Chimpanzee Border Patrols

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I for one am becoming increasingly frustrated at the Democrats and RINO Republicans in congress that are blocking the funding of Donald Trump's glorious border wall and keeping him from fulfilling his promise to the American people that elected him.

Now we can't entirely blame Trump here, and I would be the first to give him a pass if something more innovative showed up - and certainly if a better idea came along that would save the taxpayers money.

Now here is an idea that shows some promise - chimpanzee border patrols. I have to say this is quite amazing, and it doesn't appear that these chimps will need much training - they probably won't like Mexicans and mooselimbs from the start.

Now I know what you're thinking - and I have to remain a bit skeptical myself, but this deserves a hearing and maybe a trial somewhere to work out the bugs. Certainly we had problems the last time we imported African labor, and one of them wound up becoming president - but as long as Republicans remain in power and able to nominate Supreme Court justices chimpanzees are not likely to get the right to vote.

Chimpanzees do boundary patrolling
Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Chimpanzees who live at the Ngogo site deep within Uganda’s Kibale National Park spend their days foraging and feeding, wrestling and playing, grooming and socializing. But every 10 to 14 days a group of males gathers and moves away from the rest of the group. They form a single-file line as they walk purposefully toward the edge of their territory, eventually striking out into the territory of a neighboring group of chimpanzees. They move in atypical silence, scanning the underbrush and listening for any sign of other chimps. If they encounter a large group of neighboring chimps, and are outnumbered, they flee back to their territory. But if they come across a single chimp from a neighboring group, they attack – surrounding, beating, and jumping on the victim. Some victims are killed outright, others manage to escape, broken, bleeding, and unlikely to survive. Infants are often torn away from female chimpanzees and are killed and cannibalized.

This behavior, known as boundary patrolling, was first observed by Jane Goodall in the 1970’s among chimpanzees at Gombe National Park in Tanzania and has since been observed in many chimpanzee groups that live side-by-side with others, including the Ngogo group. These border patrols have captured the interest of primatologists and the public, not only because of their shocking brutality, but also because they bear a striking resemblance to human warfare. Until recently, primatologists have been unable to definitively explain why chimpanzees participate in border patrols and lethal attacks against their neighbors. But after observing the Ngogo chimpanzee community for 10 years between 1999 and 2009, primatologist John Mitani and a group of researchers have discovered the answer: chimpanzees attack their neighbors in order to expand their territory.

During the 10-year observation period, researchers witnessed the killings of 18 neighboring chimpanzees at the hands of Ngogo males on patrol, and found circumstantial evidence for three more killings. The majority of the Ngogo border patrols, and 13 of the killings, occurred in an area to the northeast of Ngogo territory. These killings represented a staggering loss for the chimpanzee community living in this area. The death rate experienced by these chimpanzees during the 10-year observation period was 23 to 75 times higher than the median death rates experienced by nine other well-studied chimpanzee communities.

. . . .

http://chimpanzeeinformation.blogspot.com/2011/01/chimpanzees-do-boundary-patrolling.html

[Mister Brasil]

Re: Chimpanzee Border Patrols

This is a fantastic idea. I have one concern, which is cost.

Monkey patrollers require living quarters and a large supply of bananas, as well as some kind of supervisor to keep them moving along not-entirely-obvious national borders.

I think there's a good chance that this system could be improved by using trained human laborers in lieu of chimps. Human laborers do not need living space or bananas, and can survive a surprisingly long time off of raw credit card debt. Supervisors are still necessary.

Another good idea would be some kind of "wall" system.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Chimpanzee Border Patrols

I think the economics add up if we import cheap labor to grow the bananas and feed the chimps, however, I am concerned by this:

But after observing the Ngogo chimpanzee community for 10 years between 1999 and 2009, primatologist John Mitani and a group of researchers have discovered the answer: chimpanzees attack their neighbors in order to expand their territory.

Would we want half of northern Mexico?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Chimpanzee Border Patrols

Is it me or is this

But after observing the Ngogo chimpanzee community for 10 years between 1999 and 2009, primatologist John Mitani and a group of researchers have discovered the answer: chimpanzees attack their neighbors in order to expand their territory.

a statement of the blindingly obvious?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Chimpanzee Border Patrols

I see there are a few problems here, but nothing that can't be overcome.

The "ecologists" and "green" types are going to love this - you just plant some trees to provide habitat, and add some banana trees for food and the whole thing becomes "self-sustainable" as the tree huggers like to say. The occasional illegal Mexican or mooselimb terrorist they might come across will add some protein to their diet.

As to the chimps taking over Mexico, we all know you can't drink the water there - so there is only so far they can go before they give up on the idea.