failed JESUS and was a LOSER and that's why no one remembers him today, even though he did have JESUS and had actually just become Born-Again a few years' earlier.

(Wait - something is dreadfully wrong here in my narrative! I do Trust that a Good Pastor will be along with Godspeed to clean this detail up: How could he lose when he was so obviously Religious with JESUS, and not moohamhead or some other silly "God" -? )

Don't ponder upon this last paragraph, people. Some sort of silly female error of mine in the telling. I'm Sure that one of our Manly Pastors will be along to explain this and pull my chestnuts out of the Fire at any minute now. JESUS!!!!!

PS And don't forget to give Thanksgiving as the smoke rises from your Barbeque Grills or you get into your SUVS or board you airplanes for Travel today. Incredibly, many folks don't remember to do this - can you Believe it?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

Sweet Lil SUV, Happy Memorial Day too! And Happy Jesus Day (it is Sunday). Anyway, I am reminded of Civil War General Ambrose Everett Burnside, who besides being a most manly man with good Godly sideburns, devised a cunning plan to create a crater with explosives. His troops descended into the crater, but it was too deep, so they became trapped. Most of his men were killed for Jesus like fish in a pond. Later in his glorious career, Mr. Burnside befriended the most glorious General George B. McClellan, another exceptionally successful war hero! SHOUT GLORY FOR JESUS!

PS I hope it isn't a sacrilege to compare these glorious leaders to HIM.

[SUV]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

Bless you, Mother Glynndie, for remembering these Godly Generals - the important ones - the ones who WON!!!!

And memories of General.....Hooker!

And General Irvin McDowell, who led the charge at our first Battle, 1st Bull Run, who once ate an entire watermelon and pronounced it "Monstrous fine!"

And that nice General Sherman. He just destroys me! He can Rape & Pillage me any old time! (Please don't tell Pastor I said that!)

So many memories.....so many. Although it would be best to shun Chief General Ulysses Simple Grant - what a stinker! God permitted him to Win that War and then he goes on to proclaim that Church and state should be kept forever separate! So what kind of loon was that? Ungrateful wretch! No wonder that God later went on to give him Painful throat cancer after he'd already wiped out his Finances.

And here's our Modern-day American Hero that gave Mother Glynndie her nickName! Why, it's our Little Mother, Lady Soldier Sister Lynndie England! Who has lately Repented. (But of what? What'd she do wrong to begin with?):



Come on, Congregation! Church is OUT (everybody's gon-na...have a ball. Church is OUT - gonna do our Prayin' - in the hall!)

So come on y'all and post your memories of Soldiers both Godly and unGodly (for us to Jeer at, of course!).

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

That's Right - Happy, Happy, Happy! Don't bother Weeping for Dead and disabled vets, because if they were any part of a True Christian, they'll be proud to have given it ALL - or at least a body part or so - for GOD and Country!!!


This is why it's always so important to claim we've WON whatever War we've been in whether we actually did or not. Does anyone remember Confederate General John Bell Hood?



Well if you do, SHAME ON YOU!!! Because though he'd lost an arm at Gettysburg and a leg at Chickamauga and had to be strapped into the saddle, still, at the end, against all odds, he nearly pulled it off. (SHUT UP, all you dirty-minded heethens!) But he DIDN'T. He failed JESUS and was a LOSER and that's why no one remembers him today, even though he did have JESUS and had actually just become Born-Again a few years' earlier.

(Wait - something is dreadfully wrong here in my narrative! I do Trust that a Good Pastor will be along with Godspeed to clean this detail up: How could he lose when he was so obviously Religious with JESUS, and not moohamhead or some other silly "God" -? )

Don't ponder upon this last paragraph, people. Some sort of silly female error of mine in the telling. I'm Sure that one of our Manly Pastors will be along to explain this and pull my chestnuts out of the Fire at any minute now. JESUS!!!!!

PS And don't forget to give Thanksgiving as the smoke rises from your Barbeque Grills or you get into your SUVS or board you airplanes for Travel today. Incredibly, many folks don't remember to do this - can you Believe it?

You've been chugging the cooking sherry again, haven't you?

[SUV]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

You've been chugging the cooking sherry again, haven't you?

A Baptist Lady never "chugs." She simply sips. Occasionally she might "guzzle" a bit, but only in Jesus' Name.

A thought to ponder upon as you Roast Eterne upon Beelzebub's everlasting Barbeque, wishing that someone would baste you!!!

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

Bless you, Mother Glynndie, for remembering these Godly Generals - the important ones - the ones who WON!!!!

And here's our Modern-day American Hero that gave Mother Glynndie her nickName! Why, it's our Little Mother, Lady Soldier Sister Lynndie England! Who has lately Repented. (But of what? What'd she do wrong to begin with?):



Come on, Congregation! Church is OUT (everybody's gon-na...have a ball. Church is OUT - gonna do our Prayin' - in the hall!)

So come on y'all and post your memories of Soldiers both Godly and unGodly (for us to Jeer at, of course!).

Poor little misunderstood Lynndie, I know our Jesus would just love her the way she is. And I wonder if I had the honor of delivering several dozen or my Snickerdoodles (still warm from the oven) if Lynndie might crack a little smile for Jesus? I believe Lynndie will be giving an inspirational speech for all LBC members this 4th of July.

[SUV]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

And I wonder if I had the honor of delivering several dozen or my Snickerdoodles (still warm from the oven) if Lynndie might crack a little smile for Jesus?

My GOD, Mother Glynndie, a warm plate of your Snickerdoodles would almost compel a Body to Buckdance for Jesus!!!

Even though dancing might still be SIN. We'll have to check Baptist Security's monthly updatings to see if it still is, or currently is not, SINFUL

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

A Baptist Lady never "chugs." She simply sips. Occasionally she might "guzzle" a bit, but only in Jesus' Name.


So you've been guzzling for Jesus - that explains a lot.

A thought to ponder upon as you Roast Eterne upon Beelzebub's everlasting Barbeque, wishing that someone would baste you!!!

I'm perfectly capable of getting basted without assistance. I just don't try to type when I'm basted.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

Poor little misunderstood Lynndie, I know our Jesus would just love her the way she is. And I wonder if I had the honor of delivering several dozen or my Snickerdoodles (still warm from the oven) if Lynndie might crack a little smile for Jesus? I believe Lynndie will be giving an inspirational speech for all LBC members this 4th of July.

I'm fairly certain that the photo of once private Englund you used there was snapped just moments after our Godly President Bush had bitchslapped her for giving him some sass right before a press conference to commemorate our fallen soldiers. That's why her face is swollen like a chipmunk. She takes it like a man from what I hear.

Anyway, God Bless America, and GWB and the GOP. Careful with those fireworks kids!

[SUV]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

I'm perfectly capable of getting basted without assistance. I just don't try to type when I'm basted.

Mrs. Joy, I don't type well when I'm 'basted' IN HIS LOVE either.

What might be your secret?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

Mrs. Joy, I don't type well when I'm 'basted' IN HIS LOVE either.

What might be your secret?

Home-grown.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: HAPPY Memorial Day!!!

I would like the mention General Lew Wallace.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lew_Wallace

He is of course the writer of Ben Hur. His major contributions to the American Civil War was managing to keep his division out of the Battle of Shilo and losing the Battle of Monocacy Junction. In reward for Ben Hur Jesus turned the defeat at Monocacy into a victory because the battle delayed a Confederate attack on Washington DC. That’s Jesus for you, always there to correct our mistakes.