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  • #1

    Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

    Brothers and sisters, Jesus Himself has revealed to me, your beloved Pastor, who the winner of the 2012 Presidential Election will be.

    Note the time and day stamp on this thread. It is impossible that I or anyone could have faked or tampered with this. I am revealing this prophecy to the world 24 hours before there would be any hope of the polls being closed, or results announced. Truly, God is great.


    And without further ado: The winner of the 2012 United States Presidential Election will be, unfortunately, Barack Hussein Obama.


    Project Habakkuk is back on track, Brothers and sisters.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  • #2
    Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

    Only a True Christian™ would be able to accurately predict the future. And you are too modest Pastor. Not only did you post the results 24 hours before the election was over, in your sermon last Sunday you already predicted it as well! I am proud and honored to be a member of Landover Babtist Church where my salvation is guaranteed.

    And all this is just prove that God, and not man, decides our faith: Proverbs 19:21 "There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand." We are nothing but pawns in God's plan.

    So even though Obama will steal these elections and Obama is going to destroy America the next 4 years, I take comfort knowing it's all part of God's plan. Clearly, He wants True Christians(tm) to severely suffer to better prepare us for our eternal salvation in Heaven. Now that Obama will steal the elections again, I cannot wait for Jesus to kill me.
    5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
    To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
    James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

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    • #3
      Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

      The Lord has again revealed His Will through Landover. As Jeremiah spoke of disasters ahead, so does Landover.

      More than half of the country has deserted The Lord and has taken to worshiping at the altar of free medical care, endless welfare and power in the hands of Darkies and queers.

      A bitter harvest is about to be reaped.
      sigpic


      “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

      Author of such illuminating essays as,
      Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

        My father says we are all doomed.

        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
        Project Habakkuk is back on track, Brothers and sisters.
        I ordered the 17 short tons of lemons you asked for. They should be delivered next week.
        I Jesus!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

          Amazing, Pastor. Here's 100% proof that the Holy Spirit is speaking through you. I too was shown this vision back in September.
          Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


          sigpic

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          • #6
            Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

            How can anyone deny that our Pastor Zeke has a direct line to Jesus? All this proof and people still don't believe.
            Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
            in 2016

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Jesus Has Told Me The Winner!

              Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
              How can anyone deny that our Pastor Zeke has a direct line to Jesus? All this proof and people still don't believe.
              Indeed, sister. As the good LORD says,

              Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit
              Matthew 7:17


              Pastor Zeke brings forth naught but good fruit, not a single unChristian characteristic to be found in him, and yet people still don't believe.
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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