Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

[lukasekman]

Yesterday, I decided to install more RAM in my computer, went from 2GB to 4. But instead of 4 GB, my computer only report 2.75 GB. This means that evil spirits have eaten 31.25% of my memory, or 62.5% of my added memory. That's like the income tax margin effect in socialist countries!

Exodus 20:15
Thou shalt not steal

As a reaction to the mysterious disturbance, I have put my Fam-Con™ level to 3 (lower values mean greater threat to my family, one is worst and five is business as usual). I do my best efforts to spank my kids to deliver them from evil.

Prov 23:13
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

However, I came up with several ideas where the evil spirits may come from:

• Apple. The queer elitists wants me to give up my still going strong Windows XP computer, and try to make me a Mac fag.
• Left-wing terrorists eat my RAM in the same way they hack e-mail.

What do you think?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Brother I will pray for your computer. I'm sure that will give it more memory.

Installing Jes0s Operating System will help too!

Blessings,

Sister Thumper

[Levi Jones]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

I'll pray for it while you fix it. Let us know when it is working better, so you can give us and Christ the glory.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Why waste money on 4 GB of memory instead of tithing it to the church?

My all American IBM PC AT has 16 MB of RAM and it still works perfectly! It's Arachne web browser allows me to visit the Internet without ever getting one of those viruses Obama is spreading on the Internet.

[lukasekman]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Cranky Old Man, I know it's possible to run a computer with a fraction of the RAM of a modern computer. I have a good ol' Pentium 90 Mhz with 8MB of RAM for my kids. When they need more memory, they just boot into DOS mode. The computer have no bloatware that check for updates on ObamaCare every five minutes, no autostarting webcam, no 100+ MB bloated printer driver, no preinstalled software that turn you queer by subliminal messages and no hidden applications that distract them with stupid notifications when they do their Bible studies.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

I don't own a printer. When I have a document on my computer I want to have on paper, I simply order my wife to write it down. Unlike the rest of her, her handwriting is very firm.

Deuteronomy 5:33 "Ye shall walk in all the ways which the Lord your God hath commanded you, that ye may live, and that it may be well with you, and that ye may prolong your days in the land which ye shall possess."

[lukasekman]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Glory!
The computer have finally reclaimed its RAM from the evil socialist spirit.
Thanks Levi Jones and Daisy Mae Johnson for your prayers.

Yesterday, I declared Fam-Con™ level 2, which mean that I have to punch my wife in her stomach, deploy land mines in my garden and poison gas traps in rooms containing gold and valuable electronics. My wife is also authorized to use baking rollers to spank our kids.

After the demise of the evil spirit, I have restored Fam-Con™ level to 4. My communion workers also report that the current autism virus outbreak in the town is on decline, and I will declare Fam-Con™ level 5 as soon we're though this crisis.

[Brother_Percy]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

You know, I had NO IDEA demons could get into your computer, but now you mention it, I think that explains a LOT!

A few weeks ago, while my wife was going through my old laptop looking for holiday snaps, she found over 20,000 videos of GAY PORN on there!!!

Needless to say I was DISGUSTED! I had absolutely no idea how they got on there?? But at the time I though it must have been some sort of computer virus that got on there, downloaded all those files. Obviously my wife was concerned, but I was quick to reassure her. I HAVE given her two wonderful daughters from both times I slept with her, that should have been good enough for her. But I know how women worry about silly things, especially after what happened with poor Pastor Ted Haggard.

Now that I've read on this thread, about evil spirits and demons getting into computers, I think that pretty much explains it all. It's obvious now that some sort of evil spirit got in there, and downloaded all those movies! I will need to show my good wife this thread, it will certainly put her mind at ease. Amen!

[SpawnOfAzreal]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Burn your computer, it's the only way to make it clean again.

Many demons inhabit mechanical hosts, it's quite possible you device has become home to one. An exorcism will do no good, as mech-demons have evolved beyond those methods.

Burn it.
Destroy the files. All of them. They're cyber-material goods and not worth you soul.
And buy a good True Christian brand netbook - we don't want to be prideful or gluttonous with RAM or disk memory.

[lukasekman]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

Burn your computer, it's the only way to make it clean again.

Many demons inhabit mechanical hosts, it's quite possible you device has become home to one. An exorcism will do no good, as mech-demons have evolved beyond those methods.

Burn it.
Destroy the files. All of them. They're cyber-material goods and not worth you soul.
And buy a good True Christian brand netbook - we don't want to be prideful or gluttonous with RAM or disk memory.

Netbooks are for silly gooks with tiny hands, real Christian men need a full-size keyboard to work. Would not be smart to burn it anyways, since I've mounted several poison gas vials inside the chassis, and they are made to break if the computer is moved by a clumsy thief.
When the news report about a man died by sudden colon prolapse*, I know where I should go to get my computer back.

2 Chronicles 21:15
And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day.

*Colon prolapse is medical geek jargon for pooping out the intestines

[god'sson]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

You know, I had NO IDEA demons could get into your computer, but now you mention it, I think that explains a LOT!

A few weeks ago, while my wife was going through my old laptop looking for holiday snaps, she found over 20,000 videos of GAY PORN on there!!!

Needless to say I was DISGUSTED! I had absolutely no idea how they got on there?? But at the time I though it must have been some sort of computer virus that got on there, downloaded all those files. Obviously my wife was concerned, but I was quick to reassure her. I HAVE given her two wonderful daughters from both times I slept with her, that should have been good enough for her. But I know how women worry about silly things, especially after what happened with poor Pastor Ted Haggard.

Now that I've read on this thread, about evil spirits and demons getting into computers, I think that pretty much explains it all. It's obvious now that some sort of evil spirit got in there, and downloaded all those movies! I will need to show my good wife this thread, it will certainly put her mind at ease. Amen!

are you sure you've never gave the laptop to anyone except your wife? i heard that some atheist have fun by placing trash in other people's computers

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

are you sure you've never gave the laptop to anyone except your wife? i heard that some atheist have fun by placing trash in other people's computers

So you would have us beleive that people bother to put rubbish inside computers?

What do you think bins are for?

Idiot.

[Deaner]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

I'm getting messages that my computer is using mega ram when I have 3 or 4 explorer windows open. This shouldn't do this; I have plenty of RAM. Please pray for me too. Let me get you started...

Dear Baby Jesus;...

[Nobar King]

Re: Evil spirit eat 31.25% of my computer memory!

I keep having to add more RAM to keep my computer running right so I think I am a victim of this, as well. If only there was a program that I could run to help me manage my memory chips!