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Happy Birthday
I hurt:
inside;
myself.
I disappoint:
you,
myself,
family,
friends,
teachers,
everyone...
I am:
forgettable,
broken,
hurting,
worhtless and unworthy,
lazy,
a disappoinment,
completely spent: drained;
in every sense of the word: tired;
ugly,
very sorry.
I have:
nothing left to give,
I want:
to please everyone,
fix everything,
meet their expectations,
disappear.
They All:
hates me,
scorns me,
resents me,
pretends to love me,
judges me,
criticizes me,
expects too much from me,
demands everything from me,
ingores me,
takes: wear me out until they've mined all my emotions and there's nothing left of me;
hurts me,
leaves me,
forgets me.
No one can truly love a burden
any more than they'd love a pebble in their shoe.
But all I am is a problem
and somehow I've become everyoen's problem.
They don't love me:
they feel obligated to me:
they bear me, have to fix me.
But their expectations only serve to break and hurt me further.
But today is a "special day";
so today they'll keep their harsh crticisms
and their ruthless judgements
thinly veiled behind comments of
congratulations and feigned affection:
"Happy empty Birthday!"
"We're so proud of you" : "We expcted a lot more from you by now":
"We're glad to see you" : "We've interrupted our lives to talk to you, and now that we have, we're leaving;
"We love you" : "You have no idea what a huge disappoinment you are to all of us";
As you can see, I speak their language
and won't be fooled by any of their
seemingly-affectionate comments.
It's pathetic how much I want
to have their love and approval.
It's pathetic.
I'm pathetic.
Pathetic.
Happy 19th Birthday,
Alie!
inside;
myself.
I disappoint:
you,
myself,
family,
friends,
teachers,
everyone...
I am:
forgettable,
broken,
hurting,
worhtless and unworthy,
lazy,
a disappoinment,
completely spent: drained;
in every sense of the word: tired;
ugly,
very sorry.
I have:
nothing left to give,
I want:
to please everyone,
fix everything,
meet their expectations,
disappear.
They All:
hates me,
scorns me,
resents me,
pretends to love me,
judges me,
criticizes me,
expects too much from me,
demands everything from me,
ingores me,
takes: wear me out until they've mined all my emotions and there's nothing left of me;
hurts me,
leaves me,
forgets me.
No one can truly love a burden
any more than they'd love a pebble in their shoe.
But all I am is a problem
and somehow I've become everyoen's problem.
They don't love me:
they feel obligated to me:
they bear me, have to fix me.
But their expectations only serve to break and hurt me further.
But today is a "special day";
so today they'll keep their harsh crticisms
and their ruthless judgements
thinly veiled behind comments of
congratulations and feigned affection:
"Happy empty Birthday!"
"We're so proud of you" : "We expcted a lot more from you by now":
"We're glad to see you" : "We've interrupted our lives to talk to you, and now that we have, we're leaving;
"We love you" : "You have no idea what a huge disappoinment you are to all of us";
As you can see, I speak their language
and won't be fooled by any of their
seemingly-affectionate comments.
It's pathetic how much I want
to have their love and approval.
It's pathetic.
I'm pathetic.
Pathetic.
Happy 19th Birthday,
Alie!
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