[Justin Z]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brother Palmer I am sad to have to say this. As you know we must follow sickular law. It is unfortunate that we will not be able(this year) to actually stone someone. Brother Dirk and I are in heavy and heated prayer sessions for and answer. We have a few ideas and are waiting for Jesus to respond.

I have been working in close consort with the Creation Lab at Landover on just what kind of rocks we should use. Today I will begin testing in my back yard with river rocks ranging in size from a jumbo egg to that of a soft ball.

Last week I employed the three nigra boys of Lamont Niggleston ( the nigra fella that works at the truck stop) to look for river rocks. I paid the fools little fellas five shinny brand new silver dollars. So far they have collected 1800lbs of stones from the rivers and streams around Freehold.
Over the next few days and weeks Brother Dirk and I will test others.

Brother Hutchins I think I will need your trucking firms help. We are going to need a lot of stones. I also would like to build my personal rock pile to around 150 to 200 tons. YIC James Dewitt, True Christian™

I am sure we could use a homosexual. No one likes them. I am sure people would turn a blind eye to that law if they new just another homo was being used. Who doesn't like throwing rocks at them?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I am sure we could use a homosexual. No one likes them. I am sure people would turn a blind eye to that law if they new just another homo was being used. Who doesn't like throwing rocks at them?

Brother Justin, I do understand you heart felt desire to obey they strict commands of God. God also commands us to follow sickurlaw. That is why it is so very important that the White House and our nation be ran by a Christian. The following scripture show us some of who we can stone. The festival serves two purposes,1 to get your throwing skills honed to a razor sharp level. 2 to show the rest of the nation what they should be doing. 2012 is just around the corner.

Leviticus 20:2 Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Leviticus 20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Leviticus 24:14 Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.

Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the LORD, shall be put to death.

Leviticus 24:23 And Moses spake to the children of Israel, that they should bring forth him that had cursed out of the camp, and stone him with stones. And the children of Israel did as the LORD commanded Moses.

Numbers 14:10 But all the congregation bade stone them with stones. And the glory of the LORD appeared in the tabernacle of the congregation before all the children of Israel.

Numbers 15:35 And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.
Numbers 15:36 And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Deuteronomy 13:10 And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

Deuteronomy 17:5 Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die.

Deuteronomy 21:21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Deuteronomy 22:21 Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

Deuteronomy 22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

Start collecting your stones today, a stone that is not collected is a terrible thing to waste.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Saturday July 17th is the date that has been set so far. I would like to ask you True Christians™ is you are able to make it. The event starts at 11 AM, because at 10AM we start with a sermon by Pastor Ezekiel and words from Rev. Jim Osborne. After that: It's party time!

But I don't arrive in America until the 18th!! Even though I arrive 20 minutes prior to leaving Australia, (crossing the dateline) I will still be a day late!

Oh Gosh, please tell me that it is a several day event!

YIC

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

To Miss Charli. I am not in Sydney any more. I have relocated to satan's paradise in QLD. There is much sin to tackle here and getting those skanky harlot metermaids off the streets was just a first step.

I was in Sydney though at Mardi Gras time and had Tea and biscuits with Rev. Fred Nile. He is such a lovely fellow, even if a little open minded in his views.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

But I don't arrive in America until the 18th!! Even though I arrive 20 minutes prior to leaving Australia, (crossing the dateline) I will still be a day late!

Oh Gosh, please tell me that it is a several day event!

YIC

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

Are your tickets refundable? If not PM me and I will purchase new tickets for you, my treat first class naturally. It is an event that you can not miss. YIC James

[Sister Charli]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

To Miss Charli. I am not in Sydney any more. I have relocated to satan's paradise in QLD. There is much sin to tackle here and getting those skanky harlot metermaids off the streets was just a first step.

I was in Sydney though at Mardi Gras time and had Tea and biscuits with Rev. Fred Nile. He is such a lovely fellow, even if a little open minded in his views.

God Bless Fred Nile!

Mrs Wintersnow. Please advise if there is to be a meter maid stoning on the sinful gold coast.

We would love to join you. Tho Daddy is undecided as to whether we should fly Virgin or QuaintArse.

He says they are both owned by Lucifer!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Does anyone know if I will be able to park my RV In any of the Church Mega-Parking lots? As usual I would be willing to offer a donation above and beyond my normal tithe.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I've just gotten wind of the fact that you guys are planning to have effigies of "Count Chocula" as part of the festivities for the kids. I'd like to warn you off that one. He's a terrifying demon and we don't need Christian kids wetting their pants in the middle of the fun.

Ronald McDonald, Mario and Harry Potter are fine.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Remember, ladies, that if you usually carry a few spare stones in your purse (as I do), it's important to alternate which hand you carry it in. The weight of the stones can cause a shoulder to droop, or worse...built up one arm bigger than the other

This is no joke.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I have been collecting stones for a long time. More so these days now that those enormous baggy 'cargo' pants are so popular. I insist the field workers fill their pockets with stones from the fields each day. I sit on the front porch in the shade with the fan going, drinking my Jack Daniels as each worker walks past. I have them toss the contents of their pockets into the bucket of the front end loader, leaving only when all the pockets are turned inside out and all body cavities have been searched. We have a small mountain of stones collected so far. Interspersed is the occasional family picture or false teeth. Not much of value as the little Hutchins ragamuffins go burrowing for things of value.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brothers and Sisters, today I tested the common river wash stone, smooth in texture and round in shape. The size ran from that of a jumbo egg to that of a soft ball.
At first i threw at a target on a oak tree, after many attempts I realized that unless I hit the target perfectly square my stones flew to either side. I then went to the Freehold sporting goods store in-search of better equipment. I saw a single person trampoline on sale it was flat so hey what the heck, I thought that I would give it a try. My thought was at least I am hitting somewhat of a flat target, and the stones would bounce back to me.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sling and the story of David and Goliath came to mind. I purchased said sling. I returned to my estate with trampoline and sling in hand. I set up the trampoline with a bulls eye target attached to it. My first few hand thrown stones where dead on target and bounced back a few feet. I then put a fist sized rock into said sling, and rotated it above my head for several rotations, I released said rock towards target. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the ground, several minutes had elapsed and I had a goose egg on my forehead . I will now consult with the Creation Dept as to the actual usage of a sling. If you hit a sinner with a rock from said sling it will knock him/ her out and defeat the purpose of stoning. It is my understanding ( from a mooslim ) that the person being stoned should not pass out from pain more than a few minutes prior to death, other wise it is considered a mercy stoning.
1 Samuel 17

And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came, and drew nigh to meet David, that David hastened, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine. And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.

Brothers and Sisters I am not sure how long that I can stay on- line and communicate with you, right now I am suffering from a splitting headache. Pray for me!

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Remember, ladies, that if you usually carry a few spare stones in your purse (as I do), it's important to alternate which hand you carry it in. The weight of the stones can cause a shoulder to droop, or worse...built up one arm bigger than the other

This is no joke.

What a great tip Sister and certainly something we ladies must recognize! Posture is of the utmost importance as it is quite difficult to look up to Heaven to Praise Jesus, when a lady is a "slouchy Sue"!

I have also found that my stoning bucket's handle can be a little torturous on my hands and one day they were a tad calloused. It did nothing to help my pastry kneading, let alone crust crimping, and it even hurt to put my hands together in prayer! Then one day I had an epiphany! Why not carry the stones in one of those trendy totebags that seem to be all the rage these days. They carry a lot of stones and the cotton handles are far less abrasive. So I made a few. If you would like one or two yourself, I would be more than happy to whip a couple up just for you.



Brothers, will there be a tent or two set up by chance? If so, who will be doing the adorning? Reading through Exodus 25 - 28 last night made me think to ask. Gee, God is so fab-u-lous! He leaves nothing to chance, even when it comes to decor! The fact He dedicated 4 entire chapters to tent decoration, speaks volumes!

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I've just gotten wind of the fact that you guys are planning to have effigies of "Count Chocula" as part of the festivities for the kids. I'd like to warn you off that one. He's a terrifying demon and we don't need Christian kids wetting their pants in the middle of the fun.

Ronald McDonald, Mario and Harry Potter are fine.

Pastor I have given this a lot of thought. I propose that a pinata be made( A Messican paper doll) of Braaaak Housens Osamba. I will have it filled with candy and scriptures that promote stoning. The little tykes can throw golf balls at it until it burst. Can you just picture the joy on their faces when the Word of God and candy come tumbling out?
I have a picture of the devilcrat, I hope that it is not to shocking for the young ones. Let me know if it is acceptable, I need to give the work order to my beaner maidservant Rosa.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Pastor I have given this a lot of thought. I propose that a pinata be made( A Messican paper doll) of Braaaak Housens Osamba. I will have it filled with candy and scriptures that promote stoning. The little tykes can throw golf balls at it until it burst. Can you just picture the joy on their faces when the Word of God and candy come tumbling out?
I have a picture of the devilcrat, I hope that it is not to shocking for the young ones. Let me know if it is acceptable, I need to give the work order to my beaner maidservant Rosa.

Won't the candy fall through those rather large nostrils?

[Nobar King]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

The candy is a good idea. It might be more appealing to the younger crowd than a sack of blood.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I have never been the most athletic of individuals, and since my Ex-Gay© surgery complications, I just cannot get any kind of follow through with my stoning arm. I have been forced to use much lighter or smaller stones than the ones I used to be able to heave.

But after all, it is the thought that counts. I believe God understands that we all cannot have the raw power to cave in the skull of a real or effigaic sinner with a single throw.

Will we also be doing the less phyically demanding stack stonings? You all know the type that I am talking about, where a guilty sinner or the effigy thereof is placed under a board and stones are stacked on the board until the sinner is crushed? Those are certainly less action packed, but I believe they have a certain charm of their own as well.