People in Your Area Love This Idea!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

[WWJDnow]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Many Christians hold the false belief that, when God Raptures us, we will take our dogs with us. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. Revelation 22:14-15

Rather than pay for this service, I recommend simply finding a family of sorcerors or whoremongers or murderers or idolators (any Catholic will do) or liars and arranging with them to take care of your pets post Rapture. You can find these people either using Craigslist or by placing a classified ad in the Jewish news.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Many Christians hold the false belief that, when God Raptures us, we will take our dogs with us. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie. Revelation 22:14-15
Rather than pay for this service, I recommend simply finding a family of sorcerors or whoremongers or murderers or idolators (any Catholic will do) or liars and arranging with them to take care of your pets post Rapture. You can find these people either using Craigslist or by placing a classified ad in the Jewish news.

Whenever I'm going about town, I say something nice about people's dogs. "Beautiful dog you've got there. I bet he's smart." A Mayor does that, part of the job.

Privately I'm questioning the commitment of the dog owner to Jesus and Landover Baptist. Pet food, veterinary bills and grooming all take money we in the church could put to better use. Pastor Zeke's new airplane, his constant travel and ever-increasing Pastor's salary all would be helped by leaving that dog at a shelter.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Show me a man with a dog and I'll show you a man who's not heeding Philippians 3:2. The Holy Spirit is all the companionship I need and It will be with me for eternity, unlike a soulless pet.

[handmaiden]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Sister Joanna were just having a discussion related to this subject. It is important to note that Jesus did not have a dog.

Everyone says dogs are so great, so why didn't Jesus ever have one? Did His stepfather not want to be overindulgent? Was His mother allergic?

Astute readers of the Bible will note that the only animals that Jesus seems to really care about are sheep. Jesus is often depicted cuddling with a lamb. This may be due to the fact that sheep are useful. They bring in a profit. Dogs --as Brother Mayor Hold has pointed out-- cost a lot of money in upkeep and bring in no financial returns. Having a dog is like burying one's money.


Matthew 25:18
But he that received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money.


Those familiar with the story know that the guy who buried his master's money was roundly castigated for not turning any profit with the cash entrusted to him. So, if making God mad is your intent, by all means, get a dog.

(Getting a cat is just going all in with Satan. At least with a dog, there is still a chance for repentance and eventual salvation.)

[WWJDnow]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Yes, Mayor Hold, dog money could be better spent. Pastor Ezekiel is a humble minister of the Lord, so I know he would never say anything about this, but his Lamborghini is nearly six months old, so the time has come to replace it. How can the good Pastor Zeke save souls if people keep pointing out how run-down his emergency backup sports car has become?

I encourage all dog owners in the Landover Baptist congregation to shoot their dogs and tithe the money they save to the church. But, whatever they do, I caution them not to sell their dogs and tithe the proceeds:

Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the Lord thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the Lord thy God. Deuteronomy 23:18

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

We knew the pope sold his Lambo! at auction – or at least we thought we did. Evidently there's more mileage in a raffle.

https://www.hotcars.com/pope-francis-lamborghini-10-bucks/

I have no interest in buying a Lamborghini! from any pope, any time, anywhere and yet an important factor stands out. Can we trust the raffle to be, I don't want to use inappropriate language here, all that a raffle should be? Baptists understand about exorcism, especially what happens if a priest or cardinal turns up. Satan encourages them because he knows they'll only make things worse (or from his point of view, better) by introducing one more demon into the mix.

It's therefore important to have a rapid response capability and I've heard there's some very good four-seater 300MPH vehicles available NOT made by Romists which is another important consideration.

Pastor Ezekiel needs to arrive first.

[handmaiden]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

Why are Italian sports cars considered so desirable? Those people are good at making pasta and gelato and that's it. . . Okay, I hear that their wine is passable, but stomping grapes with one's feet is not a skill that transfers well to complex engineering. Better to buy an American car.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: People in Your Area Love This Idea!

especially after seeing Frank in his matching dress