true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

[Petal]

i be in my basements for days an days nows, wiv my bibles an my oldin computer an some crummy sorta ok programmin softwares, cuz lord God spoked to me an he saids cuz my true Christain logicks were bible-baseds, i be anoinnteds to write liddle programs for his glory, it true! but he also saids the anoinntin gonna run out when next i have my unclean times i so ashameds , cuz he not want no crabby an bloated codes

here be a liddle somethang i wroted to see what the answer would be even tho i new what the answer would be anyways, cuz every true Christain is a '10', an every catlick = big fat 0





here be another, the codes not work for unsaveds folk cuz only a true Christain can get a computer to replys them nattural langooages even when it not askeds to, an i no that cuz my computer yappity-yap-yap-yap to me all the times even when it not switched on






an here be my most anoinnteds code, cuz there be alotta thangs in it which make no good sense to unsaveds folk like addin them text strings an intigers an stuff an gettin a true answers but it worked, it true cuz lord God pored his blessin into my brains an into my computer, it be his logicks an it like that evil ole Miss.Pat benetar once saids 'hell is for catlicks' an everyone else who not saveds

[Talitha]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

I think Jesus will be smiling on you for your hard work Petal.

[Larry Lee]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

Petal, Indeed you have been in your basement prayer closet for a long time. But it was worth it! Your applications will perform beautifully on the new JesOS(tm) Operating System. Praise God!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

Amazing code Sister Petal. We were worried about you since we were hearing rumors that all you did all day was baptize kittens and then play with your' little toy steam locomotive. The reduction in numbers of stray cats in Freehold seem to confirm this. Now we see these stories were false and Jesus, who from all code flows, was using you as His instrument for this Divine Revelation of an application. PRAISE!

[SUV]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

My God JESUS, Miss Petal, Bless You for pointing out the obvious.

I only Hope the Mens don't get Angry™ because they didn't figure it out first

[Petal]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

i pleaseds that you bootiful folk belive in my anoinntin, but i have had a blow to my code confidinces , an i be wonderin if anyone can helps me fix this next programs?

i wroted a program to answer the eternal kwestion 'can lord God create a rock so heevy that even he not ables to lift it?'. but somethang went very very wrongs, an output very very scary



where did i go wrongs? why the outputs be halloween hair lady? maybee lord God be punishin me, cuz maybee he thawt i trieds to make him look stoopid, an i not do that!

but then i reads there be thangs called sin-tax errors, but i thinks that be like a tax for being nawty, like the sware jar that momma makes my borther put moneys into whenever he backsass her or say cuss words , but i not recieve no bill for no schmelly sin-tax, so maybee it just another name for tithe? i not no, i just want my humble liddle programs to works real goods

[Larry Lee]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

i just want my humble liddle programs to works real goods

PRIVATE MESSAGE FOR SISTER PETAL

Petal, it's true your program doesn't perform exactly as you'd hoped, but ..... That hair lady? She's Jan Crouch, and $he'$ loaded with mana from God that I bet she'd reward you with, if you made a few strategic changes in your program.

I'm thinking you should: (1) ditch the business about lifting rocks, and (2) replace it with another thorny problem of theological wieght. Such as "Who's the fairest on TBN?" It's something Jan worries about, and PRESTO! your program supplies the answer. Just an idea.

[Petal]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

I'm thinking you should: (1) ditch the business about lifting rocks, and (2) replace it with another thorny problem of theological weight. Such as"Who's the fairest on TBN?" It's something Jan worries about, and PRESTO! your program supplies the answer. Just an idea.

Mr.Lee, thank you for tell me abouts that lady. i prayed to lord God for forgiveniss for sayin mean thangs about her, an he tolded me your theologickal kwestion just need a liddle reword to be true. i not unnerstand what he tell me, but lord God say that Miss.Jan more worrieds abouts "who be the fairy princess on TBN" so i dids some prayful image googlin, an lord God showeds me this:

why Miss.Jan perched on that nice ole man's sholders like a bootiful pink parrot? i not no, it like she a purty accessery, like she be his handbag or manbag? , i all confuseds

[lilith]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

i pleaseds that you bootiful folk belive in my anoinntin, but i have had a blow to my code confidinces , an i be wonderin if anyone can helps me fix this next programs?

i wroted a program to answer the eternal kwestion 'can lord God create a rock so heevy that even he not ables to lift it?'. but somethang went very very wrongs, an output very very scary



where did i go wrongs? why the outputs be halloween hair lady? maybee lord God be punishin me, cuz maybee he thawt i trieds to make him look stoopid, an i not do that!

but then i reads there be thangs called sin-tax errors, but i thinks that be like a tax for being nawty, like the sware jar that momma makes my borther put moneys into whenever he backsass her or say cuss words , but i not recieve no bill for no schmelly sin-tax, so maybee it just another name for tithe? i not no, i just want my humble liddle programs to works real goods

Then again Petal....maybe the "Lord God" has a sense of humour.

There's good evidence for this - just look at your nearest TC.

[JennyD]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

Well, this Petal is certainly a special young lady. And apparently well, er, "lurved"? By anyone but stray cats, I suppose.

What sort of computer do you have, Petal? Is it as nice as this one?

And are you the right age to be meeting a 9-year-old wealthy white Christian boy whose parents are Godless, filthy hippies?

[Talitha]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

Well, this Petal is certainly a special young lady. And apparently well, er, "lurved"? By anyone but stray cats, I suppose.

What sort of computer do you have, Petal? Is it as nice as this one?

And are you the right age to be meeting a 9-year-old wealthy white Christian boy whose parents are Godless, filthy hippies?

Oh Purleeeeze!!!!
Didn't you realize the whole of Freehold is linked together in one massive Network?
Housed in a Bunker under ................. well under a certain building in Freehold we have one of the most advanced Computers available.
Running the JesOS Operating system of course!!

Here's a brief glimpse of our advanced technology:



And here's a typical Lady of Landover at work surfing the Innernets for Links to Jesus
Of course, after she had finished Cooking and cleaning and only with permission from her husband.

[Wide-Open]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

Very impressive programming there Petal!

Which brings me to the following question: is there a list of approved development environments and/or programming guidelines for JesOS ? I mean, you don't want programmers using backdoors or causing Access Violations, do you ? Is there something as a True Christian™ User Interface Guideline? XTreme Christian Programming perhaps?

I wonder because, although I'm not a True Christian™ by far, I might offer my services. Money is Money, right ? Of course, I'd feel obliged to Tithe, if you were to accept my offer

[SUV]

Re: true Christain™ code, it be anoinnteds

And apparently well, er, "lurved"? By anyone but stray cats, I suppose.

We lurve Miss Petal because of her propensity to Baptise stray cats! Why, every good Christian knows that cats are nothing more than a Tool of Satan! (Which is, I suppose, different from the actual Member ("Tool") of Satan. But I am just a woman - I mean, Lady - and not here to argue the finer points of Theology anyway)