Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

NOW is the time to think about leaving your old job for a newer job like the hundreds of well-paying positions Mr Trump has created by bringing them home to the USA.

Key to this is an inventive description called a ‘CV’. Here’s a section-by-section guide to making yours look good. Often those who design a CV or advise on filling it out are not Christian and put artificial retrains such as "the number of words" - The Bible had no such restraint and neither should you - the interviewer wants to know all about you, and if you restrict that to, say 1,000 words, he's not going to get a fair impression.

Anyway:

Name
This is a relatively simple part of the CV. Essentially you have to remember your name.

However you may feel that you have a connection with an Old Testament Prophet or a Disciple, and a re-christening at Landover can change Hank, Bob or Hal to Nahum, Barnabus or Simon-Peter-Son-of-John and steer the prospective employer toward a solid employee - you. (Avoid "Jesus" people will think you're Mexican.)

Alternatively, you can add a few Biblical "aliases", like "Naphish of Gath" or "Almodad Son of Jokton."


Personal statement
What makes you stand out? It’s good if this bit is about Jesus. Everyone likes Jesus so it’s a safe way to create empathy with a prospective employer. Put something intriguing like, ‘I am led by Christ to fight the sins of Mankind’. Or write this section in the format of a parable in which the interviewer will be cast into Eternal Darkness. Whatever you do - spend time on this section: it will be hard to give too much detail. Especially mention the fate of those who sin and give a few examples.


Hobbies/interests
What are you really, really passionate about? What defines you as a person, makes you feel truly alive? It has to be “Proclaiming the Gospel,” doesn’t it?
Also put ‘going to church’.

Education
"The Bible" is the answer your prospective employer is looking for. But you need to pad this out a bit.
TIP – Say you attend Landover Baptist Church – that is good. The churches that have adverts in ghetto areas should be avoided.

You can always say you went to Liberty University, or Texas Christian University, or College of the Ozarks: Its not really essential to have been as you will be working for Mammon and they are not too bothered by details, and Jesus understands you. If you have any doubts on this, read Luke:16:1 -13

Previous employment
It’s fine to be general if you can’t remember - put "‘something boring’ for ‘some assholes’ for ‘a while’."

Remember, Working in the Service of the Lord is the best work you can do – so if you are a street preacher, a missionary in your neighborhood, or helped out in any way – this is where to put it – again, spare no details.

References
Good – doctor, pastor. Bad – cellmate.

Notes on presentation
The Christian author will be creative and a mixture of fonts and colors for emphasis and separating areas of interest, time periods and comments. If the point is really important underline the whole paragraph and alternate big letter, small letter for example ‘I LiKe WoRkInG’.

A picture or two will help especially if there's one of Jesus.

Rather than sending your CV through the post, make yourself memorable by finding out your prospective employer’s home address and leaving it on their doorstep overnight, weighted down with a copy of KJV1611.

[refridgerator]

Re: Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

NOW is the time to think about leaving your old job for a newer job like the hundreds of well-paying positions Mr Trump has created by bringing them home to the USA.

Key to this is an inventive description called a ‘CV’. Here’s a section-by-section guide to making yours look good. Often those who design a CV or advise on filling it out are not Christian and put artificial retrains such as "the number of words" - The Bible had no such restraint and neither should you - the interviewer wants to know all about you, and if you restrict that to, say 1,000 words, he's not going to get a fair impression.

Anyway:

Name
This is a relatively simple part of the CV. Essentially you have to remember your name.

However you may feel that you have a connection with an Old Testament Prophet or a Disciple, and a re-christening at Landover can change Hank, Bob or Hal to Nahum, Barnabus or Simon-Peter-Son-of-John and steer the prospective employer toward a solid employee - you. (Avoid "Jesus" people will think you're Mexican.)

Alternatively, you can add a few Biblical "aliases", like "Naphish of Gath" or "Almodad Son of Jokton."


Personal statement
What makes you stand out? It’s good if this bit is about Jesus. Everyone likes Jesus so it’s a safe way to create empathy with a prospective employer. Put something intriguing like, ‘I am led by Christ to fight the sins on Mankind’. Or write this section in the format of a parable in which the interviewer will be cast into Eternal Darkness. Whatever you do - spend time on this section: it will be hard to give too much detail. Especially mention the fate of those who sin and give a few examples.


Hobbies/interests
What are you really, really passionate about? What defines you as a person, makes you feel truly alive? It has to be “Proclaiming the Gospel,” doesn’t it?
Also put ‘going to church’.

Education
"The Bible" is the answer your prospective employer is looking for. But you need to pad this out a bit.
TIP – Say you attend Landover Baptist Church – that is good. The churches that have adverts in ghetto areas should be avoided.

You can always say you went to Liberty University, or Texas Christian University, or College of the Ozarks: Its not really essential to have been as you will be working for Mammon and they are not too bothered by details, and Jesus understands you. If you have any doubts on this, read Luke:16:1 -13

Previous employment
It’s fine to be general if you can’t remember - put "‘something boring’ for ‘some assholes’ for ‘a while’."

Remember, Working in the Service of the Lord is the best work you can do – so if you are a street preacher, a missionary in your neighborhood, or helped out in any way – this is where to put it – again, spare no details.

References
Good – doctor, pastor. Bad – cellmate.

Notes on presentation
The Christian author will be creative and a mixture of fonts and colors for emphasis and separating areas of interest, time periods and comments. If the point is really important underline the whole paragraph and alternate big letter, small letter for example ‘I LiKe WoRkInG’.

A picture or two will help especially if there's one of Jesus.

Rather than sending your CV through the post, make yourself memorable by finding out your prospective employer’s home address and leaving it on their doorstep overnight, weighted down with a copy of KJV1611.

Mr. Beard, are not you using your christian background to gain an advantage in a job applying procedure contradicting the verse:

Corinthians 10:18

18 For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

[handmaiden]

Re: Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

Mr. Beard, are not you using your christian background to gain an advantage in a job applying procedure contradicting the verse:

Corinthians 10:18

18 For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

First of all that is 2 Corinthians 10:18.(see below) If you are going to fling around Bible verses to make an argument, it helps to get the name of the book right.

Second, we use the King James Version here at Landover Baptist. We don't trust the other iterations of the Bible, which have been edited extensively by pot-smoking "scholars" who used to be pot-smoking hippies. For their own sakes, it's great that they went back to school and started showering again, but I wouldn't put the fate of my immortal soul in their until-recently-grubby hands.


Third, the verse you quote is the culmination of the Apostle Paul's statements regarding his authority in the early Church. In verse 15 of that same chapter, he writes about not boasting regarding "other men's labours". That would be the equivalent of claiming someone else's job experience on your CV, or Curriculum Vitae.


The simple fact is, when a Christian gets a job anywhere, it's because God wanted him to have that job. This means that The Lord did, indeed, "commendeth" him.


Another point to make is that Christians have a duty to Jesus to declare themselves as His followers in all situations. When applying for a job, an employer should know he is hiring someone who won't work on Sundays, will never steal office supplies, doesn't need to attend sexual harassment seminars and will refuse certain services to homosexuals and other Satan-worshippers-in-disguise.


Would it be right for a Christian to hide that information from a prospective employer? Should Christians be ashamed of their affiliation with the Gospel?


Romans 10:11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed.


(See also Mark 8:38 and Luke 9:26, which are actually much scarier.)


Finally, do not dismiss Jesus' own words as recorded in the Gospel of Matthew.


Matthew 7:7 Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.


If you want employment, you have to look for a job. That means cobbling together a CV. It means getting said CV into the hands of the people hiring for the jobs. Following the advice offered by our esteemed Brother Bathfire* is no more a contradiction of God's Word then looking in the fridge when one is hungry. You want an omelet? Go look for an egg, first. You won't get very far if you ignore that step.


2 Corinthians 10:18

For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth.


*Do NOT address Brother Bathfire as "Mr. Beard". You could live a hundred years and never approach his store of knowledge or his mien of dignity and gravitas.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

It is wonderful how kids of today try to look for contradictions in the Bible, while their lives are in contradiction to the simplicity of the Bible.

A good example is


Genesis 3:19


19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.



It means, of course, that if you want to earn your bread, you should sweat. In your face.


So you have 3 options:


1) go to a real men's job, one that makes you sweat. Depending on your skin colour, that goes from mowing the grass to picking up cotton


2) go outside and supervise th job of the others, in the warm sunny days. Your face will sweat and God will be pleased


3) go to play golf while others work for you. You are still earning your bread, and you are still sweating


The Bible here demonstrate a few things:


-Playing golf in working hours is good in the eyes of the Lord (KEEP THE GOOD WORK, DONALD!)


-Working in an office with air conditioner and cool water IS NOT enough for the Lord


I hope kids could learn from this BEFORE they go to Hell. But I am not holding my breath.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

As a Mayor, I get CV's from people everyday wanting to work for the city government of Freehold.

It is well know Freehold is home to Landover Baptist Church and its Mayor a True Christian™. Lots of people put scripture and their church life on their CV.

I have to be candid here. Most of these CV's get tossed because they just do not measure up to the standards we have in Freehold. We want employees who are or have the potential to become True Christians™. If you are someone who is not active in a Bible believing deep Baptist church best you look elsewhere for employment.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Writing a CV - Earthly riches.

Mr. Beard,

The name's "Mr Bathfire", or, to you "Sir."

Corinthians 10:18

18 For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

I think you have missed my reference to Luke:16:1-13. You are dealing with Mammon, who neither needs nor requires utter obedience and respect that God does. The point of having a job is so that you can tithe more effectively - and you do this bit quietly.

Another point is that you are required to be truthful in all things, and if someone asks you a question, you should answer it in full, only moreso.

Finally,
M't:5:14: Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
M't:5:15: Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
M't:5:16: Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.