Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

I thought I would make this reminder on behalf of the Freehold City Council, the Freehold Police Dept., and Landover Baptist Church. Trick or Treating is an illegal activity as per City Code Statute 149.20B, which says as follows...

"Any person that solicits people door-to-door in a costume or other form of disguise in request for any goods or services with the express threat of performing violence, vandalism, mischief, and/or trickery on said person, will be subject to prosecution under the full court of law."

This means parents can face three months in city jail and juveniles upwards to nine months in juvenile hall, with a fines up to $15,000!

I also want to remind my good vigilant Christian readers that taking the law in your own hands is not the answer. We all remember that unfortunate incident last year when that Satan-worshipping 11 year-old "trick or treater" was dealt a permanent punishment from a vigilant homeowner with a broomstick. Thank God that didn't leak out into the mainstream press (Thanks Freehold P.D.!). Don't take the law in your own hands! Immediately call 911 if you see any trick or treaters at your door or in your neighborhood.

Let's hope this Halloween is free from any deaths, and a safe one.

YIC,

Rev. Jim Osborne

[HTannor]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Excellent reminder, Rev. Jim

Just imagine if this "person" showed up at your door:



I defy anyone to correctly guess what lies underneath that costume- a niglet casing your property for a fast heist?

A messican looking for somewhere to hide from "la migra"?

A chink trying to kidnap your little pets for their next cookout?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Actually Brother HT, it looks a bit like Bobby-Joe after a long horse ride. The wind tends to shred his flowing White Robes of Purity®.

A lot of chores to do today to get ready.
1) Move the Deep Fryer to the second floor porch over the front door.
2) Test/Check/Repair the electric fence.
3) Check the batteries in the Tasers, confirm the output with the help of the field workers.
4) Do not forget to not feed any of the dogs.


Do not forget to 'fall back' with the clocks at midnight.
4)

[lrbailey]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Is there more to that statute? All I see is that its wrong to wear a ski-mask and rob a house. I understand why trick-or-treating isn't allowed but that doesn't clearly define what isn't allowed, unless there is more that you haven't posted. Sorry for being a niggler. Praise God, and Jesus.

[Vavoline Johnson]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Is there more to that statute? All I see is that its wrong to wear a ski-mask and rob a house. I understand why trick-or-treating isn't allowed but that doesn't clearly define what isn't allowed, unless there is more that you haven't posted. Sorry for being a niggler. Praise God, and Jesus.

Lawd hab mercy, what you be doin, stalkin us? Eberytime I turn around you is there, like a haunt! You wanna know one of da reason we don't be allowin no Trick and Treatin? Read bout this here tragedy:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=408362#post408362

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

We all remember that unfortunate incident last year when that Satan-worshipping 11 year-old "trick or treater" was dealt a permanent punishment from a vigilant homeowner with a broomstick.

Were they able to repair his lower intestine, or did he die of sepsis? I never saw a followup.

If he died, I hope he at least saw the error of his ways and came to Jesus.

Is there more to that statute? All I see is that its wrong to wear a ski-mask and rob a house. I understand why trick-or-treating isn't allowed but that doesn't clearly define what isn't allowed, unless there is more that you haven't posted. Sorry for being a niggler. Praise God, and Jesus.

No need to apologize. There is help!

Have you considered Landover's ex-Negro program?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Bumping this as a reminder that this law is still in effect this year! Any new residents, be warned.

Practicing Satanic rituals like Trick or Treating is illegal in both God and the city's eyes!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Bumping this as a reminder that this law is still in effect this year! Any new residents, be warned.

Practicing Satanic rituals like Trick or Treating is illegal in both God and the city's eyes!

I am sure Officer Richards will have words but I want to make it clear that the Pastor's have directed security detail to take a Zero Tolerance for people maliciously trick or treating with in the gated Christian communities. You don't want you kid hanging by his neck from a lamp post after he committed suicide during a citizens arrest or shot in the head during a Second Amendment Rights exercise then keep them off the streets on Halloween! Halloween is a dangerous time and the Security Detail hesitate a second stop anyone who wants to start hurting people.

[HTannor]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Rev. Osborne, I can't thank you enough for this timely reminder. It's been nearly a year since the last "Hell" time and I'd completely overlooked the ban.

As much as I hate to admit it, Jolene, Dotty, Dolly, Roger, Helen, and I were having a brain-stoning storming session in my front room and were planning some amusing costumes to be worn in late October.

Jolene was pretty much settled on going in a Lady GaGa meat costume but was torn between shaved ham and beef jerky. Thankfully she gave up the idea of using some sort of sea food when I pointed out the fishy odor would be a dead-giveaway to her identity.

Dolly and Dotty were pretty sure they wanted to dress as Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore but backed off while deciding which one would be Demi, who is clearly older than Ashton. They settled on Laurel and Hardy, but are now fighting over who is going as the tubbo.

Roger had decided to go as a mime. Skippy, his companion monkey, will pretend to feel the walls.

I, myself, had settled upon going as Rush Limbaugh, but am worried whether I can score enough Oxycontin to make my appearance authentic.

Helen – oh, no Rev. Rodimer, I forgot to let you know she showed up with Rosa’s pies, and I will fill you in later – had decided she would go along as a trailer-park-trash Christine O’Donnell (ah, but I repeat myself). She planned to carry a laptop with Christine’s anti-masturbation message set on “loop.”


Oh, well, as they say, the best laid plans of mice of men. I will gather the group tonight and explain the problem we are facing.

I’m thinking we may just go with a quiet little prayer meeting that night. “The girls” will be subservient to Roger and I, as noted in the Bible.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Is it OK to lock the little bastards tikes in the water boarding room basement until help arrives?

[Shela Tansper]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

I wish it was illegal round here, the shops are banned from selling flour and eggs to anyone under 16 but they still get thrown at houses. I suppose i am lucky living off the beaten track and to far for parents to drag their kids to beg for sweets but i think i will put the electric fence on anyway.

[HTannor]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Well, Shela, I'm glad you finally posted an image considerably more attractive than your previous one.

I'm sure your husband is more pleased than with how you presented yourself before. And here, I'm thinking of an uncomfortably too close image to that singer, something or other, Boyle.

I mean an angelic voice is one thing, but the face going with it is, shall we say, fugly, and certainly "turns my volume down."

You would now be a fine addition to our trailer park, and, dare I say it, Jolene, Dotty, Dolly, and Skippy, the monkey, would be jealous.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

Helen – oh, no Rev. Rodimer, I forgot to let you know she showed up with Rosa’s pies, and I will fill you in later – had decided she would go along as a trailer-park-trash Christine O’Donnell (ah, but I repeat myself). She planned to carry a laptop with Christine’s anti-masturbation message set on “loop.”

I would have thought Helen would have chosen one of O'Donnell's anti-gay messages instead. She used to operate her own ex-gay ministry, "Helen's HomeRepair". Get it? Homer-Repair. (She's not a marketing whiz, OK?)

Whenever a single man would call up asking her to come fix a faucet or hang drapes for him, she knew she had one on the line and would go right to work to convert him by any means necessary!

How were the pies? She didn't, er, name them, did she? It's an odd habit of hers, naming her pies after the people who . . . um, who most recently made an impression on her.

[HTannor]

Re: Reminder: Trick or Treating is ILLEGAL in Freehold!

How were the pies? She didn't, er, name them, did she? It's an odd habit of hers, naming her pies after the people who . . . um, who most recently made an impression on her.

Well, as a matter of fact, she did have them named.

The one called "Sarah" was a meat pie. A bit salty, but easily overcome with a refreshing can of Old Milwaukee on the side. I gave Skippy a little taste but then he passed gas and it smelled faintly of moose.

Clearly a winner was the shallow pan pie named Michelle. A hint of nuttiness, but the flakiness of the crust more than made up for the lack of depth.

A bit of a puzzle, the Rodimer's Revenge had me running to the bathroom midway through the first slice. Was there any possibility Rosa used imported water from Mexico during the preparations?