Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

As you know, we're sending 15 missionaries to the darkest jungles of Australia this July, and we're expecting some degree of success providing the locals can sober up enough to hear the Word of God. I'm going to put this out there for discussion now, and it can be debated at church the next couple of Sundays - Would it be worth sending missionaries to Soviet Canuckistan too?
If we do send people to America's Attic, it would present the team with a whole different set of challenges.
Unlike Australia, which is filled with drunken crooks, Canada is filled with drunken sodomite enablers, all of whom are mostly toothless thanks to years of playing hockey instead of a normal sport (there is also more potential brain damage thanks to how often they get hit in the head with p**ks).
It is also frigid, snowy desert, and instead of a year long mission as will be the case in Australia, we should only send people from mid-June to mid-September, otherwise they may be snowed in for the rest of the year. If this does happen, we will make sure the team has plenty of warm clothing, heated bullhorns, and cold-weather Bibles with thicker pages for reading while wearing mittens.
On the other hand, it should be safer than Australia, which not only has murderous criminal scum, but crocodiles, snakes, dingos, and boxing kangaroos. Canuckistan's only dangerous animal is the polar bear. The moose, penguins, and beavers aren't known to attack humans.
One huge advantage the frozen north will have is their current president, Steven Harper. Perhaps the only Godly CanAIDSian, Jesus hand picked him to run their country despite it being a communist sodomite wonderland. We can be sure of the full cooperation of their government for now, but we should be careful of a beer and marihuana-fuelled insurrection. They may not be allowed to own or carry guns, but hockey sticks can hurt, and if swung hard enough at the head, possibly even kill.
Some input before church tomorrow and next week would be greatly appreciated. If you think we'd be spreading our missionary resources too thinly, we can ask any of our affiliated churches to send in their own missionaries to help relieve those we currently have in Iraq and Afghanistan.

[Nobar King]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

The first thing we have to do is change their flag:

[Nobar King]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

I know the missionaries will need good maps, so I've been going over google for the most helpful ones.

I couldn't believe it when I saw this one:

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

This just in! A large part of Canuckistan's population is made up of Injuns and Eskimoos! This puts a new spin on things as we don't want our missionaries to get scalped or eaten.
More information to come as our researchers dig up further information on this barren, icy "nation".

[Cheshire]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

I live in Canada. Anything more I can do to spread the word?

[Nobar King]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

Panel Details How Canada Failed Tribes

A commission that spent five years and $43.5 million studying the condition of Canada's Indians and Eskimos concluded today that Government policies for the last 150 years had been a shameful failure. If not fundamentally changed, the panel warned, these policies would condemn many of the more than 800,000 indigenous Canadians to worsened poverty, disease and anger.

The 4,000-page report, presented to Parliament here today, outlines the grim conditions in most Indian communities from the Arctic Circle to the Maritime Provinces.

The commission makes more than 400 recommendations for correcting mistakes of the past. They range from comparatively simple suggestions for improving housing and education to difficult approaches like granting Indian tribes full nationhood and establishing neutral land claim tribunals.

The proposal that will probably be the most hotly debated would involve substantially increasing Government spending on Indians over the next 20 years, to create long-term savings as people find jobs, get off welfare and pay taxes. The proposals are not binding on Parliament or the federal Government.

Over the last three years of the Liberal Government of Prime Minister Jean Chretien's reign spending was cut in almost every department as it tried to reduce a huge deficit. The cuts have brought reductions in some of Canadians' most treasured social programs -- like medical care, education and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. Taxpayers have been left in no mood to discuss spending increases in a controversial area like Indian affairs.

But the Government itself acknowledged that something must be done. ''If we just shelve the report and do nothing,'' said Ronald A. Irwin, Minister of the Department of Indian Affairs and Northern Development, ''the Indians will be even more ticked off than they are now.''

Indian leaders gathered in Ottawa today generally praised the report because it supports what they have been saying for a long time about the need for self-government.

''This report offers the best chance we have in this century to offer hope to our people,'' said Ovid Mercredi, grand chief of the Assembly of First Nations, which represents Canada's major Indian tribes.

In its five years of work, the commission visited 96 Indian communities and collected more than 76,000 pages of testimony, including statements from the residents of Davis Inlet in Newfoundland, who were forced by the Government to relocate there 29 years ago.

''Canadians are now embarrassed by the arrogance that runs through our history and by the acts of suppression it gave rise to,'' said the panelists in a statement accompanying the report. ''The legacy of Canada's treatment of aboriginal people is one of waste: wasted potential, wasted money, wasted lives.''

The commission has been criticized for taking far too long, spending far too much and coming up with unrealistic ideas, like a proposal to establish a separate parliament for Indians. Opposition party leaders said appropriations for Indian affairs, which now total $9.75 billion a year from all levels of government, should be cut, not increased.

Mr. Mercredi said the money to finance new programs did not have to cost taxpayers anything if the Government increased the royalties it charges corporations that extract valuable minerals from land once belonging to Indians.

Unless injustices are corrected and Indian people are given the chance to govern themselves, Mr. Mercredi predicted: ''If Canadians think they have a problem now with our people, 30 years from now they're going to have a crisis as a nation.''

The missionaries should be extra careful when it comes to dealing with the eskimos and aboriginals that they encounter in Canada. They might be extremely hostile towards lighter skinned people due to the mistreatment they have suffered under the hands of their Socialist opressors.

[Deaner]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

The missionaries should be extra careful when it comes to dealing with the eskimos and aboriginals that they encounter in Canada. They might be extremely hostile towards lighter skinned people due to the mistreatment they have suffered under the hands of their Socialist opressors.

I understand you can make friends with the eskimos by giving them raw seal meat to chew on. The Canadian injuns aren't really much different than the American ones. Give them some booze and a couple of packs of smokes and they go back to their wigwams and party.

The real threat is the roving gangs of armed french homosexuals. They're violent and ruthless and force feed you stinky cheese as they rape you.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

I see a strategy that would be a string to our bow in bringing God’s Truth™ to the frozen North. The following is from this article:

In 1929, five Canadian women won a ruling by the Judicial Committee of the British Privy Council that women were persons in law. The five women, known as the Famous 5, had sought in the 1920s to have women appointed to the Canadian Senate, but were denied by the Supreme Court of Canada on the grounds that women did not qualify as ‘persons’ under Section 24 of the British North America Act 1867.

The Famous 5 appealed to the Privy Council in London, who ruled that the word ‘persons’ in Section 24 included members both of the male and female sex, and that women were eligible to be summoned to and become members of the Senate of Canada. The Privy Council ruling overturned arguments dating back to Roman times that were still being used by lawyers and legislators in the 20th century to keep women out of public life.

"Persons in law"!!! if it wasn't tragic, I'd laugh!

A mere 79 years has passed and I suggest that our joo lawyers get on to this one, it could well be that there are grounds for appeal.

1. Note the words, “…the word ‘persons’ in Section 24 included members both of the male and female sex,…”

(a)First, it contains a disgusting word which I’m sure is not legal and secondly,
(b)if the lawyer who drafted the bill had meant “men and women” he would have said so.

It’d be a start towards a Godly lifestyle for those poor benighted heathens!

[bung79]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

As you know, we're sending 15 missionaries to the darkest jungles of Australia this July, and we're expecting some degree of success providing the locals can sober up enough to hear the Word of God.

Australia doesn't have jungles, I told you that before. I think I'll arrange some 'Missionaries' from Australia, Canada and various parts of Europe (no, Europe is NOT one particular country) to invade... I mean 'visit' the the United States. While we're there we'll try to erradicate... I mean educate, all the trailer trash and religious extremists the exists throughout the US.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

Australia doesn't have jungles, I told you that before. I think I'll arrange some 'Missionaries' from Australia, Canada and various parts of Europe (no, Europe is NOT one particular country) to invade... I mean 'visit' the the United States. While we're there we'll try to erradicate... I mean educate, all the trailer trash and religious extremists the exists throughout the US.

That sounds fine. I believe we already have hosted some of your drunken criminal terrorist "countrymen" at GITMO. The confessed terrorist David Hicks is walking the streets free in your Godforsaken cesspool right now, which proves that your "country" is no friend of freedom.

We'd be happy to welcome a few more aussie scumbuckets anytime.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

That sounds fine. I believe we already have hosted some of your drunken criminal terrorist "countrymen" at GITMO. The confessed terrorist David Hicks is walking the streets free in your Godforsaken cesspool right now, which proves that your "country" is no friend of freedom.

We'd be happy to welcome a few more aussie scumbuckets anytime.

...and guess where David Hicks lives in Australia?........thats right folks.....south Australia.

Anothergreat and misunderstood Aussie is a terrorist called mumdoo habib. They had him anally raped by alsatian guard dogs. Im not sure if that was a reward for good behaviour or not.

[Nobar King]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

Here's another map, although I'm not really sure how to read it:

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

It just seems like those Soviets in Canuckistan are about as confused as those Kiwis in Australia. They really do need Jesus.

[Priestess Avalon]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

sister mary maria, (demonic gibberish deleted).

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Canada - Godless frozen wasteland worth saving?

There has been some talk over the years about invading Canada and taking it over. I'm sure that the citizens would welcome us with open arms - especially if we sent all the French back to France (something they have seemed incapable of doing on their own). Frankly, I don't think it is worth the effort seeing as how about the only thing up there is some oil, natural gas and a few forests. We already know how to make our own artificial ice.

If we were so inclined we could just buy Canada. It might make a good investment if global warming turns out to be true and the glaciers up there finally recede. The place might finally become habitable and also might make a good penal colony.