How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Here in Iraq, where it's often well over 120 degrees, those of us with a few extra pounds have to wash constantly and powder ourselves with drying agents to prevent sweat from accumulating on the skin in our folds of fat. Back in the states, a daily shower and a few ounces of baby powder would take care of it. But here, in the 120+ degree baking sun, even with showers and baby powder and Hai Karate aftershave, those of us 30 pounds overweight often smell like we haven't showered for weeks. Any tips?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Don't you have any local kids around? Keep a ragamuffin nearby and blame it on him/her/it. Terrorists don't bathe at all do they?

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Thanks for that suggestion-- but you can't trust the kids around here. Just last week, we waterboarded a nine year old, and he admitted to being the brains behind six attacks on Our Godly Soldiers.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

You may want to try what I did to cut down on sweating. I got Medicaid to pay for a heavy-duty, top of the line electric scooter, so I don't have to walk or even stand up anymore. You'd be surprised how much sweat you can work up by walking, or even standing erect for short periods of time. I still use my cane, but mostly to swat people I don't like.

[Brother V]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

I've found a little bit of Vicks VapoRub applied directly under the nose will really clear up a variety of bad smells.

It works really good on those 5 shirt days.

Hope this helps.

YIC
V

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

You may want to try what I did to cut down on sweating. I got Medicaid to pay for a heavy-duty, top of the line electric scooter, so I don't have to walk or even stand up anymore. You'd be surprised how much sweat you can work up by walking, or even standing erect for short periods of time. I still use my cane, but mostly to swat people I don't like.

Considering the employment challenges the Iraqis face in their new free society maybe Trent can solve two problems at once. Get a sedan chair Trent and hire four Iraqis to carry you around. I imagine it would send a great message to the Iraqis seeing you and your carriers working together all day.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Brother Trent, we in the church like to make the distinction between certain words which the common folk sometimes sometimes lump together like globs of lard. Two particular words, "fat" and "opulent" come to mind. Fat people are merely poor slobs who spend their time rummaging through the dumpsters behind McDonalds.

Opulence is indicative of wealth, good breeding, an appreciation for the finer things, and sufficient funds for lipo and an occasional course of medically supervised methamphetamine sulfate and pharmaceutical Coca plant extract on a private Carribbean island where you can rub noses...pardon the pun....with the most famous Hollywood stars.

A few extra pounds in our circumstance indicates opulence. As Brother BJ says, simply delegate the work to the locals and sit in an air conditioned villa cashing checks from Halliburton.

[Brother V]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Two particular words, "fat" and "opulent" come to mind.

Brother Trent;

No one wants to get rid of the smell of OPULENCE!

Praise Jesus!!!

YIC
V

[Sister Noddy]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

I've found a little bit of Vicks VapoRub applied directly under the nose will really clear up a variety of bad smells.

It works really good on those 5 shirt days.

Hope this helps.

YIC
V

Interesting, Brother V, I've always liked the fresh pungent scent of Vick's VapoRub, good for more than sinus and chest colds, just a delicate dab under the nostrils freshens things up a bit, hey!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Brother Trent;

No one wants to get rid of the smell of OPULENCE!

Praise Jesus!!!

YIC
V

That's what I get Delores for her birthday and Christmas. Works like a charm.

[Talitha]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

You know Brother Trent, this Thread is making feel all kinda....well, I'm not sure but I'm quite sure there's a word to describe it.

I find it quite invigorating to smell the scent of Gents like yourself, who, through no fault of their own get hot and sticky in "those little places".
I agree with the Pastors, there's nothing wrong with the sweet scent of Opulence.
Perhaps you should bottle some of your own and send it to me. I'll share it amongst the other LOL's

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

You know Brother Trent, this Thread is making feel all kinda....well, I'm not sure but I'm quite sure there's a word to describe it.

I find it quite invigorating to smell the scent of Gents like yourself, who, through no fault of their own get hot and sticky in "those little places".
I agree with the Pastors, there's nothing wrong with the sweet scent of Opulence.
Perhaps you should bottle some of your own and send it to me. I'll share it amongst the other LOL's

You are a sick puppy, Tally. Sick. You belong in Hawaii.

[nikilds]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

If I were lucky enough to be an opulent male, I wouldnt try to rid myself of the odor either.
I'd want to share with the foreigners what TRUE GODLY sweat smells like!
Because, I tell you, stink from Messycans and Hindus and Muslems are unbearable. Our white Godly brethren have a body odor which is more pleasant to the senses.
Much like Jesus' body odor was back in the day, Im sure.

[Talitha]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

If I were lucky enough to be an opulent male, I wouldnt try to rid myself of the odor either.
I'd want to share with the foreigners what TRUE GODLY sweat smells like!
Because, I tell you, stink from Messycans and Hindus and Muslems are unbearable. Our white Godly brethren have a body odor which is more pleasant to the senses.
Much like Jesus' body odor was back in the day, Im sure.

That's JUST MY POINT Sister!!
Unlike your negra or messycanistani smell, a True Christian™ male has a quite different aroma.
By golly, I bet when Jesus got a sweat on those juices ran out of Him like a Holy river.
I wouldn't be surprised if somewhere out there is a whole consignment of bottled Jesus sweat just waiting to go on Ebay!!
Praise The Lord Pastor, your new essential luxury Jet is nearer than we thought

[nikilds]

Re: How do I get Rid of "Fat Smell"?

Exactly Sister Talitha!
The Lord's work is hard and toilsome at times.
Godly work produces Godly sweat.

(I mean, no joke, other "religion"s have horrible smelling members. Their "flock" smells like they literally stumbled out of a barnyard that hasnt been shoveled for a week or so. Some of the more abominable churches must make their members baptize themselves in rancid pig feces.)