Preparing for the Rapture!

[Justina Thyme]

Brothers and Sisters, I've been thinking: When the Rapture comes, it will happen all of a sudden and we'll be leaving behind those (conceivably even "friends" and/or family members!) who remain unsaved:

Matthew 25:13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

It has occurred to me that some of us may, out of Christian compassion and even though they are merely Unsaved Trash©, wish to leave them some small consolation/explanation as to what has taken place. So in the spirit of True Christian™ love, I offer the following:

http://www.raptureletters.com/

This is a site where we may add the names of those whom we'll be leaving behind (GLORY!) to a list of recipients of a pre-written letter. As you can see, the beauty of this is that we don't have to waste our time composing our own letter; all we have to do is take a moment to add a name or names to the list, and the letter will be automatically emailed to the undeserving lowlife scum people we have added.

Revelation 3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.

We cannot, according to Scripture, be fully prepared. But I think this is a step in the right direction. It can't hurt!

[Seeker]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

That site is cool. I was a little disappointed with the letters I sent out about y2k.

[Dr. Warren Wierdsbe]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Brothers and Sisters, I've been thinking: When the Rapture comes, it will happen all of a sudden and we'll be leaving behind those (conceivably even "friends" and/or family members!) who remain unsaved:

Matthew 25:13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

It has occurred to me that some of us may, out of Christian compassion and even though they are merely Unsaved Trash©, wish to leave them some small consolation/explanation as to what has taken place. So in the spirit of True Christian™ love, I offer the following:

http://www.raptureletters.com/

This is a site where we may add the names of those whom we'll be leaving behind (GLORY!) to a list of recipients of a pre-written letter. As you can see, the beauty of this is that we don't have to waste our time composing our own letter; all we have to do is take a moment to add a name or names to the list, and the letter will be automatically emailed to the undeserving lowlife scum people we have added.

Revelation 3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.

We cannot, according to Scripture, be fully prepared. But I think this is a step in the right direction. It can't hurt!

Now sister, I know it's the womens' failing to be sentimental, but that is just the playing out of their gullibility, knowing that Satan had to tempt Eve because Adam, being the glory of God, could not be deceived.

So in Christ's lovingkindness, I must say to you that there is such a grievous error in that doctrine that anyone who believes it is in danger of hellfire! Just what makes anyone think that once we are caught up to be with Jesus in the clouds, it will still not be too late for the wicked? Those who didn't have time for Jesus in this life, what is there for them in the next? Need I provide the answer?

Make no mistake, God knows His own! Don't think He'll get the one group now, and come back for the ones He missed! That is false teaching and anyone who participates in it is guilty right along with the apostates who have popularized this farce!

Besides, if family and friends have not heard the Holy Spirit quickening their hearts, and come to Christ, they are not the elect! Believe me, you will not have time to mourn anything as you will have full knowledge in Christ at that time, and will fully understand the evil and wickedness that will be unleashed at that time. They deserve their fate.

God hates them. If he loved them, they'd be with Him.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

http://www.raptureletters.com/

Thanks for letting folks know about this. I already have one set up for Thomas Martin, Mr. Martin's friend Coach Burmeister who I've talked to on AIM, Unfalsifiable, Star Finder, Rachel Van Helsing, Dances with Joy, Miss Hikari, Hitoshi, Narrowpathy, RoseRougeSang, SinisterPizza, Undecided, Joe the Atheist, and Jewsef. I still need to get one set up for Albert Martin, if no one else has already.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Dr. Weirdsbe, I thank you for your erudite reply, but as Pastor Billy-Reuben is a Senior Pastor here and he has made use of the Rapture Letters site, I must and shall bow to his authority.

Pastor Billy-Reuben, I'll be happy to set a letter up for Albert Martin. Consider it done.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Dr. Weirdsbe, I thank you for your erudite reply, but as Pastor Billy-Reuben is a Senior Pastor here and he has made use of the Rapture Letters site, I must and shall bow to his authority.

Now hold on a minute. I agree with Dr. Weirdsbe, and it was not my intention to imply otherwise.

The rapture letters that I wrote are nothing more than told-you-so's.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

I understand, Pastor. I apologize to both you and Dr. Weirdsbe for my presumption. Thank you for clarifying this for me.

[Justin Bill]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Now hold on a minute. I agree with Dr. Weirdsbe, and it was not my intention to imply otherwise.

The rapture letters that I wrote are nothing more than told-you-so's.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

I have aranged to have custom rapture letters sent out to all my ex-friends, parents, and my brother, telling them how much i truly hate them and hope they enjoy hell and that to remember that i am in heaven while they are kickin' it with satan.

I will have a very holy, righteous, smugness while i ascend to heaven, that will make the juices of the afterlife all that much sweeter.

if you would like, i can post my form letter...

praise jesus, and have fun in hell sinners...

justin

[Dr. Warren Wierdsbe]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Now hold on a minute. I agree with Dr. Weirdsbe, and it was not my intention to imply otherwise.

The rapture letters that I wrote are nothing more than told-you-so's.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

Thank you, Pastor! Now that's a kind of rapture letter I could get behind! About the only sadness all these years when thinking about that great and glorious day when our Lord appears has been thinking about those I will have left behind...and knowing I couldn't dope-slap them after the fact! Now, with the amazing Interwebs, we can do it from beyond!

Glory!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

My husband, Mr. Whitford, and I have had Rapture Wills done up by our joo lawyer. We still have regular wills in case Jesus should decide to bring us home before the Rapture, but thought it would be a good idea to have Rapture Wills too.
In our regular wills, our Saved relatives and Landover Baptist Church will split our estate. But in the Rapture Wills, everything goes to Raoul, our Mexican't pool boy. I know, I know! But property values are going to plummet anyway once all the True Christians(tm) are raised up to Heaven, and it's a great way of saying to our unsaved trash relatives, "If you just listened to us in the first place, you wouldn't be worried about this now."

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

My husband and I have had Raoul, our Mexican't pool boy. I know, I know! But it's great!

Is that a case of 'bean there, done that'?




Bless you, My suspicious endomorph
Father Mo

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Is that a case of 'bean there, done that'?




Bless you, My suspicious endomorph
Father Mo

I see, much like scripture Catholics also go around omitting people's words to suite their own ends. Then again what else would you expect from a grown man who is wearing a robe?

[WWJDnow]

Re: Preparing for the Rapture!

Are you worried about all of the loved ones you're going to leave behind when you're raptured out of here? I know that I am! Now there's a service that will deliver to them the Good News that, provided they are willing to suffer the disease and thirst and starvation and war and mutilation and decapitation throughout the tribulation period that God in His infinite love and mercy will bring down upon the world to prove that He means business without cozying up to Satan--they too can be Saved and join God and us forever in Jesus's Kingdom.

This invaluable service can be found at RaputreLetters.com. Just put the email of a sinning friend (OK, just kidding, I know we don't have friends who sin, but maybe a former friend) or relative in the database, and, at the very moment the Rapture takes place, they'll get an email explaining where we've gone and the Hell that they're going to need to prepare for if they don't want to go to Hell permanently. The email will deliver useful survival tips, such as 19 Creative Ways to Cook Rat Fillets Without Having To Take the Mark of the Beast and When the Rivers Turn to Blood, Make Blood Sausage--and sooooooo much more. And, best of all, it's totally free.

Be sure to warn the recipients whose addresses you've entered to take "rapture" and "tribulation" and "Jesus" and "God" and "Satan" and "Devil" and "Antichrist" out of their spam filters, since they're really gonna need those rat recipes, and not so very long from now.