Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

[Faith_Machine]

I'd like to visit Freehold. Where should I stay? What's the best order in which to take in the sights? Do you recommend paying to go on a tour? What are the best restaurants in town?

Any pointers or inside tips would be greatly appreciated.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I'd like to visit Freehold. Where should I stay? What's the best order in which to take in the sights? Do you recommend paying to go on a tour? What are the best restaurants in town? Any pointers or inside tips would be greatly appreciated.

Don't go, yet. We only allow True Christians(tm) in Freehold. So concentrate on the Holy Bible, the Holy Bible and nothing but the Holy Bible. Did I mention the Holy Bible?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

But I am a Christian. That's why my heart yearns for Freehold.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

But I am a Christian. That's why my heart yearns for Freehold.

Be patient, little lamb. Jesus yearns for you as well.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

Patience is a virtue. God id not build the Heavens and the Earth in a day, things take time.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

If I can't take my vacation in Freehold, I'd just as soon stay home.

Sigh.

I really was hoping to get away from all the sodomy that permeates the San Francisco area.

Seriously, it's like an epidemic here. If it's not the sodomy, it's the drugs.

We had a decent little earthquake on Monday, a 3.8 centered South of Half Moon Bay, but definitely felt in San Francisco. Here in Pacifica, my mother said it felt like a truck had hit her house.

The earthquake caused a power outage.

I figure this was God giving us a tiny little taste of what is to come.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I know it's no substitute for the land of milk and honey, but you're welcome to come and visit my family in Northern Europe. No earthquakes here, just plenty of non-Christians being all uppity about their socialist governments. Bring a baseball glove and your Bible and we'll have good 'ol time.

Also, how are you at converting? Any experience scaring children by warning them about the wrath of the Lord?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

Thank you Bill! That's right neighborly of you! It's funny you should mention that about converting children, as the Boy Scouts of America recently informed me I was no longer welcome to volunteer my time with them. Apparently some sicko parents complained about my attempts to save their little ones from eternal damnation.

I had taken the kids out in the woods and made them watch Deliverance on my laptop computer, just to make sure they understood exactly what it was that homosexuals are into.

You'd think their parents would thank me for performing this service, but all I heard was some nonsense about their delicate little boys being "made uncomfortable" and "traumatized."

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

If I can't take my vacation in Freehold, I'd just as soon stay home.

Sigh.

I really was hoping to get away from all the sodomy that permeates the San Francisco area.

Seriously, it's like an epidemic here. If it's not the sodomy, it's the drugs.

We had a decent little earthquake on Monday, a 3.8 centered South of Half Moon Bay, but definitely felt in San Francisco. Here in Pacifica, my mother said it felt like a truck had hit her house.

The earthquake caused a power outage.

I figure this was God giving us a tiny little taste of what is to come.

Oh he probably was. I have a theory that he's going to let ALL the sodomites and other liebrals move to California and then drop it into the Pacific with one big earthquake.

That being said, remember what He said about Sodom and Gomorrah,

Genesis 18:32 And he said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.

So think of it this way, you may be one of the "ten" that is giving the filthy sodomites a chance to change their ways.

Once you are ready, the Brothers here will be more than willing to help you move to Freehold, but as a Forum Member, you're not quite ready. Trust me there's so many hoops to jump through, and the "interviews" with the DoF **shudder** You really don't want to start the process until everyone is completely sure.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

Trust me there's so many hoops to jump through, and the "interviews" with the DoF **shudder** You really don't want to start the process until everyone is completely sure.

That's for sure!

It took months of interviews, questionnaires, tithes, background checks, applications, physical exams, tithes, references, repeated body cavity searches, and more just to get my "Regular Visitor" visa.

I haven't even TRIED to MOVE there!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I have nothing to hide!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I have nothing to hide!

Don't worry, they will find it!!

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I have nothing to hide!

Read the feedback the moderators Cranky and JH gave you. Observe what those who have recently made True Christian™ have done. Emulate it. On the other hand, whining will make it worse. I didn't really enjoy your "watching Deliverance with" thing. I thought it was in extreme poor taste.

Quite honestly, I don't think you are going to make the cut, but it's not only up to me.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

Read the feedback the moderators Cranky and JH gave you. Observe what those who have recently made True Christian™ have done. Emulate it. On the other hand, whining will make it worse. I didn't really enjoy your "watching Deliverance with" thing. I thought it was in extreme poor taste.

Brother, he may have exercised exceedingly poor judgment in exposing those young, impressionable children to Ned Beatty . . .

. . . but telling the Truth is never in poor taste.

I'm sure we can help him find better ways to warn young boys of the evils of sodomania!

Speaking of which, where IS Professor Gossamer Bessemer these days?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Need advice for vacation to Freehold.

I didn't really enjoy your "watching Deliverance with" thing. I thought it was in extreme poor taste.

Boy, there sure were a lot of angry parents who felt the same way! I just hope they don't live to see their sons turn into tulips and then spend the rest of their lives regretting the stance they took.