Tweet
Sometimes this Christian community can be a drag. Now my neighbors are freaking out because Moonflower is my cook now. I mean for the love of Jesus do they think I, of all people in Landover, am going to allow a serious menace into our community? Not clear it with the Pastor’s first? I mean didn’t Pastor Al famously say “There are only two men at Landover I trust with Moonflower; Born Again Bob and Bobby-Joe, and may Jesus help you two.”? Doesn’t that kind of trust count for nothing today?
First it is neighbor X to the north of my house; he tells me wife is complaining that Moonflower is dancing naked in my yard at night. So have to show him the records for the GPS tracking bracelet I put on Moonflower and the photage of my security camera for the yard that night. Heck, Moonflower doesn’t even have the security code to open the door to her room after 10:00pm! What kind of sloppy Christian household do they think I run???
No, X keeps on nattering about how Moonflower is inducing perverted thoughts into his wife. Well when I pointed out he might stop letting her watch Desperate House Wives she might be less tempted, or did X think the Church doesn’t monitor those kind of things? That shut him up.
Then neighbor Y comes up to me after Church last Sunday and claims Moonflower “eye raped” him. I ask him how in the heck did that happen, as far as I know the two of them never have meet. (and I checked the GPS tracking system mind you) He then tells me “she is using her wicker powers to see threw the walls” I told him, nonsense, Neighbor’s Z Mexican gardener is more her taste and I’ve caught her watching him. If she is looking through walls it is into tanned and muscular Juan’s room. Then Y goes to say “That she using her mind to make him molest his kids”. That was nice. Neighbor Y is relaxing under Pastoral supervision in Landover Rehab now.
Arrrrh Jesus does test me at times.
First it is neighbor X to the north of my house; he tells me wife is complaining that Moonflower is dancing naked in my yard at night. So have to show him the records for the GPS tracking bracelet I put on Moonflower and the photage of my security camera for the yard that night. Heck, Moonflower doesn’t even have the security code to open the door to her room after 10:00pm! What kind of sloppy Christian household do they think I run???
No, X keeps on nattering about how Moonflower is inducing perverted thoughts into his wife. Well when I pointed out he might stop letting her watch Desperate House Wives she might be less tempted, or did X think the Church doesn’t monitor those kind of things? That shut him up.
Then neighbor Y comes up to me after Church last Sunday and claims Moonflower “eye raped” him. I ask him how in the heck did that happen, as far as I know the two of them never have meet. (and I checked the GPS tracking system mind you) He then tells me “she is using her wicker powers to see threw the walls” I told him, nonsense, Neighbor’s Z Mexican gardener is more her taste and I’ve caught her watching him. If she is looking through walls it is into tanned and muscular Juan’s room. Then Y goes to say “That she using her mind to make him molest his kids”. That was nice. Neighbor Y is relaxing under Pastoral supervision in Landover Rehab now.
Arrrrh Jesus does test me at times.
Comment