A big black problem on my Study floor.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Some of you may be aware of a soul(?) by the name of Jacob Green. An obvious heathen sent to mock me and my reputation. Oh he was very deceptive alright, and even tried to deceive you all. You see, Jacob Green wasn't just some ordinary street jigaboo. Despite how he acted on this forum, he was actually a quite cunning and well-spoken Negro like Obama.

Because of this, I was more than happy and charitable to hire him for work around the house (Afterall, since my wife died, it's hard for a handsome, eligible bachelor such as myself to find a good replacement). He was quite manageable and did his duties without a word. I didn't even have to whip him once. Unfortunately, once wouldn't have been enough.....


While I was out on the shooting range, Jacob apparently snuck into my private Study where he gained access to our Godly Landover Baptist Church forums. Turns out he was a spy sent by the NAACP. They instructed him to talk like how White people think the average Negro talks; "uneducated, ear-raping, gibberish" as to not arise suspicion.

However, soon after I shot down me a nice buck moose, my stomach sent me a grumble informing me that it was time for my mid-afternoon snack which was waiting for me in my Study. When I returned to open the door, the rest can only be described from what I honestly witnessed.

Jacob got so scared from being caught, he slipped on my 10,000$ imported Persian carpet and fell on tip of my silver Revolver prompting my finger to react....

...and now my carpet is ruined with red stains.

What should I do? Should I blow the extra cash to get it refurbished, or should I burn it and buy a new one?

-A very indecisive,
Rev. Green

[Nobar King]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

Definitely burn the rug, but do it right; it's going to take a lot of fuel to incinerate it completely. You don't want to leave any traces, right?

[Osambo 08]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

Some of you may be aware of a soul(?) by the name of Jacob Green. An obvious heathen sent to mock me and my reputation. Oh he was very deceptive alright, and even tried to deceive you all. You see, Jacob Green wasn't just some ordinary street jigaboo. Despite how he acted on this forum, he was actually a quite cunning and well-spoken Negro like Obama.

Because of this, I was more than happy and charitable to hire him for work around the house (Afterall, since my wife died, it's hard for a handsome, eligible bachelor such as myself to find a good replacement). He was quite manageable and did his duties without a word. I didn't even have to whip him once. Unfortunately, once wouldn't have been enough.....


While I was out on the shooting range, Jacob apparently snuck into my private Study where he gained access to our Godly Landover Baptist Church forums. Turns out he was a spy sent by the NAACP. They instructed him to talk like how White people think the average Negro talks; "uneducated, ear-raping, gibberish" as to not arise suspicion.

However, soon after I shot down me a nice buck moose, my stomach sent me a grumble informing me that it was time for my mid-afternoon snack which was waiting for me in my Study. When I returned to open the door, the rest can only be described from what I honestly witnessed.

Jacob got so scared from being caught, he slipped on my 10,000$ imported Persian carpet and fell on tip of my silver Revolver prompting my finger to react....

...and now my carpet is ruined with red stains.

What should I do? Should I blow the extra cash to get it refurbished, or should I burn it and buy a new one?

-A very indecisive,
Rev. Green

Okay,let me commence by saying that we aren't in the 19th century,hence you shouldn't refer me as a slave because I barely know you.As a matter of fact,if I were to come upon you,you would be quadriplegic at this point in time.

I think you should do the Devil and the world a favor by setting yourself ablaze..that would undoubtedly rectify your quandary.

[Nobar King]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

As a matter of fact,if I were to come upon you,you would be quadriplegic at this point in time.

That is a threat and that is illegal. The DOF is aware of these threats and passes them on to the FBI's interstate internet violence watchdog priority group. They will continue to monitor your posts and take action when necessary.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

First of all, only Mooslim terrorists set themselves ablaze. Therefore, I know that following your sage advice would be a waste of my time.

Second, did I call you a slave? No. Are you a slave? Well, you should be. It would at least teach an uppity buck like you to back-talk to your betters.

[Osambo 08]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

First of all, only Mooslim terrorists set themselves ablaze. Therefore, I know that following your sage advice would be a waste of my time.

Second, did I call you a slave? No. Are you a slave? Well, you should be. It would at least teach an uppity buck like you to back-talk to your betters.

Okay,let me commence by saying that we aren't in the 19th century

Will I have to repeat that sentence again?You should pop your seemingly impervious bubble of idiocy and realize that you aren't my master.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

Calling the kettle nigger black aren't you?


If I ain't your master to tell you to stop offending Jesus with your banal independence that doesn't allow your brain to refer to me as "Sir", then you most certainly ain't MY master who can tell me to stop giving you the rebuking you so much deserve!


Besides, this is OUR forum, not YOURS! Not being banned is a privilege, not a right!

[Brother Enoch]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

Will I have to repeat that sentence again?You should pop your seemingly impervious bubble of idiocy and realize that you aren't my master.

No, your master is your idol Obsama, and 9 year old virgins just like his idol Muhammed diddled. Am I right? You into pre-pubescent chicks, like Obsama, too?

[ExGay Alex]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

Will I have to repeat that sentence again?You should pop your seemingly impervious bubble of idiocy and realize that you aren't my master.

This is why you never give a dictionary to a black person. It's pathetic what they come up with, especially when they don't have a spell checker and a punctuation guide. And did you notice in post #3 he uses the word "rectify"? Apparently he's a homer, too.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

I would burn the rug Reverend. You might as well wrap the buck's body in it first.

YIC

Some of you may be aware of a soul(?) by the name of Jacob Green. An obvious heathen sent to mock me and my reputation. Oh he was very deceptive alright, and even tried to deceive you all. You see, Jacob Green wasn't just some ordinary street jigaboo. Despite how he acted on this forum, he was actually a quite cunning and well-spoken Negro like Obama.

Because of this, I was more than happy and charitable to hire him for work around the house (Afterall, since my wife died, it's hard for a handsome, eligible bachelor such as myself to find a good replacement). He was quite manageable and did his duties without a word. I didn't even have to whip him once. Unfortunately, once wouldn't have been enough.....


While I was out on the shooting range, Jacob apparently snuck into my private Study where he gained access to our Godly Landover Baptist Church forums. Turns out he was a spy sent by the NAACP. They instructed him to talk like how White people think the average Negro talks; "uneducated, ear-raping, gibberish" as to not arise suspicion.

However, soon after I shot down me a nice buck moose, my stomach sent me a grumble informing me that it was time for my mid-afternoon snack which was waiting for me in my Study. When I returned to open the door, the rest can only be described from what I honestly witnessed.

Jacob got so scared from being caught, he slipped on my 10,000$ imported Persian carpet and fell on tip of my silver Revolver prompting my finger to react....

...and now my carpet is ruined with red stains.

What should I do? Should I blow the extra cash to get it refurbished, or should I burn it and buy a new one?

-A very indecisive,
Rev. Green

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

I would burn the rug Reverend.

and make the insurance claim. I hear such a rug would cost $20,000 to replace...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

and make the insurance claim. I hear such a rug would cost $20,000 to replace...

Oh I'm sure it would be more than that. My polar bear welcome mat is worth $30,000 alone.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

I would certainly claim it on insurance. Obviously the buck was suicidal and set himself on fire after shooting himself in the back. They do it all the time!

It should be more that $20,000 however. The baby seal pelt throw rugs in my bathroom are $15,000 each.

YIC

and make the insurance claim. I hear such a rug would cost $20,000 to replace...

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: A big black problem on my Study floor.

I agree. You should wrap the carcass in it and burn it. I have the best place to do so too!
You should take it to the Wicker Center! Since the middle courtyard is set up just for burning those nasty wickedens and leaving no trace of their filth to soil our Sacred grounds, it would be perfect for your needs as well! Just be sure to get a permit from Brother Mike. You know how he had a hissy fit last winter when Percy burnt up that Helloween trick or treater. Percy didn't bother to get authorization and Brother Mike was furious. I think it had to do with the fact that the permit costs $800, but still....
If I were you I would add the cost of disposal to the insurance claim as well. Glory!!

P.S.
Persians cost about $500 each for the registered ones. Now, as large as your rug is.... it would take at least 300-400 kittens to make up a nice soft rug. I would say you should claim a minimum of 100k for a replacement. I think you just left off a zero when you were typing. Common mistake.