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  • Old Iron Crotch
    SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
    • May 2007
    • 3056

    #1

    Enhancements Jesus Would Like

    A back limber enough to pick his own dirty clothes off the floor.

    Legs strong enough to carry him to the refrigerator to get his own beer.

    The mental acuity to figure out what those knobs on the stove do.
    Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78556

    #2
    Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

    You are one unholy demoness, aren't you! None of the things you listed are Manly activities. Haven't you ever even read the Bible?
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • Old Iron Crotch
      SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
      • May 2007
      • 3056

      #3
      Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      You are one unholy demoness, aren't you! None of the things you listed are Manly activities. Haven't you ever even read the Bible?

      What's unmanly about carrying your own dirty clothes to the laundry room? Do you even know where the laundry room is?

      How does getting your own beer make you effeminate? If you're feeling insecure, you can always display your masculinity by opening bottled beers with your teeth, and crushing the empties from canned beers against your forehead.

      And I promise you that you won't grow breasts if you turn on a stove burner to boil water for coffee once in a while.
      Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

      Comment

      • Rachael Van Helsing
        HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
        • Sep 2006
        • 5131

        #4
        Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

        They hear ya. And you can be certain that they don't care.
        sigpic
        Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

        Comment

        • Talitha
          Deaconess
          Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
          True Christian™
          • May 2026
          • 15118

          #5
          Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

          Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
          What's unmanly about carrying your own dirty clothes to the laundry room? Do you even know where the laundry room is?

          How does getting your own beer make you effeminate? If you're feeling insecure, you can always display your masculinity by opening bottled beers with your teeth, and crushing the empties from canned beers against your forehead.

          And I promise you that you won't grow breasts if you turn on a stove burner to boil water for coffee once in a while.
          Jesus does not expect our True Christian™ Men to know where the Kitchen is, let alone a Laundry Room.
          Have you never heard of a woman's Work?
          You need a good Slap from your Man and a few lessons in how a Woman should behave from one of our Pastors; Who, I am sure, would only be too willing to oblige for the right price person.
          The bit about growing Breasts........... well, you only have to look at the Moobs on some Atheist Men to see how wrong your argument is.
          Praise The Lord for our True Christian™ Men and their manly Chests and Six-Packs.

          Sister Talitha

          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



          Comment

          • Old Iron Crotch
            SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
            • May 2007
            • 3056

            #6
            Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

            Originally posted by Sister Talitha View Post
            Jesus does not expect our True Christian™ Men to know where the Kitchen is, let alone a Laundry Room.
            Have you never heard of a woman's Work?

            I've heard of that out-dated notion. Unless he's in a body cast, there is no good reason that a man should no be expected to pick his own dirty clothes up off the floor, and take his own dirty dishes to the kitchen.

            You need a good Slap from your Man and a few lessons in how a Woman should behave from one of our Pastors; Who, I am sure, would only be too willing to oblige for the right price person.

            I hit back.

            The bit about growing Breasts........... well, you only have to look at the Moobs on some Atheist Men to see how wrong your argument is.
            Praise The Lord for our True Christian™ Men and their manly Chests and Six-Packs.
            If a guy has moobs, it's because he's not getting enough exercise. A few deep knees bends to pick his clothes up off the floor and daily laps to and from the laundry room would do him some good.
            Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

            Comment

            • Bobby-Joe
              Landover Security Superviser
              Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
              NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 18405

              #7
              Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

              Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
              If a guy has moobs, it's because he's not getting enough exercise. A few deep knees bends to pick his clothes up off the floor and daily laps to and from the laundry room would do him some good.
              Why not have the guy put on a frilly dress doing ballet in public since it might do him some good? There is certainly nothing directly harmful to a man if he were to prancing around in a pink tights shouting out in a falsetto “I am a little tea cup”. It certainly would be a good aerobic work out even it is a virtual castration.

              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

              Hot Must ReadThreads!


              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

              Comment

              • Old Iron Crotch
                SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                • May 2007
                • 3056

                #8
                Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                Why not have the guy put on a frilly dress doing ballet in public since it might do him some good? There is certainly nothing directly harmful to a man if he were to prancing around in a pink tights shouting out in a falsetto “I am a little tea cup”. It certainly would be a good aerobic work out even it is a virtual castration.

                If he wants to, it's no skin off my nose. As long as when he takes it off, he brings it to the laundry room instead of leaving it on the floor.
                Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                Comment

                • Bobby-Joe
                  Landover Security Superviser
                  Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                  NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 18405

                  #9
                  Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                  Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                  If he wants to, it's no skin off my nose. As long as when he takes it off, he brings it to the laundry room instead of leaving it on the floor.
                  If this is how you treat your husband your lack of compassion is truely chilling.

                  Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                  Hot Must ReadThreads!


                  Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                  Comment

                  • Brother V
                    True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 3481

                    #10
                    Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                    Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                    If he wants to, it's no skin off my nose. As long as when he takes it off, he brings it to the laundry room instead of leaving it on the floor.
                    Someday you may find someone that you love, instead of feeling like you are in a competition with that person.

                    Until then, you will continually shout at the top of your lungs "we are equal".

                    Friend, when you love someone enough, the clothes won't be on the floor, because when you took his socks off, you put them into the laundry basket yourself.

                    Why am I reminded of this story?

                    Luke 7:38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.


                    Friend, that's love there. True LOVE.

                    Until you can stop thinking that you can do anything as good as a man, and decide that instead, there's nothing you won't do for your man, you will never be happy with a man. Conversely, the man will probably be happy to do things for you too, like PROVIDE!!!

                    PRAISE JESUS!!!

                    YIC
                    V
                    Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                    Comment

                    • Old Iron Crotch
                      SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                      • May 2007
                      • 3056

                      #11
                      Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                      Originally posted by Brother V View Post
                      Someday you may find someone that you love, instead of feeling like you are in a competition with that person.

                      Until then, you will continually shout at the top of your lungs "we are equal".

                      Actually,I have someone that I love, and we treat each other as equals.

                      Friend, when you love someone enough, the clothes won't be on the floor, because when you took his socks off, you put them into the laundry basket yourself.

                      He's a grown man, and is perfectly capapble of dressing and undressing himself. When he injured his rotator cuff a while back, I helped him with his shoes and socks because it was painful for him to bend and stretch his arm to put them on. I don't object to helping him out when he's in pain, but there's no reason for a healthy man to expect someone else to dress and undress him.

                      Why am I reminded of this story?

                      Luke 7:38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.

                      Friend, that's love there. True LOVE.

                      If his feet are sore, I'm willing to massage them after he washes them.

                      Until you can stop thinking that you can do anything as good as a man, and decide that instead, there's nothing you won't do for your man, you will never be happy with a man. Conversely, the man will probably be happy to do things for you too, like PROVIDE!!!

                      PRAISE JESUS!!!

                      YIC
                      V
                      We both have jobs, we both provide income, we both do housework, we both do yardwork, we both cook. I'd give my life to save his, and he would do the same for me, but I don't expect him to pick up my dirty socks, and he doesn't expect me to pick up his.
                      Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                      Comment

                      • Brother V
                        True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 3481

                        #12
                        Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                        Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                        We both have jobs, we both provide income, we both do housework, we both do yardwork, we both cook. I'd give my life to save his, and he would do the same for me, but I don't expect him to pick up my dirty socks, and he doesn't expect me to pick up his.
                        What kind of a "man" doesn't make enough money for his woman to stay home and raise the kids?

                        It's kind of funny, as I'm thinking about how an "equal" relationship goes. From what I see, the woman just sits around complaining that she can do anything a man can do, and then has the man open the car door, pay for dinner at the restaurant, pay for the tickets to the movie, buy the popcorn, soda, raisinettes... open the car door, then during the drive back complain about how the maiden in the film wouldn't do anything for herself.

                        Why don't you try this, pamper your man. Pick up his dirty socks. Get him a beer BEFORE he asks for it. Make him something nice for dinner.

                        You seem to be worried about being perceived as an equal. See what kind of things you wind up getting when you do those nice things for him.

                        What does your man do to earn his income?

                        What do you do?
                        Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                        Comment

                        • Old Iron Crotch
                          SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                          • May 2007
                          • 3056

                          #13
                          Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                          Originally posted by Brother V View Post
                          What kind of a "man" doesn't make enough money for his woman to stay home and raise the kids?

                          He and I have no children, nor do we want any.

                          It's kind of funny, as I'm thinking about how an "equal" relationship goes. From what I see, the woman just sits around complaining that she can do anything a man can do, and then has the man open the car door, pay for dinner at the restaurant, pay for the tickets to the movie, buy the popcorn, soda, raisinettes... open the car door, then during the drive back complain about how the maiden in the film wouldn't do anything for herself.

                          We open our own car doors. If one of us has full hands, the other opens the doors. We take turns paying for outings, and we split the household bills.

                          Why don't you try this, pamper your man. Pick up his dirty socks. Get him a beer BEFORE he asks for it. Make him something nice for dinner.

                          If I go to get a beer for myself, I'll ask if he wants one. When it's my turn to cook, I make nice dinners for the both of us. I'm not picking up after him.

                          You seem to be worried about being perceived as an equal. See what kind of things you wind up getting when you do those nice things for him.

                          I have everything I want from him - I have his love and his respect.

                          What does your man do to earn his income?

                          What do you do?
                          We both work.
                          Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                          Comment

                          • Brother Temperance
                            Senior Usher
                            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                            A very nice young man
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 15621

                            #14
                            Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                            Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                            He and I have no children, nor do we want any.
                            What kind of a man can't even manage to impregnate his own wife? Did you marry a Jew or something?
                            We open our own car doors. If one of us has full hands, the other opens the doors. We take turns paying for outings, and we split the household bills.
                            When you're afflicted with the curse of Eve, does he stuff some filthy cotton device down his pants in solidarity?
                            If I go to get a beer for myself, I'll ask if he wants one. When it's my turn to cook, I make nice dinners for the both of us. I'm not picking up after him.
                            In case you hadn't noticed, you're female. When is it ever not your turn to cook?
                            I have everything I want from him - I have his love and his respect.
                            But do you have his orders? Without the active guidance of your man, it sounds like you're living a pretty futile existence.
                            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                            Comment

                            • Old Iron Crotch
                              SATAN'S FAVORITE BONIFIED PERVERT!
                              • May 2007
                              • 3056

                              #15
                              Re: Male Enhancements Jesus Would Like

                              Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
                              What kind of a man can't even manage to impregnate his own wife? Did you marry a Jew or something?

                              Go back and re-read the post - we DON'T WANT any.

                              When you're afflicted with the curse of Eve, does he stuff some filthy cotton device down his pants in solidarity?

                              Menopause, dear.

                              In case you hadn't noticed, you're female. When is it ever not your turn to cook?

                              When it's his turn to cook.

                              But do you have his orders? Without the active guidance of your man, it sounds like you're living a pretty futile existence.
                              I don't take orders, and he doesn't give them. We both prefer it that way. If he wants me to do something, he asks me, and most of the time, I do what he asks. If I want him to do something, I ask him, and most of the time, he does what I ask. And your concern regarding the level of meaning in my life is touching, but unnecessary. My life is quite fulfilling, thanks.
                              Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

                              Comment

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