Church approved book list

[Joe Rolandowsky]

I am new to the Church and am curious if there is a "Church approved" reading list? I know that the KJV is at the top of the list (I have 8, one for every room of the house, excluding the bathrooms of course), but I want to make sure that no unclean drivel enters my home.

Suggestions?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Church approved book list

If I may suggest, “Pilgrim’s Progress” by John Bunyan.

Despite being uneducated, terminally depressive, unhinged, probably suffering from schizophrenia, careless in his personal hygiene and invariably drunk, Bunyan, a 17th century True Christian™ who failed to catch the Mayflower, is the author. When he was locked up for sedition and various other public order offenses, he wrote down his dream of a journey by a character called Pilgrim.

This Dream was inspired by God.

Pilgrim, in the dream travels from the City of Destruction, through the Slough of Despond, past the Castle of Beelzebub, through the Mire of Difficulties, the Valley of Humiliation, The Valley of The Shadow of Death, etc, etc and so on and so forth.

Pilgrim is burdened down by a huge pack of sins on his back and beset by Godless people and creatures along the way before eventually crossing the River of Death to the Celestial City. From pictures, the latter appears to be similar to Stalingrad after the Germans had finished with it but I suppose that this was considered normal at the time.

If your child has managed to read so far, he will doubtless want to read part 2 which concerns exactly the same journey by Pilgrim’s wife (He left her behind to look after the children, etc in Part 1.)

There are about 500 pages in each book, but there seem to be many, many more – thus it is value for money.

Pilgrim’s Progress is a story of unremitting Godliness and is filled with more pious rejection of all sin and temptation than you can wave a stick at.

Look on it as a 17th century role playing game wherein the happy child who is given this book may follow Pilgrim and make the same moral choices to reach happiness by welcoming death (as he surely will do after reading all of this.)

I cannot recommend it highly enough and append an exciting picture to give you an idea of the wholesome content.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

^Thank you brother, it is at the top of my list. I, with other right thinking Christians, plan on sanctioning a book burning here in my community. Recently I discovered that the public school in my town sanctioned the reading of The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. Of course my children are home schooled, but the thought of all of those innocent minds in the public school, reading that trash, made me vomit.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Church approved book list

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger? Is that not subject to the The Comstock Act, (ch. 258 17 Stat. 598)? I suspect it must be, it is certainly "obscene, lewd, and/or lascivious material"?*


*if what I once overheard in the street is true.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

... it is certainly "obscene, lewd, and/or lascivious material"?*

Indeed it is. I have a local, right thinking, lawyer attempting to obtain an injunction as we speak. Of course I do not have any children in public school, but I believe that the Lord commands me to put an end to this. I hope my efforts will save those children from viewing that vile pornography.

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Church approved book list

I am new to the Church and am curious if there is a "Church approved" reading list? I know that the KJV is at the top of the list (I have 8, one for every room of the house, excluding the bathrooms of course), but I want to make sure that no unclean drivel enters my home.

Suggestions?

How about Moby Dick by Herman Melville? The charachter Captain Ahab was certainly inspired by God.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Church approved book list

Ahem, I do NOT think we should include anything with provocative titles!

[Brother Lazarus]

Re: Church approved book list

How about the Hardy Boys novels? Good clean white teenage detectives solving mysteries and rooting out evil. Now we must be careful to include only original Hardy Boy novels printed before 1959. Editions after 1959 were rewritten to be policially correct. The series of novels written in the 1980's are completely out as they are satanic. But, the novels written and printed between 1927 and 1958 should be fine.

Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

How about Moby Dick by Herman Melville? The charachter Captain Ahab was certainly inspired by God.

With all respect, I believe you are mistaken.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

I apologize for the double post, I do not seem to have an edit button yet. I remember a part of the book where Captain Ahab stated that "Life is but the cheapest thing, where one dies, a thousand spring to replace it"*

I do not want my children to think life is "cheap". I will add it to the burn list.

*I couldn't find the actual quote on the Google, so I paraphrased it.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

I apologize, I was thinking of The Sea Wolf by Jack London, another unclean soul. Rest assured that book will never be in my home!

'We were talking about this yesterday,' he said. 'I held that life was a ferment, a yeasty something which devoured life that it might live, and that living was merely successful piggishness. Why, if there is anything in supply and demand, life is the cheapest thing in the world. There is only so much water, so much earth, so much air; but the life that is demanding to be born is limitless. Nature is a spendthrift. Look at the fish and their millions of eggs. For that matter, look at you and me. In our loins are the possibilities of millions of lives. Could we but find time and opportunity and utilize the last bit and every bit of the unborn life that is in us, we could become the fathers of nations and populate continents. Life? Bah! It has no value. Of cheap things it is the cheapest.
Everywhere it goes begging. Nature spills it out with a lavish hand. Where there is room for one life, she sows a thousand lives, and it's life eat life till the strongest and most piggish life is left.' 'You have read Darwin,' I said. 'But you read him misunderstandingly when you conclude that the struggle for existence sanctions your wanton destruction of life.'

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Church approved book list

Here's our Landover Baptist Summer Reading For True Christian™ Kids!


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The Little Jew: Levi the Dancing Cockroach

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Donkeys Can Talk, People Can Fly, And a Man Named Jesus Lives Up in the Sky!

A wonderfully animated approach to the Bible. Secular children will be introduced to timeless True Christian beliefs that come directly out of the Scriptures and not from the hallucinations of some boat-riding, bird-watching, monkey-loving, lizard-humping, 19th-century liberal! Read More About This Book>>


Nancy Boy Chrissy, The Bed-Wetting Sissy!

This beautifully illustrated book tells the story of Christopher Pansy, a 12-year old boy who is gayer than a May Pole. He is a constant humiliation to his normal, Christian parents. While other boys in the neighborhood are riding bikes and killing stray cats, Christopher loves to prance about, looking through his telescope, making map...
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The Talking Snake Theory: Creation Science & History for Christian Children

Readers journey back 6,000 years ago in time to the actual date when God created the first two humans from a pile of dirt and a spare rib. It is a time and place that, despite the first hand accounts from eyewitnesses in the Bible, most ignorant secular scholars and scientists refuse to believe existed. Read More About This Book>>

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

Thanks Pastor! May I suggest that an approved reading list become a sticky somewhere, so others can filter the material their families read. Members can also give quick warning of satanic materials that their children may come in contact with. ie: Harry Potter

[Tertius The Scribe]

Re: Church approved book list

Although I normally burn all non-AV1611 KJV Bibles, I may suggest a censored version of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. It shows the glory of book burning, and how America will collapse if we do not embrace it.

[Joe Rolandowsky]

Re: Church approved book list

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

I suggested to my local City Council that we install "drop stations" for books that do not support traditional Christian values. The liberal "tools of Obama" resoundingly rejected the idea. Yes friend, we are close to the end times.