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  • #46
    Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

    Originally posted by Shallow-izer View Post
    I see.....

    Well then.

    Could Jesus microwave a burito SO hot, not even he could eat it?
    Hey! You stole my burrito riddle!

    Comment

    • #47
      Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

      Originally posted by Joo View Post
      Hey! You stole my burrito riddle!
      Here we go again with the homer innuendo.


      Go look for your buttbuddies elsewhere, fag.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • #48
        Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        Here we go again with the homer innuendo.


        Go look for your buttbuddies elsewhere, fag.
        Oh wow, that hurt, it really did. Almost as much as stepping on a leaf.

        I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what the word "Riddle" means and that you're not a complete moron. Which if that is correct, you should be able to figure out what it means based on his post and my response to it. Go on, you can do it, we even spoke in godly English to make it easy for ya!

        Comment

        • #49
          Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

          Originally posted by SinisterPizza View Post
          I'd like to know that as well. I suppose, considering they fly it may have been hard to drown them....but why have them in the first place? Little flying, buzzing, itchy bloodsuckers- doesn't that just sound like a wonderful thing to put on the earthold
          Because He knew they would play a useful role in spreading GRIDS and malaria among the savage Africans that're dumb enough to fornicate with them.
          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

          Comment

          • #50
            Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

            Mine would be why did he make ticks, fleas and other annoying pest.

            Comment

            • #51
              Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

              Originally posted by lilpentecostalgirl View Post
              Mine would be why did he make ticks, fleas and other annoying pest.
              Good answer. The house I moved into this summer was infested with fleas. I had to pray for 3 solid months to get rid of them.
              Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
              in 2016

              Comment

              • #52
                Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                I'd ask Him what his favorite Christmas dinner is. This year, I'm thinking about boiling something (yes, I get tired of plain blood and crypt carcass). Just in case He drops in, you know.

                Comment

                • #53
                  Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                  I'd ask Jesus if he would rewrite the Bible again and finally put an end to the confusion of the other flawed Christian cults.
                  Then I'd ask him to send the pope and all his fag Priests to hell. And the Jews.
                  Mind you - an eternity being sodomised by Satan could very well be a Priests idea of heaven.
                  The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
                  Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL

                  Comment

                  • #54
                    Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    If you could ask Jesus one question, what would it be?

                    Please post your (respectful) questions here.



                    Myself, I'd like to know why He decided to leave those pesky mosquitos on Noah's Ark. I mean, couldn't we have just let them drown?
                    Good pastor

                    In my case I can ask NOTHING!

                    Those answers HE chose fit to be given I have them close to my heart in my pocket KJV.

                    Anything else, let HIM decide what I must be told (in this or in the next life)

                    LET US PRAY!

                    p.s. Brilliant, I knew right away that you were testing us because of the "silly" mosquitos question, make us think of what we THINK that we want and then REALY thinking of what we need more from JESUS.

                    PRAISE THE LORD!

                    Comment

                    • #55
                      Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                      I don't need to ask him a question. Therefore, instead of asking a question, I would simply settle for making a statement. This statement would be, "Boink You Jesus!"

                      There are no other words or phrases that could sufficiently express my true feelings and thoughts about him.
                      My friends Mary Jane and Larry Ashy know exactly what you need to feel good. Let them show you the way to relaxation.

                      Comment

                      • #56
                        Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                        My question would be how did He know, 3,000 years ago, that Landover Baptist Church would emerge as the only path to True Christianity™?

                        The proof is obvious and incontrovertable once your eyes are opened to it:

                        And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it; but it shall be for those: the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err therein. Isaiah 35:8

                        The way of holiness? The unclean shall not pass and fools shall not err therein? That sounds like Landover to me.

                        An highway? Isaiah 35? I-35? And where, exactly, does one find Freehold, Iowa, the home and spiritual center of Landover Baptist Church? Let's go to the screenshot from Google maps:




                        You guessed it, right on I-35. All those years ago, and yet He knew even then! Truly the Wonders of God are beyond the powers of mere human comprehension.

                        Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25

                        Comment

                        • #57
                          Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...

                          Originally posted by QueenWink View Post
                          I don't need to ask him a question. Therefore, instead of asking a question, I would simply settle for making a statement. This statement would be, "Boink You Jesus!"

                          There are no other words or phrases that could sufficiently express my true feelings and thoughts about him.
                          I would have to ask Jesus why it is that so very many people, when given the option of opening up to receive His gentle, penetrating Love and live in love and beauty with Him in Heaven forever, choose instead to condemn themselves to eternal torture in Hell.

                          What reason could they possibly have?! The mind boggles.
                          www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
                          Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

                          Christian Ladies:
                          Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

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                          • #58
                            Re: If you could ask Jesus one question...


                            If you could ask Jesus one question, what would it be?

                            Please post your (respectful) questions here.
                            If you died once and for ALL mankind, then why do you have so many books in the NT to follow rules? Sounds just like the OT law to me and many divide on this issue. I thought you said it was finished? To me, the NT should be nothing but a big grace party! Ahem.

                            Is it finished or not? Works, rules, anything, bular? Your church wants to know. They are sick of being devided over the one that would make Christianity even true/even friends unite/happy party. That would be the book of Acts for starters.

                            Is it really this difficult that men make it to be or not?

                            It would help if you would have sent the scrolls down in American!

                            If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.

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