My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

[Isaiah Worthington]

Well, my son of 12 somehow got a hold of some rock and roll music, and is now inspired by the devil to play it himself! He asked for an electric guitar, and I need some advice.

[Levi Jones]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Say no?

It's sounds easy enough to me.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Well, my son of 12 somehow got a hold of some rock and roll music, and is now inspired by the devil to play it himself! He asked for an electric guitar, and I need some advice.

Our Lord and creator has given him an urge to develop a talent, who are you to stand in the way?

[Isaiah Worthington]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Well, I figured that much, but how do I get him off of the devils work (AKA, Rock and roll)? He seems to be really into it.

[Bob4God]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Nothing played on an electric guitar is suitable music for Christians. End of argument.

I recommend getting the boy to start practicing old-time church hymns on an old, upright piano that you can find in the backrooms of so many churches.

After five or six years, if he's progressing, you can buy him one of those electronic keyboards, but only if they don't have any rock and roll sounds on them.

[James Hutchins]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Clean his ears out with boiling oil. Get that sordid rock music out of his head.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Nothing played on an electric guitar is suitable music for Christians. End of argument.

This Reverend would take issue with that

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Well, my son of 12 somehow got a hold of some rock and roll music, and is now inspired by the devil to play it himself! He asked for an electric guitar, and I need some advice.

A simple compromise is the answer.

Buy him an acoustic guitar. If he is going to learn to write songs about his faith in Christ he needs to learn to play an instrument.

We Catholics have had great success in encouraging teenagers and even preteens to take up an instrument and contribute to one of Catholicisms finer achievements... Western Music as we all know and love it.

If not for we Catholics, everyone might still be singing ancient tribal chants and banging rocks together.

Trust me when I tell you the best thing you can do is get that boy an acoustic guitar and involve him in some decent worship music. If, by chance, your place of worship does not offer such a programme, we Catholics are always looking for people who want to worship Jesus as He wanted.

You, your wife and your children would be welcome at any of our countless locations.




Bless you, my future wafer muncher,
Father Mo




.

[barton]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Well, my son of 12 somehow got a hold of some rock and roll music, and is now inspired by the devil to play it himself! He asked for an electric guitar, and I need some advice.

I wasn't going to mention this here but it may help your son. I have some personal experience with this. I played guitar for many years, winning souls for Satan across North America, as a member of a very well-regarded crust punk group. (It all ended 7 years ago in Hawaii, when I woke up to God in my hotel room.)

Anyway, your son is easily attracted to the guitar. He's just coming into his own sexuality and the guitar, the electric guitar especially, is a very powerful phallic symbol. I stroked mine to the very heights of throbbing musical delectation in front of screaming fans for many years. The Great Tempter Satan likely has an easy job here with your son, without your God-inspired intervention that is.

If he gets his hands on a guitar, it will be no time before he falls into that hopeless pit of loose women, vile drugs and ultra-neo-hippy idealism. (Bono, anyone?) He will have young Jezebels throwing themselves at him, hoping to suck every last bit of life out of him. The drugs will addle his brains so much that vegetarianism won't be enough. Your vegan son will soon be driving to the commune in a Prius, if you don't nip this in the bud now.

Perhaps you can deflect his interest in music towards something more suitable for a young man of God, as others have suggested. Please don't compromise and get an acoustic guitar, though. That will accomplish the same as above except your son will be lusting after strapping young men. The acoustic guitar is a fag instrument.

The piano is a fine instrument. However, I'm leaning to simple vocal lessons. A real man can appreciate music and a big, powerful man of God can fill a room with his deep voice, lifted up in praise to the Lord. Only a sissy would pursue learning an instrument over taking up some sort of trade such as carpentry. I'm sure you don't aim to raise a sissy fag.

I pray this helps. I'd be a different man today if someone had warned me off the guitar and the perils it led to.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

This Reverend would take issue with that

absolutely shocking! (and that is a resonator guitar) - something like this would be much more appropriate.

[Johannes Kirkeholm]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Well, my son of 12 somehow got a hold of some rock and roll music, and is now inspired by the devil to play it himself! He asked for an electric guitar, and I need some advice.

If you truly love your son and want what is best for him I think you should beat him with a rod:

Proverbs 13:24
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes

And whatever you do don't go into some cathlick church and start worshipping Mary as Maurice Lester recommends. That will make God very angry:

Leviticus 19:4
Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the LORD your God

[Wide-Open]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Buy him an acoustic guitar. If he is going to learn to write songs about his faith in Christ he needs to learn to play an instrument.

Mister Lester, it is totally and utterly clear that you are not familiar with stringed instruments. An acoustic guitar is a gateway to hell.

Sure, in the beginning, it will all look innocent. Given heavy gauge strings, the lad will have bleeding fingers before he knows it, so at least he'll learn something about pain.

But then it begins. First, he'll want a black leather studded strap on.

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Next, he'll start yearning for pickups and monster cables.

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Obviously, with that pickup he'll need an amplifier, and we all know they have ghastly ungodly names. (like EVIL TWIN )

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Next thing you know, as Mr. Barton points out, he'll be singing "What if God was one of us" for an audience of spotty teenagers.

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In short: just say no!

I hope this has broadened your insight in these matters.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

And whatever you do don't go into some cathlick church and start worshipping Mary as getting acoustic guitar lessons from Maurice Lester recommends which is what he really means, of course. That will make God very angry:

Leviticus 19:4
Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the LORD your God

reading between the lines of an earlier papist post..

[LordHaveMercy]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

Clearly it's time to break out the rod (I recommend a 3/4" diameter pine rod, as they replace easily if accidentally broken across your child), and warm up that beating arm! Wouldn't want to pull a muscle or anything, if you haven't beaten him in a while.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: My son asked for a guitar today! Need help

… … spotty teenagers.

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is that a man or a woman

(I would be happy to offer lessons on the organ, if your son is interested in switching from the guitar?)