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We are right about Jesus and it is YOU the doubters, the scoffers, the mockers of Christ who are going to burn in the Hell of your self-important pomposity and in Satans everlasting Hellfire when you die.
NOT US. We are Saved™.
Eternal DAMNATION is your just reward for the unrighteous indignation that you visit upon our church which is a triumph of True Christianity™. You will all go to HELL for insulting Jesus.
NOT US. We are Saved™.
The Athiens, the Papist Idolators, the Presbos, the Pentacursed heathens who alledge to love and honor the Lord Jesus Christ yet commit sinful tomfoolery while visiting His online glory. You are all cursed to the pit. You are certainly NOT followers of theWord and that is why we rebuke you in the name of the Hung Christ. You are all unworthy of His love and He will surely cast ye aside if you don't pull a 360 and start obeying the Bible as He commands.
NOT US. We are Saved™
Won't you end this cycle of DAMNATION and BRIMSTONE laden horror that you call your life? Contact one of our Jesus approved Pastors today to find out how YOU, a lowly maggot, can make Jesus smile and become Saved™ as we have.
Our dedicated staff needs to live in this mortal world and that means tithing.
A tithe is when you give to the Lords church so that we may continue to spread His teachings as He commanded us to do. With style and Grace far beyond the typical namby-pamby Christian, we promise to leave no hippy unfellowshipped, no Liberal unrebuked and no sin left unpunished. Jesus died temporarily for your sins, don't you think helping to pay His rent is the least you could do you ungrateful sinners? Praise Jesus!
Have your credit card ready and sign your kids up for our Kristians Kids Korner online Sunday school classes where Jesus comes before everything else.
You can also obtain one of our Glory guaranteeing prayers for a modest love offering to the Landover Baptist Foriegn Ministry fund that provides much needed supplies and ammo to our many offshore interests.
Donate now to our Ex-Negro Ministry where Satan always sits in the back of the bus. It is also 100% guaranteed to turn even the blackest of Bucks into decent Christians eventually. All these services and more are available to the True Christian™ when they become Saved™ by tithing to Landover.
The answer to all lifes questions can be found in the King James Bible. The only Bible that is officially sponsored and personally approved by Jesus Himself.
Give and ye shall receive. Otherwise you are going to burn in Hell.
Hope that helps to Save™ at least one of you,
M-
NOT US. We are Saved™.
Eternal DAMNATION is your just reward for the unrighteous indignation that you visit upon our church which is a triumph of True Christianity™. You will all go to HELL for insulting Jesus.
NOT US. We are Saved™.
The Athiens, the Papist Idolators, the Presbos, the Pentacursed heathens who alledge to love and honor the Lord Jesus Christ yet commit sinful tomfoolery while visiting His online glory. You are all cursed to the pit. You are certainly NOT followers of theWord and that is why we rebuke you in the name of the Hung Christ. You are all unworthy of His love and He will surely cast ye aside if you don't pull a 360 and start obeying the Bible as He commands.
NOT US. We are Saved™
Won't you end this cycle of DAMNATION and BRIMSTONE laden horror that you call your life? Contact one of our Jesus approved Pastors today to find out how YOU, a lowly maggot, can make Jesus smile and become Saved™ as we have.
Our dedicated staff needs to live in this mortal world and that means tithing.
A tithe is when you give to the Lords church so that we may continue to spread His teachings as He commanded us to do. With style and Grace far beyond the typical namby-pamby Christian, we promise to leave no hippy unfellowshipped, no Liberal unrebuked and no sin left unpunished. Jesus died temporarily for your sins, don't you think helping to pay His rent is the least you could do you ungrateful sinners? Praise Jesus!
Have your credit card ready and sign your kids up for our Kristians Kids Korner online Sunday school classes where Jesus comes before everything else.
You can also obtain one of our Glory guaranteeing prayers for a modest love offering to the Landover Baptist Foriegn Ministry fund that provides much needed supplies and ammo to our many offshore interests.
Donate now to our Ex-Negro Ministry where Satan always sits in the back of the bus. It is also 100% guaranteed to turn even the blackest of Bucks into decent Christians eventually. All these services and more are available to the True Christian™ when they become Saved™ by tithing to Landover.
The answer to all lifes questions can be found in the King James Bible. The only Bible that is officially sponsored and personally approved by Jesus Himself.
Give and ye shall receive. Otherwise you are going to burn in Hell.
Hope that helps to Save™ at least one of you,
M-
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