Critical Inputs Forum no.1

[Poetic Peter]

For poets wanting constructive criticisms, to better themselves
in the eyes of God.

-Please try to critique a poem or three for others
for every one you post of your own

[Poetic Peter]

reactions solicited for this unpublished poem

.


Whimsel

affirms to children the value of good cheer

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


Whimsel Brousel, Philosopher—
you've likely never heard of him.
Relatively—figs to Newton,
he was Light
and loved Impossible.

Late one lack of starry night
Whimsel rolled about
in one of his fate's shorter sleeps.

Whimsel's appetite for light
woke up Whimsel gnawing
—jawing him to state aloud
"I'm famished for a snack of light."

So Whimsel Brousel
(wrapped in a towsel)
shumbled to his humble kitchen,
where there stood—
a cupboard

—is it yet clear his story dates
near as old as Mother Hubbard?

In the cupboard Brousel bared:
"Why, not a speck of light's left here."

Whereupon our Whimsel Brousel
laid his towel in the cupboard
and waxed a candle on it there.
"I'll restore my stock of light
by Natural Regenesis."


Hear the children of today
shouting warning,

Beware Whimsel oh oh noooo!


We're so sorry—

Whimsel Brousel cannot hear.
He was deaf you see. Besides,
this was all so long ago,
a cuckoo clock could never count,
nor cuckoo Whimsel ears.

Return there now, now with our Whimsel:
he's glided back to Nodder'Z eezzz.

Thank goodness for inventions—his
nosealarm has just set off:

Ka-choo! Ka-Koff!
rewakes our Whimsel, whooping, whalping:
"Oh my stars! The house! On fire!"

Recall, please, our Whimsel Brousel
lived on loosened light?
This was to be, and how it was,
one very well-fed night.

Not to worry, not a whit
—Whimsel Brousel healed just fine,

and later could be found a'snooze
in our stumped Alder's living-time,
lying on a bed—right here,
of towels, given him by Baptist

children—Whimsel is a well-liked man.

"Joy! ..My new cupboard's never bare.
All the world is in it here above and near
my stars—the days—all lights
delight for me, that I may live for Ever now,
to mind the young, as real as Life,

no-one should be hungered in the Light!"


=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

The author reads Whimsel aloud

http://img371.imageshack.us/my.php?image=sound193yd8.swf

__________


In olden times poetry was almost always an oral form of communication.
Most people were illiterate. Bards communicated stories of Biblical and secular interest by their spoken words.


The item above examples a poem tailored for the ear and not just for the eye. Most poety should be recitable. However, most poetry of today is readable, but not so very recitable--not by intent of the authors, but by their ingnoring the fact that the printed word is assimilated by the brain quite differently than the verbal word.

I would encourage all poets to recite their works to themselves as they compose.
By this means more consistent and better poetry will result.

A handy freeware recorder is found here.

http://www.snapfiles.com/get/swiffrec.html

What good is it?
Well, it converts the sound file into .swf (Flash) form. This file-type can be hosted for free at imageshack.us
You can share audio readings with friends, or with this forum, if you'll be that bold.

Boldness pays. You must be forward to be heard. Therefore, please apply poems to this critical thread. You'll get honest Christian reactions.
You don't want mollycoddling here. Nor do I.

For first-instance, if you don't like Whimsel, for whatever reason, it is requested that you say so.

If you, casual reader, don't feel "qualified" to offer an opinion, I hasten to assure you that
your opinion counts, even if the writer might not agree with your thought.

Anyone may apply a poem to the critical panels.
Anyone may apply criticism to these poems; even if just to say "I don't like it." or "It makes no sense." All inputs, short or long, add to the poet's perspective, and help the poetic make better poems.

Thanks,
Peter

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: reactions solicited for this unpublished poem

.


Whimsel

affirms to children the value of good cheer

I listened to it on a loop, at least 20 times before I realized how pleasantly relaxed I was feeling. What a wonderful betime story. I'm working on a poem about Queet Vashti, but need a nap now.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

The author reads Whimsel aloud
http://img371.imageshack.us/my.php?i...ound193yd8.swf

I wonder that we have a neo-A.A. Milne here.....but what would such a person be doing at Landover?

We doesn't know, does we, Precious!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

Thank you both for the very kind words.

Reader-poets, please apply poems here.
That Whimsel is sort-of-done; I've worked over it for months.

Put up fresh poems please, and let's workshop them together in fine style?




Best, Peter

[Poetic Peter]

de-punctuated truth

life is
good death
is nothing

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: de-punctuated truth

life is
good death
is nothing

Are you one of those goth boys? I'm not getting this death stuff....

[eliot mayfield]

Re: reactions solicited for this unpublished poem

I listened to it on a loop, at least 20 times before I realized how pleasantly relaxed I was feeling. What a wonderful betime story. I'm working on a poem about Queet Vashti, but need a nap now.

Warning! Warning!
This is serious. What is going on here? Sister glenndy using "new age" terms??
Come on people:
Wake up!

Is the word "poetry" in the KJV 161? NO!

I am praying for you all for I fear someone has put some LDS or something in the landover water supply!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

It wasn't my idea to name the form of distilled language
some pansy word like "poetry".

Facts:
Poetry is not prose.
Poetry as a genre starts with verse-form.

The Bible is not prose. It is all in verse.
(I suppose everyone knows this)
Therefore, the entire Bible is in poetry.
All of man's poetry builds from the Bible's example...
and we all know that God wrote the bible.

result:


God is the poetmaster
of every earnest poetaster


What is the meaning of the word, verse?
The word is from the French (ugh.) They say it, vers
They use it the same way we do: for verse-form poetry.

But what is the literal meaning of vers? Colorful
people, those. It is their word for worms

What poetic verse does, is get ideas into our heads in relatively few words,
causing the ideas to domain there,
devouring any preexisting reason or logic that might've been to the contrary.

In a nutshell, in verse,



----
For Eliot

Worms crawl into peoples' heads
not always only when they're dead

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

And that is that. Yes.

Christians who study the Bible,
but who cannot speak or write new thought (inspired by the Bible)
in a form in fair concord with the Bible's fine, poetical style,
cause their very selves to appear suspect on points of grace and veracity.
These Christians infract themselves.


He whose letters read not civil
Minds to others uncouth evil


Here,
I do not quote secular words.
I quote the Bible or I quote myself.

Peter

[Poetic Peter]

Re: de-punctuated truth


de-punctuated truth

life is
good death
is nothing

Are you one of those goth boys? I'm not getting this death stuff....

Hello and thank you Pastor Ezekiel. No, I sure am not a goth-liker.

I suppose the unsettling nature of the six words is in the juxtaposition of "good", "nothing", life;
particulary for the starting out, with a "life is good" expectation.

I suppose these are three words most close to our interests.
what's not good, we tend to think of as bad, or as nothing (but why?)
Another great fear, heard from those who are unsaved, is that death may result in "nothing".

I don't buy that, of course. I think death is good because for me, for you,
death brings everlasting life to we who are saved.

The six words then, for myself, are an affirmation of life and good;
that death is nothing to fear because death never touches a True Christian (TM)

As for a goth? Let his misinterpretation be a mantra for his dark side. I couldn't care.

For an atheist? It looks nihilistic. But that's his problem again and not mine.

I did not slave over the six words.
God wired them into my head.
I'm not so smart as all that.

Thank you Brother


Peter

___________

poets: look for the most powerful words;
the words that excite the most basic feelings in humans.
evoke fear, evoke piety, with even the humble words.

please submit your poetry to this panel for comments

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

I must outource to a pal of mine.

poets: look for the most powerful words;
the words that excite the most basic feelings in humans.
evoke fear, evoke piety, with even the humble words.
-PP

This is my kind of poetry.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

Poetry and Homer go hand in hand!
look at this page!

http://www.gpc.edu/~shale/humanities/literature/world_literature/homer.html

The Homeric Hymns?

The oral tradition?

Rivendell's Homer page?

A guided tour of Homers Greece????


It makes me shudder to think of this. Homerism has no place in a church!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Critical Inputs Forum no.1

Poetry and Homer go hand in hand!
look at this page!

http://www.gpc.edu/~shale/humanities/literature/world_literature/homer.html

The Homeric Hymns?

The oral tradition?

Rivendell's Homer page?

A guided tour of Homers Greece????


It makes me shudder to think of this. Homerism has no place in a church!

I am a guy. I would like hot Sapphic verse better if I were ordering Greek food
for such sinful thoughts.



=Overheard at The Versing Greco Diner=

"Have a plate of Homer Noodles
if I may apply that nick'

to yourself who never puts
his thoughts in order one-tenth stiff

although I must admit your mind
fixates concrete as a brick"