[Carl the wop]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

My traps are set for tonight. My bonfire of the inanities will be gloriously fueled with the rotting flesh of these wicked wiccans.

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I've been very busy recently securing my land against the vermin and setting traps. However I believe one of them cast a spell of some sort on my Internet connection. The accesspoint to my home was destroyed and it took over a week for an engineer to remove the burnt out gunge from the wall cavity and restore my access.

In saying that as well as providing a bountiful harvest, the Lord has armed me to the teeth this year. I've already capture some Homer Leprechauns (See picture 1) and their tallywackers are in the post for examination. I have also bagged me a lesbie witch (See Picture 2), There were 2 of them initially the one in te red was trying to mount my plough horse and I'm not sure she was using him to plough.

Pic 1 - Homogay Leprechauns


Pic 2 - Lesbie Witches (The one in the Blue got away)

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I'm having another excellent year. As always, I never reveal my methods, but let's just say that I've already got buckets and buckets of witch cooters waiting for the judge to examine.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I was wondering why my damn traps were so expensive this year!!! I accidentally ordered the wrong size (I put the next door neighbors kid in the middle for scale).

Do you think I can still use them? With that said, can I borrow someones back ho to haul these around?

Scale? Looks like the perfect bait to me.

The parents aren't Christians, right?

I got two more in my traps this morning. This is soo much more fun than the "Witch Dunking Booth" at the carnival!



I'm not sure why people insist on using guns, though. I prefer a lower-tech method.

[John Creeser]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I was wondering why my damn traps were so expensive this year!!! I accidentally ordered the wrong size (I put the next door neighbors kid in the middle for scale).

Do you think I can still use them? With that said, can I borrow someones back ho to haul these around?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

They kept yelling and screaming about being a group of forest inspectors researching weird noises,

"Forest Inspectors"?

Did they have badges, too?



Disgusting.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

Not being blessed with living in Freehold, I can only hunt witness to witches within the law of godless Suffolk.

Why only yesterday, to show transatlantic support for your endeavors, I personally butchered prayed with twenty nine witches. All of them are now buried in shallow graves shriven in the blood of the Lamb of God.

Praise Him!

YBIC

[Carl the wop]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I set out some brooms with axle grease on them. Found 5 unconscious witches outside my door this morning. Some boiling water took care of them.. I may use their ashes in my fire pit for seasoning..

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I got a nice catch in addition to my previous catches. 3 witches were captured by my bear traps at once after which I finished them all off with a head shot. They kept yelling and screaming about being a group of forest inspectors researching weird noises, which proves once more witches are dirty liars who will say anything to escape their well deserved fate.

I have seen Pastor Ezekiel's new Gatling gun in action now. It wastes a lot of bullets, I prefer 1 bullet 1 witch myself, but it certainly is effective. Our Pastor actually beheaded a few witches in mid air with it.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

My traps were mighty productive last night! I got seven witches, some stoned hippie, two coyotes, and the head of a squirrel! (I don't know what happened to the rest of the squirrel.)

I've agreed (after much lobbying from PETA, including the attempted torching of Widow Helen) to a "catch and release" program. It was hard, but after much soul-searching I released the hippie and the two coyotes.

One of the coyotes promptly ate the squirrel head and nearly half of a witch. At least there's enough left to claim the capture.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

Friend, the Witch Hunt at Freehold began years ago with a known coven of witches in the woods outside of town. Once that land was annexed into Freehold (the witches never checked their mail and didn't see the public notices), the witches were hunted down on Halloween, their most holy night.

Nowadays, the woods are "stocked" with witches which have been imported. Last year, the folks at Landover cleverly advertised for witches for "Survivor: Iowa".

Nobody won.

We have no need to convince witches to reveal themselves. Have you never heard of "Wiccans"? They proudly declare themselves to be witches!

Why waste time trying to get a shy witch to admit something, when you just need to look at bumper stickers or place a personals ad to find dozens throwing themselves before you, proclaiming themselves the servants of Satan?

How true, Brother Reverend, how true!

Witches are literally gasping to be found, and I seek out many wizards besides, often those offering to "vanish" a coin, or "see" a card trick. They are minions of the evil one.

Those who submit to their unholy charms pass beyond the pail.

Often I have held onto a witch, feeling my life blood throb away into her, or him. But I have persevered, my Brethren, always.

Praise Him!

YBIC

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

This is most illuminating. Do you favour the bow, gun, curare dart or physical combat? So many ways to hunt a witch! Forgive me, for it is my pet subject.

The trapping of the witch is perhaps more satisfying spiritual, than their eventual slaying conversion. A combination of body odor, sulphur, ripe soft cheese and tannin provides the perfect lure. (There are, of course, other Godly ingredients, the identity of which I will not reveal.)

Witches will often deny that they are witches. Toying with them may provide some amusement indication of the depth of their mendacity. The next stage of torture calling in a trained counsellor, is always advised.

Death Recovery will be slow and painful.

Praise Him!

YBIC

Friend, the Witch Hunt at Freehold began years ago with a known coven of witches in the woods outside of town. Once that land was annexed into Freehold (the witches never checked their mail and didn't see the public notices), the witches were hunted down on Halloween, their most holy night.

Nowadays, the woods are "stocked" with witches which have been imported. Last year, the folks at Landover cleverly advertised for witches for "Survivor: Iowa".

Nobody won.

We have no need to convince witches to reveal themselves. Have you never heard of "Wiccans"? They proudly declare themselves to be witches!

Why waste time trying to get a shy witch to admit something, when you just need to look at bumper stickers or place a personals ad to find dozens throwing themselves before you, proclaiming themselves the servants of Satan?

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

Here you go:

My traps are set up, but nothing yet . . . of course, the captured witches haven't yet been released.

That happens on the 31st, when True Christians(tm) make Halloween the scariest night of the year . . . to be a witch!

This is most illuminating. Do you favour the bow, gun, curare dart or physical combat? So many ways to hunt a witch! Forgive me, for it is my pet subject.

The trapping of the witch is perhaps more satisfying spiritual, than their eventual slaying conversion. A combination of body odor, sulphur, ripe soft cheese and tannin provides the perfect lure. (There are, of course, other Godly ingredients, the identity of which I will not reveal.)

Witches will often deny that they are witches. Toying with them may provide some amusement indication of the depth of their mendacity. The next stage of torture calling in a trained counsellor, is always advised.

Death Recovery will be slow and painful.

Praise Him!

YBIC

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

What date does it start on again? I had a few in my sights yesterday but I didn't want to break any rules, so I let them live. I am tracking them though, I just want to get a head start on the veterans here.

Here you go:

The season officially opens on October 24th this year, in honor of the satanic holiday "United Nations Day."

In order to get credit for the kill, you need to present the witch's ear or cooter to the judges (hand picked by yours truly). Wizard tallywhackers will, as is traditional in Freehold, be sold to the injuns of Papua New Guinea for soup, with the proceeds going to the Pastor's General Fund.

My traps are set up, but nothing yet . . . of course, the captured witches haven't yet been released.

That happens on the 31st, when True Christians(tm) make Halloween the scariest night of the year . . . to be a witch!

[Liam the ex-drunk]

Re: 2012 Witch Hunt!

I'll be trapping in the "trap zone".

This year, I'm switching from bear traps to wolf traps. Last year, all I got was half a dozen feet.

What date does it start on again? I had a few in my sights yesterday but I didn't want to break any rules, so I let them live. I am tracking them though, I just want to get a head start on the veterans here.