[Talitha]

Re: Colonic Demons?

I live in the north of England and was hoping I could find somewhere locally to exorcise my fundament. Can anyone help?

We do not perform exorcism. That is a catholic occupation.
Get those mary worshipers in and it wouldn't just be Demons they wanted from your Rectum.

If you are a skirt wearing nancy boy from North England then there is your problem.
Demons just love men in skirts.

[mcmullanbrush]

Re: Colonic Demons?

I live in the north of England and was hoping I could find somewhere locally to exorcise my fundament. Can anyone help?

[wait_what]

Re: Colonic Demons?

1. Little Donkey is not a True Christian™.
2. It is not your place to correct a Forum Member, someone on a par with you on the forum but far beyond you in her Biblical knowledge. It is the place of a Pastor or a True Christian™ to correct her.
3. Why do you concern yourself with an imagined mote in Sister Mitza's eye, while ignoring the SCUD missile in your own?

Fair enough. I apologize.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Colonic Demons?

As accurate and detailed as your portrayal may be, I fear for you. You may need to have your colonic demons removed. It seems they have motivated you to try to correct a man, and a True Christian one at that. No way you would do that if you didn't have anal archfiends.

1. Little Donkey is not a True Christian(tm).
2. It is not your place to correct a Forum Member, someone on a par with you on the forum but far beyond you in her Biblical knowledge. It is the place of a Pastor or a True Christian(tm) to correct her.
3. Why do you concern yourself with an imagined mote in Sister Mitza's eye, while ignoring the SCUD missile in your own?

[wait_what]

Re: Colonic Demons?

The world is not a sphere, as we know. Therefore it can have more than one central location. Here are a couple of illustrations which are clear enough concerning the real situation, the Truth revealed by God who created all things.




COLOSSIANS 1
16 For by him were all things created that are in heauen, and that are in earth, visible and inuisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him.
17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.
©1611

God by His Word made everything. That is why He knows everything about it, everything that can ever be known, whether we can see it or not.
God has not abandoned us in some enigmatic dark age. He illuminates our understanding by the light of His Word.

JOHN 1:14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among vs (& we beheld his glory, the glory as of the onely begotten of the Father) full of grace and trueth.
©1611

When God tells us about the world He has created or about His Plan For Salvation, He is telling the truth. God is not a liar.

JOHN 14:6 Iesus saith vnto him, I am the Way, the Trueth, and the Life: no man commeth vnto the Father but by mee.
©1611

Some people would rather pay attention to their own spurious ideas and ignore God's Truth. They are really worshiping Satan's philosophy in so doing: they might as well worship their own genitals! It's idolatry in any case, but there are many who do prefer lies!

God tells us about people like that, too:

ROMANS 1:25 Who changed the trueth of God into a lye, and worshipped and serued the creature more then the Creatour, who is blessed for euer. Amen.
©1611

As accurate and detailed as your portrayal may be, I fear for you. You may need to have your colonic demons removed. It seems they have motivated you to try to correct a man, and a True Christian one at that. No way you would do that if you didn't have anal archfiends.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Colonic Demons?

Jees, we jist figgured DeWayne had a bout wif worms....shoulda known it was the debil his-self up his butt

[Original Gothster]

Re: Colonic Demons?

You need to get in touch with one of our "outreach" Pastors.

Other than getting sent to Hell if you die with Demons up your butt, what else do they do up there? Do they have teeth, or are they like ghosts? Can you feel them, all wiggling around and stuff?

As a former working girl, for the right price, a guy could do pretty much whatever he wanted back there, so I'm a bit wore out if you get my meaning. But I don't think anything is actually living up my poop chute. And what about cooter demons?

[Rapture Eddie]

Re: Colonic Demons?

I'm quite worried that it is very likely I've gotten colonic demons in my youth while masturbating.

Is it possible to arrange colonic demon check and cleansing via webcam for those that do not live in Freehold?
If it is possible I'd like to reserve a calling time for that operation.

You need to get in touch with one of our "outreach" Pastors.

[Living_Water]

Re: Colonic Demons?

I'm quite worried that it is very likely I've gotten colonic demons in my youth while masturbating.

Is it possible to arrange colonic demon check and cleansing via webcam for those that do not live in Freehold?
If it is possible I'd like to reserve a calling time for that operation.

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: Colonic Demons?

That guy in the banner ad that links to this thread is giving me the CREEPS! He DEFINITELY has demons in his colon! Just look at his EYES!

YES!!!

He is ONE of Them! That Face, He Haunts my Dreams, my DREAMS OF BLOOD!!! He is a DARK ONE, he is not of The Her! He is Of The Shadows! PURE EVIL!!! The HORROR of THAT FACE!!!



His EYES, those Horrible EYES! NO!!! Begone Demon-Filled MONSTER, back to HELL, Back where you Came From! NOW!!! I call on The Lord to CAST YOU INTO The Pit! LEAVE Me Alone, Get out of My HEAD!! NOW!!!

'

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Colonic Demons?

That guy in the banner ad that links to this thread is giving me the CREEPS! He DEFINITELY has demons in his colon! Just look at his EYES!

Indeed he does, Brother!

But it IS an effective ad. I see it brought you here.

I wonder . . . perhaps Landover should run some of these ads on those atheist/secularist websites? Like, say, the Fiendly Atheist, or in Humanist Magazine.

I've heard some of those places offer fairly steep discounts to non-profit organizations, which would include churches. And if they denied Landover the discount, why, that'd be grounds for a lawsuit!

[Original Gothster]

Re: Colonic Demons?

I must agree with Brother Portway. That man is obviously acutely infected with a raging case of the Sodomania. If any of the Pastors know the identity of that wretched individual, please contact me immediately.

He needs emergency Ex-Gay© treatment as soon as possible. I would agree to wave my standard fee and travel to where ever he might be located. He needs my care, and Brother Portway was correct, you can tell by looking into his pitiful, squinty eyes!

Yep, he's a fag for sure. If there's one thing I know, it's dudes and if they are the type to pay for a date with a broad like yours truly. And THAT dude wouldn't get near a chick for nothing! Queer as three dollar bill that one, I'm sure of it.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Colonic Demons?

That guy in the banner ad that links to this thread is giving me the CREEPS! He DEFINITELY has demons in his colon! Just look at his EYES!

I must agree with Brother Portway. That man is obviously acutely infected with a raging case of the Sodomania. If any of the Pastors know the identity of that wretched individual, please contact me immediately.

He needs emergency Ex-Gay© treatment as soon as possible. I would agree to wave my standard fee and travel to where ever he might be located. He needs my care, and Brother Portway was correct, you can tell by looking into his pitiful, squinty eyes!

[TheLordSavedMe]

Re: Colonic Demons?

That guy in the banner ad that links to this thread is giving me the CREEPS! He DEFINITELY has demons in his colon! Just look at his EYES!

Awwwww, I feel ssooooooooooo sorry for him!

He needs to get SAVED so he can go to HEAVEN and be with BabyJesus!!

If GOD kills him before he gets those demons out of his behind, he'll for sure end up in HELL!!!





Tammi +

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Colonic Demons?

That guy in the banner ad that links to this thread is giving me the CREEPS! He DEFINITELY has demons in his colon! Just look at his EYES!