Advice needed

[Noah Dint]

Friends,

Lately my wife, Mrs. Norah Dent, has been spending quite a bit of time exchanging pie recipies and cooking with our neighbor. This neighbor is a fine lady that lives directly across the street from us. For years the two women have been exchanging kind words and occasionally upon my return from my daily toil I will find them talking together on the front porch of our house.

Several months ago they began spending more and more time together to the point where it is almost like having two wives around the house. Lately it has gotten out of hand.

They are constantly in each other's kitchens with something hot in the oven and making a lot of noise, as women do. I fear this woman may be a bad influence upon my wife as I do not know if she is Saved(tm).

It is good that my wife has a "special friend" that she can spend time with while the children are in school and our household does not seem to suffer from it.

Am I just being paranoid or should I be concerned?

-ND

[Collective Judas]

Re: Advice needed

Friends,

Lately my wife, Mrs. Norah Dent, has been spending quite a bit of time exchanging pie recipies and cooking with our neighbor. This neighbor is a fine lady that lives directly across the street from us. For years the two women have been exchanging kind words and occasionally upon my return from my daily toil I will find them talking together on the front porch of our house.

Several months ago they began spending more and more time together to the point where it is almost like having two wives around the house. Lately it has gotten out of hand.

They are constantly in each other's kitchens with something hot in the oven and making a lot of noise, as women do. I fear this woman may be a bad influence upon my wife as I do not know if she is Saved™.

It is good that my wife has a "special friend" that she can spend time with while the children are in school and our household does not seem to suffer from it.

Am I just being paranoid or should I be concerned?

-ND

Noah, you seem like a great and wise person. I believe your instincts will guide you in this issue. If you think it's wrong, then it probably is.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Advice needed

Not at all, not at all. In fact there is probably reason to be grateful. Women have an endless supply of words that they feel compelled to place and say in almost any order; the women are probably simply talking endlessly. The noises will be nothing more than one showing knitting or embroidery needles, crochet hooks, a new wash power, a recipe, a turkey baster, a cucumber, baby clothes; etc., to the other.

The release of this pent up “conversation” is often enough to leave a woman very relaxed and slightly flushed. I remember a similar thing when Ms Georgina (or ‘George’ as Mrs Bathfire called her) Strappon used to come round.

[Noah Dint]

Re: Advice needed

Brother Bathfire,

Your words are kindly met and greatly appreciated as always. But I must confess brother, it's getting crazy around here.

They have been spending so much time together in the kitchen that they are beginning to play games. Last night they took great joy in blindfolding me and having me taste each of their pies. They would loudly and joyously roar with delight when I could not tell who's pie I was eating. It took many attempts for me to realize that my wife's pie had just a slightly different texture - but identical taste.

I just don't want things to get out of hand. I worry this is a bad example for our children. Every time there are loud noises the children look up from their Bibles and just stare at each other with perplexed looks.

-ND

[Bob4God]

Re: Advice needed

I would only be concerned that your wife may get distracted from her cleaning duties. You wouldn't want her to neglect her chores just so she can gab about recipes and doilies all day.

The Bible wasn't kidding when it said women were silly and empty-headed!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Advice needed

Brother Bathfire,

Your words are kindly met and greatly appreciated as always. But I must confess brother, it's getting crazy around here.

They have been spending so much time together in the kitchen that they are beginning to play games. Last night they took great joy in blindfolding me and having me taste each of their pies. They would loudly and joyously roar with delight when I could not tell who's pie I was eating.

Dreadful! This is the nightmare I fear. It wasn’t the old “savory fish pie” trick was it? One has to be so careful about responding with something that will cause no offense but will please both ladies equally.

I just don't want things to get out of hand. I worry this is a bad example for our children. Every time there are loud noises the children look up from their Bibles and just stare at each other with perplexed looks.

I’m not at all sure you should allow this situation to develop further. The children’s souls may be in peril if they take to levity of any sort.

Beat the children to assert your authority and, in future, insist that you are in the same room at all times when your wife and her friend are in the house. I’m sure your natural Godly instincts will lead you to a satisfying solution.

[Noah Dint]

Re: Advice needed

I hope that this much time spent baking with each other won't create too many deserts and so they become overtly liberal with their pies. I have to work in the morning, it is 12:30 a.m., and they seem to think this is some kind of Pilsbury bake off party. There is flour and oil and mixing impliments of all kinds just strewn pell-mell everywhere.

The neighbor lady even brought over a impliment that plugs into the wall to mix the batter! I had never seen such a thing and yet my wife seemed to naturally know just what to do with it. Evidently she has been practicing at the neighbor's house while I am at work.

If the house is not spotless when I wake up there will be Hell to pay!

-ND