[Brother Temperance]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Go back and re-read the post - we DON'T WANT any.

Does it not bother you that, when you're dead and gone, you'll have left behind no little soldiers for Christ to slaughter ragheads in your memory?

And your concern regarding the level of meaning in my life is touching, but unnecessary. My life is quite fulfilling, thanks.

You just claimed not to have any children, and now you say your life is quite fulfilling. At least try and be consistent.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

This is the most evil thread I have seen here in God's favorite forum! I hope my husband Elmer doesn't see it because it mocks his own thread in the Promise Enforcers forum. Someone, please remove this thread and assign warning points to the member who started it - in Jesus' name, I command thee. CONCERNED GLENDORA

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

This brings to mind something I was sent :

Man® instruction manual


CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR decision to choose a Man®. Your investment should give you a lifetime of pleasure and trouble-free operation. Please read these instructions carefully before use.

Warnings
* Never overfill your Man®. Overfilling can affect both the appearance and speed of your Man® and may lessen its operating life.
* Do not attempt to seal the ventilation openings on your Man®. The regular emission of toxic odours is an important safety feature built into your Man®. It is not considered a malfunction under your warranty.
* For optimum operation, you should give your Man® a regular and thorough servicing.
Getting started
* Try to keep your Man® upright while getting him into the house. Use no hooks, as he may initially be commitment phobic. Place on a cushioned surface before attempting to turn on. Stand well back.
* Contents may have settled during transportation. Actual size may vary.
Older models
* Do not attempt to jump-start older models. Firmly grasp working parts and first check pressure is adequate. Allow to warm up slowly. If Man® remains stalled, you may need to change your settings. For a start, you may be in the wrong gear. Consider changing into something pink and frilly.
Initial use
* Your Man® has a durable outer casing but it is highly sensitive to knocks. Even gentle knocking can seriously distort the settings on the ego panel. To reset, approach the ego and stroke firmly. Compliment your Man® on the attractiveness of his durable outer casing. Proffer a jar of olives, the lid of which he may care to prise open with a manly laugh. Sigh admiringly when this is done. Next, repeat the steps listed in "Getting Started". In most cases, you'll find your Man® will now virtually turn himself on.
Ongoing use
* Do not leave your Man® turned on in a public place, especially when you intend to leave him unattended. Malfunction in these circumstances is not covered by your guarantee.
* Your Man® will perform best if given one task at a time. THIS PRODUCT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR MULTI-TASKING.
* Product may contain nuts. Choose carefully as the returns counter at Man® Incorporated often features lengthy queues.
Maintenance
* To clean your Man®, immerse daily in warm water and remove any scuff marks with a soft cloth.
* Tougher stains, especially those consequent to his employment in the workforce, may be rubbed away using a solution of alcohol, applied nightly, usually just after 6 o'clock.
* Act cautiously whenever detaching your Man® from the household power. Remember if not given occasional access to at least a feeling of power, your Man® may become run-down and difficult to handle.
Waivers and exclusions
* Your Man® is not a reliable source of fashion advice. Man® Incorporated, its agents or representatives are not responsible for any losses or humiliations consequent to your reliance on fashion advice given by your Man®. WARNING: Your Man® cannot spot any difference whatsoever between the first dress you tried on and the fourth one, despite the way he enthusiastically backs up your view that "the fourth one is by far the best".
* Your Man® cannot be expected to stop and ask for directions when driving. Customers should remember that the Earth is round, so you will arrive at your destination eventually. HE DOES NOT NEED YOUR ADVICE ON HIS DRIVING METHODS. Your Man® comes with perfect eyesight but may find it difficult to locate small items around the house, such as his wallet and keys. This is not considered a fault under your warranty. According to information supplied by your Man®, he suspects that you are deliberating hiding his stuff every morning.
A final word
* Use your Man® properly and only for what it is intended and you will enjoy years of rugged, safe and dependable service - service only available from the happy folks here at Man®. Enjoy!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

This brings to mind something I was sent :
* Never overfill your Man®. Overfilling can affect both the appearance and speed of your Man® and may lessen its operating life.

This just shows how sick and filthy you feminazis are. A decent Christian woman would recognise that she is supposed to wait patiently for her man to "fill" her once a month or so, not strap on some vile pagan idol and "fill" the poor chap senseless in a hateful unChristian imitation of a he-queer!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

This just shows how sick and filthy you feminazis are. A decent Christian woman would recognise that she is supposed to wait patiently for her man to "fill" her once a month or so, not strap on some vile pagan idol and "fill" the poor chap senseless in a hateful unChristian imitation of a he-queer!

Uhh, this just shows that someone has a one-track mind!
It's referring to feeding, not strap-on sex play.

[roserougesang]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Uhh, this just shows that someone has a one-track mind!
It's referring to feeding, not strap-on sex play.

*sigh* And the men here are supposed to be so godly...

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Uhh, this just shows that someone has a one-track mind!
It's referring to feeding, not strap-on sex play.

So what were you planning on feeding your husband to?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

So what were you planning on feeding your husband to?

Not that kind of feeding, you silly man! Feeding as in cooking for. As in wife cooking for husband. Baking pies and such. I thought you people were all for that sort of thing.

*sigh* And the men here are supposed to be so godly...

Just watch, they'll soon be accusing us of having the filthy minds and trying to corrupt them!
That's xtian hypocrisy for ya...

[Elmer Christianson]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

I'm thinking men could use something attached to their right arm, so they can keep sassy women (like a few I know) in-line!

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Does it not bother you that, when you're dead and gone, you'll have left behind no little soldiers for Christ to slaughter ragheads in your memory?

Not in the slightest. And I wouldn't want anyone slaughtered in my memory.

You just claimed not to have any children, and now you say your life is quite fulfilling. At least try and be consistent.

It is possible to have a fulfilling life without children. We do what we want, when we want, and no worries about getting a sitter if we want to go somewhere that isn't kid-friendly.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

I'm thinking men could use something attached to their right arm, so they can keep sassy women (like a few I know) in-line!

Ummm....isn't that a.......never mind.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Not in the slightest. And I wouldn't want anyone slaughtered in my memory.

Not even Arabs? What's wrong with you?

It is possible to have a fulfilling life without children. We do what we want, when we want, and no worries about getting a sitter if we want to go somewhere that isn't kid-friendly.

Friend, your posts suggest that you're attempting to live without either Jesus or children. I can't understand how you've not killed yourself yet. And what's this selfish stuff about wanting to go somewhere that isn't kid-friendly? As a woman, the number of places you need to go that aren't the kitchen, bedroom, or Church can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Not even Arabs? What's wrong with you?

Nothing wrong with me.

Friend, your posts suggest that you're attempting to live without either Jesus or children. I can't understand how you've not killed yourself yet.

Why in the world would I kill myself? I thoroughly enjoy my life.

And what's this selfish stuff about wanting to go somewhere that isn't kid-friendly? As a woman, the number of places you need to go that aren't the kitchen, bedroom, or Church can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Just a few examples:
We like to go hear live music and dance. Many of the bands we like play in bars or casinos. Bars and casinos don't allow children.
Sometimes we want to see a movie or a play that would not be appropriate for small children. The movie "The Departed," for example, or the play "Gloria Duplex." A child would be frightened by "The Departed" and wouldn't understand "Gloria Duplex."
Sometimes we go to parties that last into the wee hours of the morning. No need to worry about a sitter.
Sometimes I take night classes. No need to worry about a sitter if they happen to be on a night when hubby is working. Sometimes hubby takes night classes. No need to worry about a sitter if both of us have a class on the same night.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Why in the world would I kill myself?

Friend, just reading your posts is enough to make me pray for JESUS to call me home right now. Living inside your head 24/7 must be unbearable.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

Friend, just reading your posts is enough to make me pray for JESUS to call me home right now. Living inside your head 24/7 must be unbearable.

Go for it.