[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven.

God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force."

The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."

The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, he's moving!"

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!

The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.

"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked.

The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.

The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat is really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I have him tied to a big, old cinder block."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.
*Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
They want to.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In
Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates
from medical school.


Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
A: It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! .

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

A man called his mother in Florida , "Mom, how are you?" "
Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. "
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? "
The mother answered, "Because; I didn't want my mouth to be
filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he
has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband. " The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."


Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
ASigh) "Don't ! bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody ."


Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother
on the street and said, "Lady I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

Q : What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q: Why are Jewish Men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)There are 10 command ments, not 1 2.
3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6)We do not refer to Jesus Chris t as the late J.C.
7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8)David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it20for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[NeverSaved]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I have recently lost everything I own and as i am typing this to you I am at a library i need help and i have no one to go to can God help me? please i need someone cry too I am desperate

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I have recently lost everything I own and as i am typing this to you I am at a library i need help and i have no one to go to can God help me? please i need someone cry too I am desperate

That wasn't very funny. Get to the punchline.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I have recently lost everything I own and as i am typing this to you I am at a library i need help and i have no one to go to can God help me? please i need someone cry too I am desperate

Let me guess, your day job was as a stand-up comedian and you were shocked to get a pink slip?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I have recently lost everything I own and as i am typing this to you I am at a library i need help and i have no one to go to can God help me? please i need someone cry too I am desperate

The good news is that Jesus said that a rich man would have difficulty entering the Kingdom of Heaven. Your chances have just improved.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

[NeverSaved]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

No i was just seeing if i would get that hot chick sympathy

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

No i was just seeing if i would get that hot chick sympathy

You will get plenty of sympathy in HELL.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast





Jewish Olympic Swimmer



Cute Church Signs







The Woodpecker Might have to go!



May your troubles be less,
may your blessings be more,
and may nothing but happiness come through your door

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A priest books into a motel.

He says to the receptionist "I trust that the porn channel in my room is disabled"?

The receptionist replies "No, it's just normal porn you sick pervert"!


(Typical Catlick! )

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” As he continued his putt.

That's a knee-slapper.