[Brother_Mike]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Awww man...I gotta wait till Saturday? We could always go to Bible Study together, I don't break out in cold sweats or vomit anymore at the sight of a Bible, so I think that would be perfect!

With all her love,
Moon

PS - you only bought one pass for me??

Well I'm at Bible Study when I'm not out hunting vermin or ministering to homers you know where to find me

I'll see if any of the homers I minister to have any cash on them, I might be able to buy you another pass to come to Church. Unless you have an extra $400 on you.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

she is part Venezuelan.

[MoonFlower]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

she is part Venezuelan.

I though I was..... Cuban

[Brother_Mike]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Brother Mike, forewarned is forearmed. When Moon was my daughter we did some DNA testing and (makes sure no one is listening)

she is part Venezuelan.

Ewwwwww...

She will have to tithe extra for that.

[MoonFlower]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

Well I'm at Bible Study when I'm not out hunting vermin or ministering to homers you know where to find me

I'll see if any of the homers I minister to have any cash on them, I might be able to buy you another pass to come to Church. Unless you have an extra $400 on you.

Hunting?.... As long as I don't see them dead, it's ok. I'll pass by the church. I'd hate for you to have to borrow money from the homers...or ME. Don't you worry your cute little TC head...I'll show up and bring food so we could have a little picnic.

With all her love,
Moon

Ewwwwww...

She will have to tithe extra for that.

[Brother_Mike]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian(tm) Wife

See you there

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I just thought I would bump this thread. I've seen a lot of unsaved whores on the board lately and I'm sure they could use this information.

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Poison__x]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

Like I've said a million and one times before...I SHAVE ALL MY BODY HAIR (except for my head) TO PREVENT FLEAS. And, just in case you haven'ty heard...I TITHE TO LANDOVER EVERY SUNDAY (if not Pa'daddy will come to my Sycamore and beat me silly).

So, now that I tithe AND shave, what's my next move Mikey? I'm already going to start my Bible Studies™ ® and Healings™ ® with Lar baby.

Moon

Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

Ewww you get fleas in your body hair? EW.

Anyways, any woman who thinks like this is degrading herself.

Yeah.. I suppose you want women to be masculine looking, buff, and hairy all over:
So you cannot notice that it's actually a woman and not a man unless she takes off her clothes.
Jesus pukes at your depravity!

Gender confusion is straight from satan!

[Poison__x]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.

Notice that Mr Salvation wrote ...

Jesus pukes at your depravity!

Jesus pukes first ... we puke later ... that's because we try to do everything Jesus wants, just as He wrote it in the Bible ...

[Seeker]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

A good Wife KNOWS her place!

And remember, a good spanking or slap upside of the head maybe required to keep her in line.



Ladies, please post your ideas and comments on what makes YOU a good True Christian™ Wife.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

This is great! I know God has almost perfected me in this area. I do most of these things and a little extra. I pretty much starve myself to make sure the kids and darling husband are fed before me. I even put his dinner on his plate and serve it to him and open his pop. I insist that he never learns how to use a microwave. After all, his day was way harder than mine. I make sure he has all 50 remotes close by his hands with his dinner. After that I clean up the kitchen while I throw a scrap of food in my mouth, I rub his feet and make sure his clothes are layed out for the next day.

I know not to talk first because no matter the good or the bad that happened in my day - his day was way more important and can always top my stories off! After he is done punching the clock it is his right to kick back and do what he wants. My job is only 24 hours a day with no break. It is even okay if he goes out with the guys a couple times a week. I just need to make sure I have dinner ready and warmed up at midnight when he comes home. I always need to be ready whenever he is in the mood. That would be 24/7 and that is scriptual because one of those books in the bible said that the women's body is not her own.

It is pretty simple really. It is just learning how to communicate and listen to the needs of your husband. Who cares about me. I am Proverbs 31 woman and damn proud. Any questions?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I didn't say there was something wrong with shaving, in fact, I prefer it. I simply was commenting that you have low personal hygiene if you get fleas in your body hair.

She is a wiccan and part-Venezuelan to boot. Those people don't know what hygiene is.

I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.

Praise! It is a fact that in Iran and North Korea, all the men are forced to do the washing-up all day long. Men who voluntarily do housework are traitors to America and Freedom.

[Sister Noddy]

Re: How to be a Good True Christian™ Wife

I'm proud to say that I've never even sliced an apple. Never made a pot of coffee. Never even picked up a broom, except to confiscate them during our annual witch hunt.

Good for you, Pastor Zeke! After all, you have so many important and Godly activities planned for your day, you would hardly have time for the lowly tasks of everyday life.

Which proves conclusively that I am NOT gay.

Of course you're not, Pastor, who in their right minds would even think such a thing!