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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Why did Jesus cross the road?
He was nailed to a chicken.
Why did Jesus cross the road?
He was nailed to a chicken.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Hardy har! whatever...Originally posted by PrinceOfTyrus View Post
Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you
If the Lord leads you to it, he will get you through it.
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask Nigra Humping Armenian?Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
PrinceOfTyrus Awsome joke post more
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight, and tomorrow Jesus will make your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!" The mom answers, "I know - April Fools!"Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Some of these are funny, but others...Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Well thanks for wasting your very first post by sharing your unsaved opinion with us.Originally posted by Orion41 View Post
Please proceed to the "introductions" thread and make yourself known to us.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and as I approached, there in the windows were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed ... "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." And sure enough,
on the eighth time around the block , there it was!
Jesus is watching you masturbate.
Nunquam concumbo dutch puellus intra clunis.
numquam futuis, puer Batavica ad te asinus praesepeComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back sleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted...........Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Hahahahaha good ONE, Sister Thumper!
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
This one may be a little too raunchy for our True Christian(tm) ladies.
The Ancient Copper Plaque
A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a hammered copper plaque. They cleaned and polished it and found it contained the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman - A donkey - A shovel - A fish - and the Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They had the plaque brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The president of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said "This looks like a woman. We can judge that the race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence was in the fish, which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room. He said: "Idiots! Hebrews read from right to left. It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Woman!A wise man’s heart inclines him to the right, but a fool’s heart to the left. (Ecclesiastes 10:2)Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
How was breakdancing invented? Blacks trying to steal hub caps from moving cars!I've found Jesus, he was behind the couch the whole time!
God bless meComment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
Friend, we don't tolerate racism around here. Clean up your language.Originally posted by Obey View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
I don't understand.Originally posted by Obey View Post
Of course freedom isn't free. If freedom WAS free, it wouldn't be called freedom, it would be called freefreedom or something.
A better quote would be "Freedom isn't free, but I bet it's 10% closer to free at Wal-Mart".Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes
A Catholic, a Jew, and an Episcopalian were lined up at the pearly gates.
The Catholic asks to get in and St. Peter says, "Nope, sorry." "Why not?"
says the Catholic, "I've been good." "Well, you ate meat on a Friday in
Lent, so I can't let you in." The Jew walks up and again St. Peter says
no. The Jew wants an explanation so St. Peter replies, "There was that
time you ate pork...sorry, you have to go to the other place." Then the
Episcopalian goes up and asks to be let in and St. Peter again says
no. "Why not?" asks the Episcopalian, "What did I do wrong?" "Well,"
says St. Peter, "you once ate your entree with the salad fork."ACTS 5:29
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
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