What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

[Witch Hammer]

In my experience, nothing says "I love you, Jesus" like the gift of cold, hard cash. That's why I'll be dipping into the children's Bible College Fund again this year and sending Jesus a True Christmas (TM) gift that is sure to please...$15,000 American, shipped to Him via USPS Express Mail, c/o Landover Baptist Church.

I'd also like to send Him the fruitcake I received from my mother-in-law last year, but I'm sure that would land me in hellfire!

I know Jesus' Birthday is still a few months off, but it's never too early to start raising money for Christ's Special Day, so put in that overtime! Start burning the midnight oil! Don't insult Jesus by sending Him a gift worth less than $5,000...this is not the time of year to be miserly!

Anyway, that's just what I'm getting Him for Christmas. How will you show Jesus your gratitude this Holiday Season?

[lilith]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

In my experience, nothing says "I love you, Jesus" like the gift of cold, hard cash. That's why I'll be dipping into the children's Bible College Fund again this year and sending Jesus a True Christmas (TM) gift that is sure to please...$15,000 American, shipped to Him via USPS Express Mail, c/o Landover Baptist Church.

I'd also like to send Him the fruitcake I received from my mother-in-law last year, but I'm sure that would land me in hellfire!

I know Jesus' Birthday is still a few months off, but it's never too early to start raising money for Christ's Special Day, so put in that overtime! Start burning the midnight oil! Don't insult Jesus by sending Him a gift worth less than $5,000...this is not the time of year to be miserly!

Anyway, that's just what I'm getting Him for Christmas. How will you show Jesus your gratitude this Holiday Season?

"What will I be buying baby JC for his birthday?"

Disposable nappies?

[Talitha]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Well, Brother Hammer, I have to agrre with you, there's nothing more Baby Jesus© likes than good old Ca$h.
For my own part, just as every previous year I'll be dropping off at Pastor P's House to deliver a big bag of hard-earned which I know will go straight to The Lord©.
I don't like odd-numbers so I reckon a cool $100k should bring a smile to Baby Jesus©

Praise The Lord™

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

I know our Lord Jesus Christ has plenty of guns. But Remington is making a very special Model 1885 this year, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the .30/06 round.

Now, I hope everyone takes note, because if anyone else copies Mother Glynndie's gift idea, I will send store bought fruitcakes (that make Witch Hammer's look real tasty) to all of you!

[Rain]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

In my experience, nothing says "I love you, Jesus" like the gift of cold, hard cash.
I know Jesus' Birthday is still a few months off, but it's never too early to start raising money for Christ's Special Day, so put in that overtime! Start burning the midnight oil! Don't insult Jesus by sending Him a gift worth less than $5,000...this is not the time of year to be miserly!

What a brillant suggestion Brother Hammer, I shall be saving up at once to donate Him a lovely gift to His chosen Church, LBC. It could take a while to raise enough money worthy enough for Him, but we all know that it's worth every little penny!!

~Rain

[Enobarbus]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

In my experience, nothing says "I love you, Jesus" like the gift of cold, hard cash. That's why I'll be dipping into the children's Bible College Fund again this year and sending Jesus a True Christmas (TM) gift that is sure to please...$15,000 American, shipped to Him via USPS Express Mail, c/o Landover Baptist Church.

I'd also like to send Him the fruitcake I received from my mother-in-law last year, but I'm sure that would land me in hellfire!

I know Jesus' Birthday is still a few months off, but it's never too early to start raising money for Christ's Special Day, so put in that overtime! Start burning the midnight oil! Don't insult Jesus by sending Him a gift worth less than $5,000...this is not the time of year to be miserly!

Anyway, that's just what I'm getting Him for Christmas. How will you show Jesus your gratitude this Holiday Season?

God Bless you Good Brother Hammer, God Bless you! You are a truely Good Christian™ man.

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

"What will I be buying baby JC for his birthday?"

Disposable nappies?

I suggest you sell your organs on the black market - your liver and kidneys will thank you for it; and so will the LORD, when you donate the proceeds from the sale to His favourite church.

I am happy to oversee the transaction, for a fee of $5100 (Happy Birthday, dear, sweet Jesus!) - which only the amount you'd spend in a month on booze anyway, so you'll agree it's quite a bargain I'm offering you here, Lilith.

[SUV]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Strawberry-scented shower gel and a new loofah sponge

[EPluribusUnum (On Moderation)]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

I know our Lord Jesus Christ has plenty of guns. But Remington is making a very special Model 1885 this year, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the .30/06 round.

Now, I hope everyone takes note, because if anyone else copies Mother Glynndie's gift idea, I will send store bought fruitcakes (that make Witch Hammer's look real tasty) to all of you!

How about a SIG or HK instead? The German-made stuff tends to be higher in quality and innovation. US firearms are so behind the times.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

How about a SIG or HK instead? The German-made stuff tends to be higher in quality and innovation. US firearms are so behind the times.

Friend, this is a forum for decent, freedom-loving Christians to talk about matters related to America and Jesus. By all means feel free to carry on spouting off about your admiration for totalitarianism, but don't expect much sympathy from our Godly members.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

How about a SIG or HK instead? The German-made stuff tends to be higher in quality and innovation. US firearms are so behind the times.

Listen you nazi dog, I am assigning you additional warning points for dissing God's personal weapons maker; Smith and Wesson. How DARE you even imply that American hardware might be inferior to the 3rd rate toy pistols glued together by eurotrash inbreds?

And stop posting that latin gibberish on God's forum. He hates mary-worshippers deeply.

[EPluribusUnum (On Moderation)]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Listen you nazi dog, I am assigning you additional warning points for dissing God's personal weapons maker; Smith and Wesson. How DARE you even imply that American hardware might be inferior to the 3rd rate toy pistols glued together by eurotrash inbreds?

And stop posting that latin gibberish on God's forum. He hates mary-worshippers deeply.

Sorry for implying that. I suppose I need to state it more explicitly. Let's take military firearms for example:

The WWII-era MG42 was one of the best machine guns ever and is still in use with many first-world countries.

The WWII-era MP43/StG44 are generally accepted as the world's first assault rifles.

The modern H&K MP5 series has been the choice of the world's special forces units for many years now.

The H&K G36 series has extremely high reliability and low carbon buildup, along with a dual-optics system using a red dot sight for close range and a 3x telescopic sight for longer ranges.

The H&K PSG-1 is the world's most accurate factory semi-automatic sniping rifle, reaching 1/2 MOA accuracy. This is incredible for a semi-auto.

The experimental H&K G11 was the first ever caseless rifle and had a cyclic rate of 2000 rpm on three-round burst setting. All three of the rounds had left the barrel before recoil affected the gun's position, resulting in unheard-of three round burst accuracy.

The H&K Mk. 23 is in use by our own special forces as an extremely accurate and powerful handgun that can be fitted with an effective suppressor.

The list goes on and on, and don't even get me started on the Swiss firearms.

Compare that to the US military's armament.

Our main combat rifle is the M16A2 [in some cases the A3 and A4], with the carbine variant being the M4 or M4A1. These all use the Ljungmann gas system which promotes excessive carbon buildup, causing reliability problems.

Our current squad-level machine gun is the M249 SAW. This is a fine weapon, designed by Fabrique Nationale of Belgium.

Our medium/general purpose machine gun is the M240, also by FN. This replaced the US-designed M60 series, which was plagued by problems.

Our handgun is the M92FS, by Beretta of Italy.

Our submachine guns, when we use them, are either the aforementioned MP5 of HK, or the Colt M635, which has the same problems as the M16 series.

[Marshall]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Your lust for foriegn weapons is suspicious.

The Godly Browning M2 is clearly the finest firearm ever made.
American and completely sanctioned and approved by Jesus personally.

The MG42 was a fine weapon if you had spare barrels and enough ammo to use it since the RPM rate was ridiculous at best and the accuracy was laughable. It was designed to hose things down with inferior German bullets. The worthy 1919 Browning was ten times the machinegun the MG42 was and it still is.

The MP44 was underpowered and inaccurate while the Godly Thompson was a real weapon made from quality steel and used a powerful round that sent more than ten billion Nazis to Hell during it's time as a military staple. Even the ugly M3 was better than the Mp44 because it actually used a real bullet unlike the German lead spitter.

The MP5 is a great weapon true. But the S&W 76 is also a great weapon and doesn't cost $10,000 apiece. The firing pins don't break and the bolt isn't an origami nightmare to reassemble.

G36 is German and therefore unworthy of Jesus. The M14 is a much better and much easier weapon to care for and operate.

PSG is fine for shooting paper targets but an American Barrett M82 or a Remington 700 based rifle is what is required to pop enemy heads like water balloons.

Caseless ammo is unAmerican. Just like Hybrid cars are.

The Mk 23 is a rare exception to the typical garbage Europe spits out. It's solid and reliable and uses Jesus favorite bullet. It also has horrible ergonomics and the magazine release can be activated upon drawing from a holster. The decocker also snaps back and wears on your thumb after a few times. Not good, the 1911 is a far better option in every respect. With the double stack capabilities pioneered by Para-Ordnance nothing can be better.

The Swiss should stick to watches and stay out of military concerns. What with their stalward refusal to actually use their weapons no wonder they look so good. Looks don't win wars though so give me the good ol US of A.

The latest versions of the M16 handle the past problems and what they don't fix, the M14 and AR10 series rifles do fix. I have never been a fan of the 5.56 preferring the Godly 7.62(.308) instead but given the troops have no choice, one should support them by not posting on their weapons shortcomings you terrorist lover.

The SAW is awsome and effective in showing Muslims their dirty brains.

The M240 should be a 1919A4 Browning. They should have never retired that weapon.

The current Italian/sinner-made US military handgun is being considered for retirement due mostly to troop complaints that the wimpy 9mm bullets fail to properly dispose of soft targets like the Godly .45 does. The 1911 is being reconsidered and thankfully so since the Italians are all Hell fodder and unworthy of Jesus love. Just like the Germans.


Lest you forget the Mighty GAU series and the amazing Minigun are both American and are documented as being awsome on the battlefield. Try tooting Jesus Christs/Americas horn instead of the Godless German eurotrash Liberals next time.

[EPluribusUnum (On Moderation)]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Your lust for foriegn weapons is suspicious.

The Godly Browning M2 is clearly the finest firearm ever made.
American and completely sanctioned and approved by Jesus personally.

Ah, but you can't exactly arm every soldier with a heavy MG. And if you could, you'd do it with a Russian 14.5mm like the KPV, not a .50.

http://www.hkpro.com/video/g11-1-128.mpg

Have a look at that to see a truly brilliant rifle design.

[Marshall]

Re: What Will YOU Be Buying Baby Jesus For HIS Birthday?

Pitiful sinner,
the Russians make weapons like they make tractors. No class. There is something to be said about a nation that was Communist and that is that they cannot be trusted.

The M2 has served in several wars in all conditions including being the guns in American fighters during WWII. They are reliable, easy to maintain and operate and they absolutely kill everything they shoot be it soft or material. The rounds are accurate to well over a mile and can kill up to three miles. No Russian tractor plant can make a better MG. Ask Audie Murphy about the M2.
The only thing the Russians ever did weapons-wise that is worthy of mention is the AK series. Very solid and reliable. The recoil is excessive and they tend to rattle apart and rust, but they still work and that is admirable. Too bad nothing the Ruskies do can save them from damnation.

Your link appears to be a black 2x4 being used as a rifle. Innovative is a hallmark of the Germans yet I still prefer Christs favorite country when it comes to arming myself against those that worship the Darkness.