I had a crisis of faith today!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

I was talking to my cousin Frieda today, and she told me about my sister Kathleen was too scared to tell me of her plans to marry a man named Patrick O'Grady. An IRISH Catlick! After I regained consciousness, I was flabbergasted! Sure, a couple of my cousins have married Eyetalians, and one even married a wetback, but IRISH?!?! Has the world gone mad?!?!
Why would God allow this travesty to happen?
I voiced my concern to my husband, Mr. Whitford. After he beat the Jesus back into me, my sweet husband reminded me that God didn't allow this to happen, Kathleen did by rejecting the Lord. If she ends up a drunken potato farmer, it's her own fault for not allowing Christ to lift her out of her sin. Relieved, I immediate went to my prayer closet for a couple of hours to repent ever questioning God and His plan. I guess it's one thing when tragedy happens to other people, but when it's in your own family, it really hits hard. But now that I've recovered, I will again trust in the Lord to give me the strength to get through this, and the fortitude to heartily rebuke my heathen sister for still being under the Catlick cult's spell.

[Deaner]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

When it comes to the catlicks; the irish really aren't so bad.

As long as your sister doesn't mind paying the bills and getting her lights knocked out on occasion by a drunk she'll be fine. Just hang in there with her and hopefully someday she'll see the light.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

You see, this is why the Pagan leprechaun-worship festival of St. Patrick's Day is so dangerous. My guess would be that she went out for a few drinks on March 17th, started on the poteen, and hasn't been home since. I remember back in my unsaved days, when I'd been drinking non-stop for a week, I'd sometimes think that marrying an Irishman seemed a sensible idea as well. Don't panic until she sobers up, then see how she feels about it.

[Don the Baptist]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

God bless you sister, I will pray for you and your sister as well. Is this Irishman caucasian or nigra, not that it matters that much if he is a mary worshipper. I have never (Praise Jesus) been to Ireland so I don't know if they have saucer lips over there or not.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

They come in Negra form!?!?!?!!?!

[Don the Baptist]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

They come in Negra form!?!?!?!!?!

I must confess that I am not sure, I am just fearful that it could get worse for your dear sister than just the paypal authority issue. IF they do indeed come formatted as negras in additions to paypal persuasion this could be even more dire than we first thought, let us pray.

[JennyD]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

They come in Negra form!?!?!?!!?!

I believe they're what are called "Black Irish", Sister.

Perhaps THAT is what attracted your sister in her drunken state?


You are fortunate indeed to have a loving and tender husband like Mr. Whitford, willing to sacrifice his own free time to stop you from carrying on hysterically (as we women are wont to do) and remind you of Jesus' Plan with a good backhand. GLORY!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

Disaster has befallen your family. The scars of shame will never leave it. Ireland is so catlick that they offered the pope sanctuary during the war and he accepted if it were to come to that – as it was he did not appear at Nuremberg because he said he had a cold.

The men are dressed in green, carry pigs under their arm, spend such money as they earn from horse trading and potatoes on drink and dog racing. They then write plays and sing songs to "diddly-diddly" music before shooting or blowing up anyone one who seems annoying to them. They are all equipped with a thing called a Knobkerry – its long and warty.

Your sister will have 15 children before she’s 25 – which is good, but she will be beset by priests and nuns claiming their souls until they are at indoctrinated. All will thus perish in the Eternal fires.

Ireland is half bog, half rocks and thick as half a plank.

I hope that thiese few kindly meant words cheer you up in your hour of deepest and permanent despair.

[Marshall]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

The Irish are scum.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

Disaster has befallen your family. The scars of shame will never leave it. Ireland is so catlick that they offered the pope sanctuary during the war and he accepted if it were to come to that – as it was he did not appear at Nuremberg because he said he had a cold.

The men are dressed in green, carry pigs under their arm, spend such money as they earn from horse trading and potatoes on drink and dog racing. They then write plays and sing songs to "diddly-diddly" music before shooting or blowing up anyone one who seems annoying to them. They are all equipped with a thing called a Knobkerry – its long and warty.

Your sister will have 15 children before she’s 25 – which is good, but she will be beset by priests and nuns claiming their souls until they are at indoctrinated. All will thus perish in the Eternal fires.

Ireland is half bog, half rocks and thick as half a plank.

I hope that thiese few kindly meant words cheer you up in your hour of deepest and permanent despair.

Amen, the Republic of Ireland is a truly sinful place. They are all awful terrorists at heart.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

Thank you for the kind words, my friends. I've been praying long and hard, and can only trust that the Lord will guide her to the light before it's too late. I just spent half an hour shouting rebukes and scripture at her over the phone, but I fear this will take some in person rebuking with one of my larger King James Bibles to get her to turn her life around.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I had a crisis of faith today!

Amen, the Republic of Ireland is a truly sinful place. They are all awful terrorists at heart.

Indeed, if they can't find anyone to fight, they fight themselves.