[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Offical Mayor's Proclamation
June 14, 2010

Whereas, stoning is admired and approved of in Bible as a method of maintaining justice and social order as cited in Laviticus 20: 2, 27, 24: 14, 16, 23, Numbers 14: 10, 15: 35, 36, Deuteronomy 13: 10. 17: 5, 21: 21, 22: 21, 24,

And, Whereas, today's court and justice system is doing nothing to correct the sinful behavior of our communities,

And, Whereas, the cost of incarceration is $100,000 US per year per inmate while stoning can be conducted with able volunteers,

And, Whereas, stoning is completely consistant with the concept of democratically elected government with it's parallel institution, citizen participation,

And, Whereas the City of Freehold and Landover Baptist Church wish to bring attention to this worthy, effective and holy method of administering just punishment,

BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED THAT I, JOHNY JOE HOLD, MAYOR, DO HEREBY PROCLAIM THE CITY OF FREEHOLD AS THE HOME FOR THE

FREEHOLD SUMMER STONING FESTIVAL

on July 17, 2010 and urge all citizens to take advantage of this opportunity to participate in stoning as well as other festive events in the City of Freehold, Iowa.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

[David Ben Ahzea]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

James Dewitt

Brother James, There is wisdom in what you say and it might be the time for stockpiling. My problem is that , as you might be aware,is my only residence is presently my Winnebago, until I can afford my move to Freehold (ie when I settle my law suit with Toyota). I have limited space to stockpile stones so I will have to settle for quality not quantity. What is considered the perfect projectile? Should I worry about weight, size or is shape the most important consideration? How long will we really have after the election before these godless secular laws are repealed ?
Have you heard of any other congregations, like Westboro, that have begun stockpiling as well?
Can you think of any other things that might go short after the election?

Here on the Isle of Sodd my flock and I have conducted actual tests on sinners. The island is largely made of stones, with some underlying rock, and thanks to God's Providence, bears the wholly misleading appearance of having been tectonised several times within the (impossible) span of 1.8 billion years. Consequently, we have a good range of potential projectiles.

The Stack of Sodd supplies black obsidian, which can be carefully flaked to yield shards which are both sharp and aerodynamically shaped. We use this on geologists. Few leave the island - many are quickly converted to Intelligent Design. For adulteresses, however, the high density and hardness of the Sodd's Law Dunite is preferable to lacerating impacts, as our undertaker, Dim Jamie MacAskew (a by-blow, it is maliciously said, of a MacAskew who changed his name and became a minister) becomes unduly sentimental when laying-out semi-flayed corpses for burial.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Offical Mayor's Proclamation
June 14, 2010

Whereas, stoning is admired and approved of in Bible as a method of maintaining justice and social order as cited in Laviticus 20: 2, 27, 24: 14, 16, 23, Numbers 14: 10, 15: 35, 36, Deuteronomy 13: 10. 17: 5, 21: 21, 22: 21, 24,

And, Whereas, today's court and justice system is doing nothing to correct the sinful behavior of our communities,

And, Whereas, the cost of incarceration is $100,000 US per year per inmate while stoning can be conducted with able volunteers,

And, Whereas, stoning is completely consistant with the concept of democratically elected government with it's parallel institution, citizen participation,

And, Whereas the City of Freehold and Landover Baptist Church wish to bring attention to this worthy, effective and holy method of administering just punishment,

BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED THAT I, JOHNY JOE HOLD, MAYOR, DO HEREBY PROCLAIM THE CITY OF FREEHOLD AS THE HOME FOR THE

FREEHOLD SUMMER STONING FESTIVAL

on July 17, 2010 and urge all citizens to take advantage of this opportunity to participate in stoning as well as other festive events in the City of Freehold, Iowa.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

Mayor JJ, If it is decided by the community that secular law be damned and the decision is made to actually stone unbelieving sinners during the festival a simple ''typo'' in your advertisements could attract plenty of targets. My thought would be to place the Ad in the San Fransisco Free Press and the typo would read FREEHOLD SUMMER STONERS FESTIVAL
which should attract many dope smoking, free love homersexuals, which will be in short supply as things now stand.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brothers and Sisters last night after my headache cleared up, I went on line to search for different rocks. I came across a rock call obsidian. It was formed a few thousand years ago with eruptions of volcanoes. It seems that the rocks are very sharp, like a razor sharp. I am heading out this afternoon for California, there is an entire mountain of the stuff.

[David Ben Ahzea]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Glory! The Lord has provided you with His chosen instrument of chastisement too. Did I mention that it is most efficacious against Papists?

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brothers and Sisters last night after my headache cleared up, I went on line to search for different rocks. I came across a rock call obsidian. It was formed a few thousand years ago with eruptions of volcanoes. It seems that the rocks are very sharp, like a razor sharp. I am heading out this afternoon for California, there is an entire mountain of the stuff.

A business opportunity-
This rock is the product of a volcano right. Iceland has just been ''blessed'' with said volcano.
If the Icelander eskimos haven't realized it they are sitting on a potential gold mine. If they don't understand this they might pay someone to pick up all those pesky rocks, payday both ends.
Unfortunately I do not have the capital at hand to start this up myself but I would expect to be paid, with a large pile of said stones, for my business plan.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

=Pastor Ezekiel;539809]Amen to all this Brothers. It seems that the Holy Ghost is preparing us for something big! Let's all pray over this.

I'd like to see a few of our creation scientists take on the task of improving stoning techniques. Bringing them into the 20th century, so to speak. There's nothing in the Good Book against that.

Praise Jesus. The stone age is coming!

I have never been the most athletic of individuals, and since my Ex-Gay© surgery complications, I just cannot get any kind of follow through with my stoning arm. I have been forced to use much lighter or smaller stones than the ones I used to be able to heave.

But after all, it is the thought that counts. I believe God understands that we all cannot have the raw power to cave in the skull of a real or effigaic sinner with a single throw.

Will we also be doing the less phyically demanding stack stonings? You all know the type that I am talking about, where a guilty sinner or the effigy thereof is placed under a board and stones are stacked on the board until the sinner is crushed? Those are certainly less action packed, but I believe they have a certain charm of their own as well.

Pastor Ezekiel and Professor Bessemer. The boys at the Creation Dept and I have designed something a little more up to date for the purpose of launching rocks. Our friends at the Creation dept, and the Research and Development lab at Landover University are finalizing the plans as we speak. Construction should begin late this afternoon, and hopefully a working prototype by Thursday morning. No cost was spared for this one fellas.
Professor this one was designed just for you. I know that your arm strength is some what diminished( As a result of surgery) and God wants you to be able to stone with the rest of us.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Professor this one was designed just for you. I know that your arm strength is some what diminished( As a result of surgery) and God wants you to be able to stone with the rest of us.

Wonderful news Brother James! I had wondered what all that activity was on campus. Were those loud thumps and booms from the testing process?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

A business opportunity-
This rock is the product of a volcano right. Iceland has just been ''blessed'' with said volcano.
If the Icelander eskimos haven't realized it they are sitting on a potential gold mine. If they don't understand this they might pay someone to pick up all those pesky rocks, payday both ends.
Unfortunately I do not have the capital at hand to start this up myself but I would expect to be paid, with a large pile of said stones, for my business plan.

Shout Glory, I am going to PM brother Alex on this one. Logistics might be a bit of a hassle, Iceland is in the middle of the ocean. I wonder if FMF( Brother Fee Market Fred) can help? If I am not mistaken Uranus corp. has ships. Brother Hutchins has trucking covered. I smell a gold mine, naturally a cut of the profits from sale of said rocks will be given directly to LBC or the Pastors. Do not worry, we will take care of you on the backside.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Wonderful news Brother James! I had wondered what all that activity was on campus. Were those loud thumps and booms from the testing process?

Well as a matter of fact they where. I can not go into details, I will just say this, you are going to get a bang out of it

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Pastor Ezekiel
I saw the Plastic Jesus business opportunity that Mayor JJ Hold reported on. I got to thinking about stones.
I have a idea. With the Stoning festival coming in a month. What would you think of say importing rocks from Mt. Sinai? I would think that all True Christians from all over the world would want to have actual stones from the very Mountain where Moses stood and God spoke to him. Could we market them as Holy Stones?

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Let's not forget that our lovely LOL's are making stoning buckets.
Put up your ideas on what kind of bucket you want: Camo is populair amongst True Christian™ males, so those are keepers. I wonder if the LOL's will try something new this year.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Sometimes I can't believe the people one encounters in life. Like this week.

Here we are in Freehold working hard to make the Freehold Summer Stoning Festival a success, and what do I get? Complaints.

Several so called "Christians" in and around Des Moines have been calling and saying things like, "What you are doing is barbaric! Stoning is not Christian! Jesus loved people, he didn't stone them....", blah blah blah.

To each one of them I say, "Read the Bible. Stoning is there." I mean, if they would spend their time learning what the Bible says about stoning, instead of calling me, they'd get somewhere in life.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Sometimes I can't believe the people one encounters in life. Like this week.

Here we are in Freehold working hard to make the Freehold Summer Stoning Festival a success, and what do I get? Complaints.

Several so called "Christians" in and around Des Moines have been calling and saying things like, "What you are doing is barbaric! Stoning is not Christian! Jesus loved people, he didn't stone them....", blah blah blah.

To each one of them I say, "Read the Bible. Stoning is there." I mean, if they would spend their time learning what the Bible says about stoning, instead of calling me, they'd get somewhere in life.

Deuteronomy 13:10 KJV1611 "And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God..."

Sounds like we ought to throw those false Christians in the mix, for trying to keep you from doing God's will.

[Forest Spirit]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

i don't know who you're planning to throw these stones at but if you hurt anyone i'm calling the police