Next Door Neighbor Problems

[The Bright Beast]

I bring grave news. My next door neighbor is 16, and he has plans to become a fashion designer. I have tried to talk him out of it, I have tried everything, from prayer sessions with him, to emergency baptisms with my True Christian(tm) Supersoaker, even giving explicit threats and descriptions of what happens to sinners in HELL He refuses to listen to anything I, or my True Christian(tm) friends say. He invited me to see what designs he made, I accepted, so I may report truthfully what slutty garments he is designing! To be frank, I was horrified. There is a women's t-shirt that mocks the LORD, a skirt that would be the right length for a 5 year old, but is designed for an adult, and a PINK striped shirt for men! He is only 16, and he is TOO passionate about this 'career' of homersexuality.

Not only that, but he also recently purchased an electric guitar from somewhere outside of Freehold, and the sounds of rock music have been coming from the house. I have complained to the authorities, yet he still continues to play this satanic garbage. He has grown his hair long, and wears his sister's jeans. I have even caught him skipping church to go to the toilet with a bag of some white substance.

What should I do?

[Nobar King]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

I always tell people who have neighbor problems to set up a video camera and record anything that is malicious or seems suspicious. You might not realize it at the time but the evidence you record might be useful to the police in order to make a case against the neighbor. If you're lucky you will catch the kid skipping church in order to go to the bathroom to use drugs again and this time get it on video. I know the police will appreciate it.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

The boy is quite clearly sinning.

Sadly your local commmunity is unlikely to join you in stoning the lad and even flogging him is probably out of the question. Secular law seems happy to let him slide slowly into Hell.

Perhaps you could follow him around day and night in secret, documenting his every move. Filming him is good advice. You could also take pictures of him doing the sinful deeds. If you have a spare room in the house you could paste the pictures all over the walls and cut out pieces of damning scripture and stick them next to the corresponding photograph.

Once everything is prepared you could then lure the boy into the room and lock him in until he has bathed in the full depths of his depravity and repented. Play him the films you have taken of him - if you have the software you could recored a voice over that denigrates him with relevant scripture.

After a few days of this he surely must repent once he realises how loathesome he is in God's sight. Be strong; his pleading for release will be the demon within him fighting the force of your righteous exorcism.

[HTannor]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

He invited me to see what designs he made, I accepted, so I may report truthfully what slutty garments he is designing! To be frank, I was horrified.

He invited you in? And you accepted?

While you were there did you, at any time, lose consciousness? Or feel a bit disoriented?

When you returned home did you carefully examine yourself for any signs of violation? Could you sit on a hard chair without any discomfort? Any strange tastes in your mouth?

I hope all turns out well for you.



But you really should visit the Freehold Clinic to be sure.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

Unfortunately my friend, prayer is likely the only way to save him now. 16 is an impressionable age when a young man is susceptible to serious sexual sin, what with the influences of secular humanism. I recall the emergence of Donna Summer disco music and feathered hair at that age, and it was what made me ultimately succumb to the choice of being a homosexual.

Given the apparent narcotic addiction and fetish for women's clothing, he has likely already participated in sodomy and other degenerate queer practices. I will join you in prayer that Jesus Christ wipes this nasty stain from his corrupt soul and spares him the disease and despair that he will deserve as a result of his decision.

But you should take measures to protect your household from any number of biohazards that may compromise your health, including the AIDS. Insist that the young man be tested for HIVs and take appropriate measures to ensure that the air you breath will not strike you down with the AIDS.

May God give you strength in time of misery.

In Christ

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

I'm wondering if it would be a public service to paint warning messages about the AIDS on his house so your neighbours are also protected.

[HTannor]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

Mr. Beast*, I hope you take the good Brother Porter's wise counsel to heart.

Brother Porter chose to be a filthy, vile, no good queer. Then he came to his senses and is now no longer queer, so he speaks from experience when he mentions drug addiction, cross-dressing, sodomy, and degenerate behavior.

He fears you could follow in his footsteps by turning tricks in dark alleys, robbing liquor stores for drug fixes, shop-lifting women's panties, and luring little boys into bathroom stalls.

He prays for your soul.









(*Until such time you reach the lofty status of True Christian™, I am forced to address you as Mr., rather than Brother. But if you catch the AIDs, all bets are off.)

[The Bright Beast]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

After going to Freehold Clinic, I was lucky to find that I never contracted the AIDS, As I made sure to stay away from the young man, on the other side of the room, with my back against the wall. It was lucky I had prayed before going round, and I know the LORD protected me in this time of danger.

[HTannor]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

After going to Freehold Clinic, I was lucky to find that I never contracted the AIDS, As I made sure to stay away from the young man, on the other side of the room, with my back against the wall. It was lucky I had prayed before going round, and I know the LORD protected me in this time of danger.

That is incredibly good news, Mr. Beast. Just knowing you poop hole is safe makes me thankful for the rewards Jesus has given us.

I believe the next thing you should do is follow the advice of Mr. Redeemed Papist and post appropriate messages on that queer's property warning all of our Christian Brothers© about the dangers of approaching that den of fagdom.

I am so happy you didn't touch his tallywackier.

[The Bright Beast]

Re: Next Door Neighbor Problems

That is incredibly good news, Mr. Beast. Just knowing you poop hole is safe makes me thankful for the rewards Jesus has given us.

I believe the next thing you should do is follow the advice of Mr. Redeemed Papist and post appropriate messages on that queer's property warning all of our Christian Brothers© about the dangers of approaching that den of fagdom.

I am so happy you didn't touch his tallywackier.

I shall do that instantly, nobody in Landover will be going anywhere near him after I've finished displaying my message! And I am happy too! I made sure that I spent much longer in deep prayer than usual that night, praising GOD for keeping me safe!