[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I am a coworker of Eliot. It was his wish this get posted:

If you're reading this I am with Jesus. (I hope). I am telling him about the wonderful people at Landover. Also I know you people are sad. Don't mourn my leaving your flock, but celebrate my being in a better place!
The Lord loves a Bar Be Que and so did I. Please have a big one in my honour!
There also needs to be a new leader at our youth camp. I think it should be ok until someone gets here. I have a capable assistant. I have left all my money to Landover as well as the boot camp. I will miss posting here everyday and trying to save more souls for Jesus.
To Pastor Zeke, I appreciate your friendship and guidance through rough times.
To Pastor Pistle, your name be praised. truly you are one of the greatest men to walk this planet.
To the Ladies of Landover, I hope you get to join me up here. I will put in a good word for you all!
Well, Good bye until you get here!


Eliot passed on to the Lord's hands last night at 3:10 local time. He had been hooked up to an oxygen tank for three days and had a chest drain. He still demanded to post on Landover. He passed with a Bible in his hands. I believe his last thoughts may have been from Deuteronomy
Chap. 32.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think.

Rest in peace Brother Eliot. You are surely sitting next to the Lord sipping a cold one. Your work for Christ will have finally paid off.

I hope you can still read our Godly forum and will be lurking here from time to time.

This is a day of joy, and yet also of infinite sadness. May we all join you soon Brother.

Amen.

PS: could you have a look down and see if it's really DeKalb that tossed himself into hell? I don't trust the guy.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Well Praise Jesus, I know Brother Eliot must be up in Heaven right now, sipping a cold beer with Jesus. I actually envy him.

We're still waiting for the paperwork to go through on his will. I assume he left everything to God's favorite church. I really miss him.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I cannot help but shed a quiet tear as I write my farewell to Brother Eliot.

It is my fervent hope that I shall be allowed to someday exchange greetings with him inside the gates of Paradise. But even if that should not come to pass, I shall never forget the wonderful True Christian(tm) compassion and love he unfailingly showed--not only to his brothers and sisters here at Landover, but even to the most demonic of Unsaved Trash(c).

Rest in peace, dear Brother. May the angels lift you up and may the Holy Spirit eternally hover over you in the shape of a beautiful dove, raining His pure, white love down upon your head forever! GLORY!

[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Eliot may be on his way somewhere, but it ain't doves tickling his skin. I think they're called earthworms!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Eliot may be on his way somewhere, but it ain't doves tickling his skin. I think they're called earthworms!

You know what!? I'm going to ban you for that. Brother Eliot was my FRIEND, you maggot! I won't take that off of anyone! Eliot is up in Heaven right now, I'm sure!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Thank you for that, Pastor Ezekiel. I too took deep offense at this poseur's attitude and his sad attempts at humor, which only made him sound as stupid as he actually is. Brother Eliot was a friend to many here at LBC, and you did what many of us would have done if we could.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I must say a good heart felt laugh did me some good. I'm sorry, but sometimes I just get carried away.

Back to the subject.

This morning I vomitted pure white phelgm for almost 15 minutes. I thought it was my time. But, as you can see I am still here.
It seems to be happening more frequently these days.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I must say a good heart felt laugh did me some good. I'm sorry, but sometimes I just get carried away.

Back to the subject.

This morning I vomitted pure white phelgm for almost 15 minutes. I thought it was my time. But, as you can see I am still here.
It seems to be happening more frequently these days.

Pure white you say? That's a good sign Brother! If it was red or black that would be a sure sign of demon possession! Pure white phlegm means that angels are at work cleansing your guts.

Probably one of our Creation Scientists could explain it in detail.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Yes, it could be interesting. I'll send some in the post if anyone wants to examine it.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

HELLO Brothers and Sisters! And the Pastors and the rest!

I like this “Font” it looks like a typewriter. A Font do!!! Well, an update. They changed my medicene and feel really wondeful. I feel “awe-some” I am in some kind of awe about our Lord and saviour Jeus Christ!

Yes! I say give me a “J” give me an “E” and a “S” and a “U” and one more “S”! Jesus!!!!
Oh thank you Lord for delivering me from evil! The Devo himself was at my feet gnawing on them waiting for my soul and to suck the marrow out of my bones! But I defeated him! Yes, The wind dried Jesus and the night began to howl as Jesus grappled with the masked maraurder himslef full of his dirty tricks and eye-gouges! He had no chance for in the wrassling ring of Heaven, God is the referee and he sees those chains hidden in the kneepad of Satan himself. And when Jesus rips that T=shirt in two, and it turns into fish and wine for the front row fans, Satan knew he was in trouble. Jesus put him in a Boston Crab followed by a camel clutch and finished him off Jesus jawbreaker!

Then I was free. Satin was no more in control. And do you know what Jesus did for me? He gave me eternal life! I shall never die, but live forever in Paradise! Whoever belifieth in me shall live forever in a green pasture! Yes, not a yellow submarine, not on Peni’s lane, No sir! No green women! Green Pastors!
God has green pastors for us!Not a care in Heaven. Just walk around in the grass, enjoy the sunshine, laugh at people burning in Hell!

I fear no evil! No I don’t! Because God has my back. And with God behind me I could kick rear ends all day long. :Oh Lord, won’t you cover my rear end? All my friends have horses, and I’m trying to make the bend.

It’s more than a filling! It’s filling my soul eternal life! I will never die nor will you if you join me in praising our Lord. Yes, laying in green pastures! Sonshine (Jesus shine!) all day and no rain unless it’s dry and you need some. Yes! Sonshine because I don’t like penacolonics and walking in the rain!
Oh God! Oh god! Thank you again and again forsaving me from the firey bowls of Hell. I am your humble eternal life terminator Christian!
I am indeed honored to have been chosen to play on your team. I have have not been the first chosen, but I hope I’m not like the scrawney pencil neck geek that someone has to choose! But, I know better. I have gaith in your wisdom and will never doubt.
Your servant E.M.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Um, preach it, Brother?