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  • Cursed
    Recovering Bastard
    Head of Landover Glee Club
    True Christian™
    • Jan 2011
    • 1363

    #1

    Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

    Dear Gentle Reader,

    Let this be a warning to you all! You can't always judge a book by its cover (John 7:24).

    I know this better than most of you. Though I am a True Christian, unlike most of my brethren here at Landover Baptist I am homely and misshapen. Many who see me think I am the assistant of a scientist or perhaps a henchman of some kind; they are always pleasantly surprised to discover I am a True Christian man beyond reproach! I make a point to be kind to them afterwards even if they treated me like garbage because I am not mean like they are and I don't like to hurt people's feelings.

    As I am white and pure as driven snow on the inside and dark, ugly, and twisted on the outside, the top celebrity couple on earth are the exact opposite! They may be able to pull in a million dollars for strutting across a room, standing on their mark, and yapping a line from cue cards, but that won't get them into Heaven! Ha ha I'll be beautiful in Heaven while they're burning and gross and screaming in Hell with their whole family ha ha ha Praise God!

    Because they're the most powerful and rich couple in the world, they are idolized by millions of stupid idiots, who are unwittingly breaking one of the Ten Commandments and dooming themselves to Hell forever! These delusional dummies insist these filthy rich degenerate movie stars are good people because of their charity work.

    No, you fools! That's the lie, don't you know Satan is the Father of Lies (John 8:44)?

    * * *


    "Ha! I made $10 million dollars in the last minute and you're ecstatic because I gave you a bag of rice and a pair of flip flops! You dumb savages, this is a write off for me!"


    Here Ms. Jolie selects her new housekeeper contestants. Rumor has it they are then paired off to fight in a pit for her amusement; the winner gets to be her slave!


    At least six of the people in this photo are now dead. That's what you get for taking money from evil, you must always pay in blood!

    * * *

    Please don't believe their public relations disinformation machine! So what if she's the big fancy-pants super ambassador for world peace? Why should we be at peace with a bunch of buddhists and muslims, anyway? We should be killing them, not sending peace ambassadors! What did we make all of these nukes for if we aren't going to do GOD's work with them (Deuteronomy 33:27)?

    How do I know Brangelina are hell bound? If you're asking that question, that proves that you are a big dummy who doesn't read their Bible!

    But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man~1 Corinthians 2:15

    I am a True Christian and a spiritual man, so not only do I have the authority to judgeth all things, I cannot be judged! Praise God, Hallelujah! But I'll explain it to you, even though I don't have to because I speak with the authority of a True Christian.

    First, they aren't married and are living in sin. Obviously a hell-bound whore and whoremonger (1 Timothy 1:10), but wait! There's more.

    Second, they have been, are, and always will be filthy drug addicts, no matter what their press agents tell you (remember, they serve the Father of Lies). There will be no drug addicts in Heaven (Galatians 5:19-21)

    Third, they are vegetarians, just like Adolph Hitler and Pol Pot. There have been rumors that Ms. Jolie is now eating meat; again, that's disinformation and/or double entendre. God made meat for us to eat (1 Timothy 4:1-3), Brangelina, you think you know better than Him, but He'll show you. Ha ha yes He will, Amen!

    Fourth, they serve the Holly-jew movie machine, their movies have all been directed and/or financed by filthy revolting jews that will burn in Hell alongside them forever with their dirty families! This world is of Satan (John 14:30), and all of their power is of this world, but their money won't get them into Heaven (Matthew 19:24)! Hallelujah!

    Fifth, they are monstrous atheists just like Pol Pot and Joseph Stalin, all atheists will burn in Hell together (Revelation 21:8).

    Sixth, and most conclusively for all of you "must have solid evidence I can see with my own two eyes" pinheads who haven't caught on yet, they have retarded children!

    * * *


    If the National Enquirer is lying, they'll be sued out of existence, but they're not, so they won't, Praise God! It's obvious these kids are halfwits at best.


    There is no recognition in their eyes that they're looking at anything around them; they are lost in the reveries of the retarded. I almost envy them and their ignorance, how peaceful it must be!


    I'm not a doctor, but the one on the left may also be a waterhead, which is a worser form of retard.

    * * *

    Retarded children are proof positive GOD hates you (Leviticus 21:16-24, Proverbs 19:13, Deuteronomy 21:18-21)! What further evidence do you need that these outwardly charitable, beautiful, smiling people are in all actuality satanic jew-slave blood-sucking abominations?

    These soft-headed little monster twins are badges of shame from GOD to show True Christians who's who and what's what; to discern the truth from the lie.

    What can you do about it, dear reader? Boycott their dirty jew picture shows! Don't buy any jew magazine with them on the cover! And anytime someone around the water cooler starts babbling about Brangelina, let them know the AWFUL TRUTH about them and their Hell-bound retard babies!

    My closing prayer:

    Dear Lord Jesus Christ my Master and Shepherd,

    Thank you so much, Dear Lord, for this divine inspiration directly from You. I am not worthy of even one second of Your attention, and yet You are so magnificently merciful that You have granted me this holy wisdom. All glory be to you, Sweet Lord Jesus Christ.

    Praise You forever Lord Jesus,

    Amen.
    Last edited by Meek and Humble; 04-19-2011, 09:50 PM. Reason: fixed formatting error
    The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12
  • John Creeser
    Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
     
    • Aug 2009
    • 7248

    #2
    Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

    PREACH IT BROTHER CURSED!!!!

    While you were certainly thorough don't forget she's also a witch. Why else would she be wearing a vile of blood I figured she put a spell on Brad and that's why he really left Jennifer Aniston
    -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
    -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

    -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
    -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
    -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
    -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
    -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

    STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!


    Comment

    • HTannor
      America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2009
      • 2612

      #3
      Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

      Brother Cursed, I sit in awe of your keen analysis of the slut and her slutmonger.

      Oh, I suppose, some of the bleeding heart lieberals out there will swoon all over their decision to adopt those mongoloids, but I'm pretty sure it's all for show. They just want another subject for conversations when they host another of those Hollyweird cocktail parties.

      They can trot out the droolers and there will be all sorts of oohs and aahs from their fellow travelers. The joos in the crowd won't be so much interested in the rug rats as they will in the open bar and free whorederves.




      But, back to you Brother Cursed: I think you must spend a great deal of time doing research. And I imagine it must be very difficult to use your misshapen, ugly little stumps to work on the keyboard.

      My greatest fear is that you are not taking proper care of yourself during these intense periods.

      It is for that reason I am sending over the Dingle sisters to deliver a little something to nourish yourself during those times.



      The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

      "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

      Comment

      • Cursed
        Recovering Bastard
        Head of Landover Glee Club
        True Christian™
        • Jan 2011
        • 1363

        #4
        Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

        Originally posted by John Creeser View Post
        PREACH IT BROTHER CURSED!!!!

        While you were certainly thorough don't forget she's also a witch. Why else would she be wearing a vile of blood I figured she put a spell on Brad and that's why he really left Jennifer Aniston
        God bless you for your generosity in participation, Brother Creeser!

        Witches are abominations that the LORD GOD commands us to kill.


        Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.~Exodus 22:18

        It's obvious now that you've brought it up, brother. I think I blocked it out because it's so scary to me and I'm not brave like a Caucasian True Christian male, the finest of the True Christians.

        Come to think of it, this has disturbing implications. Is the United Nations a satanic organization? Is Brad Pitt a bewitched thrall, or has he become a warlock?

        I shudder to think!

        I pray to you, Dear GOD, to smite these filthy witches and their retard spawn. May their private jet be struck by a righteous thunderbolt over the bermuda triangle in Your Name!

        Amen.
        The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12

        Comment

        • HTannor
          America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
          True Christian™
          • Jun 2009
          • 2612

          #5
          Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

          Originally posted by Cursed View Post
          God bless you for your generosity in participation, Brother Creeser!
          There is no need to thank me for your nutritional supplements, Brother Cursed, I do what I can for your labors in the Name of the Lord®.

          I really hope your time with the Dingle sisters was well spent. They mean well and aim to please. I know I'm constantly pleased by them.
          The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

          "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

          Comment

          • BelieverInGod
            Fourm Member
            Forum Member
            • Feb 2010
            • 9269

            #6
            Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

            So do they return last years model back to the hell-hole they dug them out of? I'm just curious.
            Drama queen

            Comment

            • Cursed
              Recovering Bastard
              Head of Landover Glee Club
              True Christian™
              • Jan 2011
              • 1363

              #7
              Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

              Originally posted by HTannor View Post
              Brother Cursed, I sit in awe of your keen analysis of the slut and her slutmonger.
              I am honored for your kindness, Sir Judge Tannor sir!

              Oh, I suppose, some of the bleeding heart lieberals out there will swoon all over their decision to adopt those mongoloids, but I'm pretty sure it's all for show. They just want another subject for conversations when they host another of those Hollyweird cocktail parties.
              I agree completely! They are for show primarily, and possibly a tax shelter of some kind.

              I'm not clever enough to figure out the details, but I'd bet a taco that Brangelina are making money on their garbage pail kids somehow.

              They can trot out the droolers and there will be all sorts of oohs and aahs from their fellow travelers. The joos in the crowd won't be so much interested in the rug rats as they will in the open bar and free whorederves.
              You know it, Mister Your Honor Tannor! Their adopted gutter spawn are paraded about to satisfy the mouth-breathing masses, and it works. Disturbing fact: The little monsters are from Cambodia, Ethiopia, and Vietnam, all enemies of the United States of America!


              These third-world bastards have been overheard saying, "Death to America" in public. How dare they! We'll show them come Judgment Day!

              But, back to you Brother Cursed: I think you must spend a great deal of time doing research. And I imagine it must be very difficult to use your misshapen, ugly little stumps to work on the keyboard.
              You've got that right! My greasy mitts weren't made for typing, this computer is very difficult for me. My best work will always be with a lawnmower, I'm afraid.

              My greatest fear is that you are not taking proper care of yourself during these intense periods.

              It is for that reason I am sending over the Dingle sisters to deliver a little something to nourish yourself during those times.
              There is no need to thank me for your nutritional supplements, Brother Cursed, I do what I can for your labors in the Name of the Lord®.

              I really hope your time with the Dingle sisters was well spent. They mean well and aim to please. I know I'm constantly pleased by them.
              God bless you sir, God bless you so much!

              I've never had so many wonderful people be nice to me in one day, it's like my best Christmas ever if this was Christmas!

              I can't be smart and strong like you, Your Honor Tannor sir, but I can be grateful. Thank you for your kindness, and most importantly, thank you for your precious time, a minute of which is worth as much as a week of mine, Praise God!
              The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12

              Comment

              • Cursed
                Recovering Bastard
                Head of Landover Glee Club
                True Christian™
                • Jan 2011
                • 1363

                #8
                Re: Retard twins prove Brangelina serve Satan!

                Originally posted by BelieverInGod View Post
                So do they return last years model back to the hell-hole they dug them out of? I'm just curious.
                I don't know what their wicked plans are, beloved Sister!

                My research has revealed some unsettling facts to ponder though...

                Brangelina's daughter Zahara is old enough to be married in muslim law (which is the top religion of Lucifer) at six years of age.

                Zahara starts digging for gold early, just like her mommy.


                * * *

                And guess what? Brangelina are already putting her on the auction block and trying to forge an unholy union of perversity with that monster, Justin Bieber!

                * * *

                Poor baby Bieber, just spent $100,000.00 on dinner and had to have pictures taken afterwards in your limo? Oh woe is you.


                How could they let their daughter spend time privately with this well-known sexual predator?

                It's easy to understand when you remember they don't think like you or I do; all they care about is sex, power, and money, nothing is off limits to them! They don't respect secular law like True Christians, they will sell their poor ethiopian pseudo-daughter to the highest bidder and we'll hear she died in a tragic car accident, but we'll know the truth.

                We'll know the awful truth. Poor kid never had a chance, not even an ethiopian deserves that.
                The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12

                Comment

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