[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

If you're going to make attempts on your dad's life, it's probably not a good idea to signpost it like that.

Pastor, how is FORSEEING something that will happen making an attempt on someone's life. I was crying for days afterward, mainly because I love my father and would never do anything to harm him.

Awesome poem buddy, keep it up.

Thank you, Ixi, for the encouragement. Like I've said, it's not my best. It was late and I was listening to a song over and over.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Immortal

Pastor, how is FORSEEING something that will happen making an attempt on someone's life. I was crying for days afterward, mainly because I love my father and would never do anything to harm him.

You're not fooling anyone. If an Italian came round your house and started making comments about how nice it was, and how it'd a shame if anything happened to it, would you think he was just making idle small talk? Let's take another example: I foresee you're about to recieve a bundle of infraction points. Let's see what happens next.

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

OK, look BT, I had a dream that something was going to happen to my father and tried to warn my family and no one listened. This happened 5 years ago and he has since recovered nicely. Still won't stop smoking though....

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Immortal

OK, look BT, I had a dream that something was going to happen to my father and tried to warn my family and no one listened. This happened 5 years ago and he has since recovered nicely. Still won't stop smoking though....

Then Jesus was probably trying to give you a warning to give up your furry ways and accept Him. And you didn't listen, did you? Will you have to wait for Jesus to kill your dad before you become a Christian?

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

I was a devout Christian when that happened and had none of the knowledge that i have now. It's funny how we find our true paths sometimes.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Immortal

For all that's been,
For all I've loved.
You won't let me fall.
Love so unconditional,
Love so profound.

You know me. You see
Me. You see right through
Me. You stand before me.
You protect me. You spread
Your wings, and help me fly!

They can't kill me. You're
Immortal. They can't hurt
Me. You're immortal. They
Can't touch me. You're
Immortal!
~Guardian of the Blind.
Probably not my best. I'm still taking writing classes.
I just love the word "immortal". It just says so much in the right context.

When I come to a poem I have not read before I make a point to skip all of the previous commentary.

I don't read the commentary until ten minutes after posting.

Then it's too late for me to revise my posting (and lie) about the poem.

So here's my pure reaction:

-the poem is basically pretty blessed good.
-it has good (ironic) line breaks.
-it's not profound, but then, I don't expect you to see that, you being limited to reading braille bumps and all that.;
or rather, your being banned from this place by now, it seems.


Crits:

-L2 has a period. It should not have a period.
-Capping all your line-starts gives the poem a poesy-look that today is out of style.

Let me illustrate some suggestions?

See what you think? (more blind staggers humor!)

Let's put God to the fore, shall we? Strophe #1 sets the stage
then your speech turns confessional to Him.
Let's quit the line-end commas, using only semi-colons to denote longer pauses.
Line breaks can serve just fine as comma/pauses.




For all I've loved
He won't let me fall;
love so unconditional
love so well-propounded.

God You know me. You see
me; you see right through
me. You stand before me.
You protect me spreading
wings to fly me.

They can't kill me. You're
immortal; they can't hurt
me, immortal too. Thank
You for that. You can touch
me, You're my God!


-----



hth
your PP

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Immortal

When I come to a poem I have not read before I make a point to skip all of the previous commentary.

I don't read the commentary until ten minutes after posting.

Then it's too late for me to revise my posting (and lie) about the poem.

So here's my pure reaction:

-the poem is basically pretty blessed good.
-it has good (ironic) line breaks.
-it's not profound, but then, I don't expect you to see that, you being limited to reading braille bumps and all that.;
or rather, your being banned from this place by now, it seems.

No, despite her numerous provocations, we continue to tolerate the hate-filled goth, in the hope that eventually Jesus' love will bring her to abandon her addictions to firewater and Japanese tentacle pornography and get Saved! Hallelujah!

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

When I come to a poem I have not read before I make a point to skip all of the previous commentary.

I don't read the commentary until ten minutes after posting.

Then it's too late for me to revise my posting (and lie) about the poem.

So here's my pure reaction:

-the poem is basically pretty blessed good.
-it has good (ironic) line breaks.
-it's not profound, but then, I don't expect you to see that, you being limited to reading braille bumps and all that.;
or rather, your being banned from this place by now, it seems.


Crits:

-L2 has a period. It should not have a period.
-Capping all your line-starts gives the poem a poesy-look that today is out of style.

Let me illustrate some suggestions?

See what you think? (more blind staggers humor!)

Let's put God to the fore, shall we? Strophe #1 sets the stage
then your speech turns confessional to Him.
Let's quit the line-end commas, using only semi-colons to denote longer pauses.
Line breaks can serve just fine as comma/pauses.




For all I've loved
He won't let me fall;
love so unconditional
love so well-propounded.

God You know me. You see
me; you see right through
me. You stand before me.
You protect me spreading
wings to fly me.

They can't kill me. You're
immortal; they can't hurt
me, immortal too. Thank
You for that. You can touch
me, You're my God!


-----



hth
your PP

Thank you, Poetic Peter for your honest review, and critiques. I'll confess that that one was written extremely late at night just as I was about to go to bed. It was one of those that just had to get out before it was forgotten with sleep.
If you would like to read some more of my poetry I'd be more than happy to e-mail them to you!
~Guardian of the Blind

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Immortal

Thank you, Poetic Peter for your honest review, and critiques. I'll confess that that one was written extremely late at night just as I was about to go to bed. It was one of those that just had to get out before it was forgotten with sleep.
If you would like to read some more of my poetry I'd be more than happy to e-mail them to you!
~Guardian of the Blind

Stop making excuses, your poetry sucks, that's all there is to it.
Face fact, crybaby.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Immortal

It was one of those that just had to get out before it was forgotten with sleep.
If you would like to read some more of my poetry I'd be more than happy to e-mail them to you!
~Guardian of the Blind

And I will thank you to stop throwing yourself at Brother Peter. No doubt you have heard of his nickname "The Human Tripod", but I wonder if you also know about his strength in the Lord? If faith were a sport, Brother Peter could bench press 2,000 pounds.

This is God's favorite forum, harlot. Stop trying to seduce our Brethren into committing your whoredoms!

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

Zeke, I don't care about any of your guys. I have one right here that I can focus all my energy on... and beat at video games when the fancy strikes me. Sorry, but I'm a one guy girl and that one guy is none of you, thank you very much. So don't call me a whore. Whores get paid and STD's. I get neither money nor diseases... nor pregnant... nor weird lip infections.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Immortal

Zeke, I don't care about any of your guys. I have one right here that I can focus all my energy on... and beat at video games when the fancy strikes me. Sorry, but I'm a one guy girl and that one guy is none of you, thank you very much. So don't call me a whore. Whores get paid and STD's. I get neither money nor diseases... nor pregnant... nor weird lip infections.

Really friend, is this why your' avatar is trying to eye rape every male member of this forum? Frankly friend you've been acting like this forum is some kind of all you can eat man meat buffet since you started posting here. You may not behave that way off-line but we of Landover are perfectly aware of the practice of “cybering” and frankly we do not want the virtual dieses you have acquired in your’ virtual harloting

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

If I were interested in any of you, I'd be showing more signs than you think you see. And frankly I prefer a REAL relationship to a internet one. You can't hug a person on the internet. What many call "cybering" is a just another excuse for people to be twisted and sick.... I, for one, am not that twisted or sick. Now, if you people would stop treating me like a whore, maybe I'll start taking you seriously, maybe. That's a big maybe there.
Now, if you have a problem with my avatar... tough rocks, pal. Axel's staying right where he is. That's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized? Good!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Immortal

If I were interested in any of you, I'd be showing more signs than you think you see.

We don’t think anything harlot. We listen to what Jesus tells us.

And frankly I prefer a REAL relationship to a internet one. You can't hug a person on the internet. What many call "cybering" is a just another excuse for people to be twisted and sick.... I, for one, am not that twisted or sick.

You’re the one who thinks a “realationship” is about writhing around in bed like you’re deranged and not producing children like Jesus wants. You are in no position to call anyone sick or twisted harlot.

Now, if you people would stop treating me like a whore, maybe I'll start taking you seriously, maybe.

Maybe you want to remember who is the guest in whose’ forum? You are only here at our sufferance so we can help you reach SALVATION(tm) (or your' money back). We are as serious as the very fires of Hell about that.

That's a big maybe there.
Now, if you have a problem with my avatar... tough rocks, pal. Axel's staying right where he is. That's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized? Good!

I care how? Axel is not going to SAVE™ anyone from Hell. Only Jesus can.

[Blind leading the blind (On Moderation)]

Re: Immortal

We don’t think anything harlot. We listen to what Jesus tells us.
You think you are seeing signs that I like anyone on this forum. Seeing as how I don't know you and you don't know me....I do not see possibility in this.


You’re the one who thinks a “realationship” is about writhing around in bed like you’re deranged and not producing children like Jesus wants. You are in no position to call anyone sick or twisted harlot.
Funny, Laughing Boy, I'm still a vergin... Now how does that work, pray tell?


Maybe you want to remember who is the guest in whose’ forum? You are only here at our sufferance so we can help you reach SALVATION™ (or your' money back). We are as serious as the very fires of Hell about that.
There's something so very mean that I could say to this but I shall keep my mouth shut. Mainly because Alexander tells me not to be mean.


I care how? Axel is not going to SAVE™ anyone from Hell. Only Jesus can.

No, maybe not. But of course my avatar did nothing to you so why talk about it?